Saturday, July 15, 2017

Feels like the end

Hi, DH here!  Thanks all for your kind comments on my last post - I do feel better, even though our situation is objectively worse than it was lol.  Now I'm unemployed (massive layoff at the old music factory), Oma is living with us, and I'm spending just about all of my time looking for a job.   At times, I feel like I'm underwater, running in nightmare-slow-motion, pushing against the current of... everything.  The world seems ever sharper, meaner, and more dangerous.  This morning on the local news, there was a shooting at a shooting vigil that killed a man.  Holy crap!  Don't go to vigils.  Don't go where there are large concentrations of people.

Don't go outside.

About a month ago, our older girls participated in the year-end dance recital (show) their school does every year.  If you're not a dance parent, it's hard to imagine: This is a real show, with the students (and some professionals) performing ballet, jazz, modern, and tap (Julia's favorite).  Costumes, makeup, lights, professional venue, etc.  The timing worked out so that I went to the younger's show with her older sister, and then I drove them home in my car.  No problem!  I'm a good driver.*  Things were fine until I got to the highway that runs to our house.  We followed a drunk driver who literally drove into a ditch in front of us, corrected, and then somehow turned off the road without killing anyone.  Whew, I thought.

Too soon.

The next car ahead was driven by someone even more drunker!  I know, hard to believe, but as we followed this one, it seemed obvious that he was headed for serious trouble.  He couldn't keep the car on the road, and kept veering to the right, as if the shoulder was another lane.  I stayed well back, in case he decided to swerve left and incite a head-on with a truck in the oncoming lane.  I fumbled for my phone in the dark, weighing the possibility of getting a $612 ticket with saving lives, when he seemed to straighten up: The car moved into the right-hand turn lane at our neighborhood... church? up ahead, and he was leaving the highway.  Yay!  I sped up (he had been going 30 in a 45 MPH zone).

Too soon.

There have been a number of times in my life where I know I've had a supernatural experience.  Usually, it's in the heat of a life-or-death moment, and usually the decision I make is too quick to analyze, and yet somehow, correct.  This was like that.  At the last possible moment, as I drew alongside, The Drunk decided he didn't want to go to Church after all, and cut back over into the lane I was driving in.  No looking, no pause, just swerve left.  I didn't see it happen.  I couldn't, as I was looking forward at the time.  I guess a scientist would say I must have caught some movement (in the dark) from the corner of my eye.  And without even realizing I had done it, my car was across the center line, leaving tire tread we could see the next day, as I stopped perfectly parked facing oncoming traffic.  I think if there had been a car coming, I could have dodged even a little more left, and missed that too.

And now I know how drunks cause horrific accidents.

The girls and I sat utterly shaken in our seats.  My insurance agent didn't magically appear and say, "Wow, you just saved lives AND money!"  The Drunk didn't wreck his car and get in trouble.   My reward was to drive us back into our lane, and home.  In actuality, this is pretty routine for me.  I avoid a LOT of accidents, some of which could have been pretty bad.  Usually the thanks I get is road rage**.

What matters anymore?  Can I get drunk too and go to Church?  Can I carry a gun and just shoot those A-holes in the face?  How do you explain what happened (or what is happening in the world) to your beautiful daughters?

So, this feels like the end, a little.  I'm going to follow Julia into the dark (of not blogging here).  I've steered clear of a topic that is very important to me: Global warming, and how we humans might do something about it, like right now.  I don't know if you share my passion, but this is where I'm going to be hanging out on a regular basis.  Who knows?  Maybe we can save our biosphere.  Could happen!

Peace, love, and best wishes to you all, thank you so much for sharing our journey.  I can't say we're done, because it's Julia's Personal Thinking Spot after all, so until we blog again...  <3

*I've never had an accident that was my fault.
**I'm pretty fucking sick of it.


Wednesday, March 1, 2017

March

Hi, DH here!  I hope everyone is having a good March so far!  My start has been a little bumpy, but a start nonetheless.  This month is hard for me, rooted in memories that seem like a lifetime ago.  Objectively, everything is going really well: Just got promoted to Technical Lead, all of our kids are doing fine (especially the baby), and Julia and I are communicating, even though we're not having sex. 

But I'm tired.  And cold.  And broke.

And there doesn't seem like there is an end in sight. 

Well, I guess the weather will warm up eventually, but in our area that's never guaranteed to be beach weather.  For me, the real issue is feeling like I have nothing to look forward to.  Julia and I have talked about going to Hawaii for Christmas this year, but we've already gone to Kawaii broke, which wasn't very fun.  At 52, I feel like my best years for making (and saving) money are long behind ne.  I recently found Forex trading, only to learn that copy trading (following another investor and copying his actual trades into your account) is illegal in the United States.  Yay.  I don't have enough time in my life to become an actual trader, so it seems likely that I won't be doing this.

Why would I want to?  Because we are paying close to 1,000 a month for our school loans.  Trading?  I wish.  Although I have to admit, my thoughts on making (taking) money run a little dark. 

Oh well.  No sex in this post heh, maybe the next.  😊

Sunday, February 12, 2017

Hi From The Other Side

Hi, DH here!  You know how people say, "See you on the other side?"  Well, this is definitely the "other side" of almost everything I've known my whole life, so, um... hi!  Not to worry, though, like life, my other side is full of positives as well as negatives.

We're on the other side of the New Year (happy belated!).  Julia and I celebrated our 14th wedding anniversary this month.  We managed to take the girls to Red Robin to celebrate, but that was the extent of our festivities. The new baby (4 months old today) has definitely been cramping our style in the bedroom, but Julia has had other issues going on too, so sex is a fond memory for me at this point ;).  Yet, every day tiptoes by on little silver feet with our precious new life, and we marvel at how big she's gotten, in so short a time.  We're happy.

I'm on the other side of a promotion!  Things we really challenging at work last year, but I stuck it out and received a promotion.  It's a little extra money (and a lot more responsibility), but I haven't logged too many extra hours yet.  The path I'm on now leads straight to management, which has been a career goal of mine for a while.

I'm on the other side of a long not-writing period.  Or: I'm writing again!  I have to admit, I got a little frustrated with my story, because one of the characters is Winter, which is supposedly frigid in my universe, with freezing rain and snow and even a little frost.  As I was writing the first two books in the series, Seattle experienced sixteen straight months of warming temperatures, and just like that, snow became a thing of the past in the Northwest.  I was bummed - no one was going to believe the crazy notion that it was below freezing in Seattle!  Or snow!  Or... a girl who serves coffee in her underwear after being spanked... heh...  Enter Winter Huge Snowstorm 2017 last week.  We had close to a foot of snow on the ground at our house, and the kids were home from school for days.  Suddenly, my story doesn't sound so far-fetched.  At least in the weather department.  :-D

I'm on the other side of not posting blog posts.  And, I hope everyone is having a truly great 2017 so far.  And finally, as is the tradition in so many instances of finding oneself on the "other side," facing the unknown, possibly terrifying, but hopefully not:

Hi from the other side.  God help us all.