Saturday, April 28, 2012

How did we get here?


My husband read my last blog post and told me that I left off at the best part. He told me even he wanted to know what happened next. He is such a funny guy, and will do a lot to get somebody to laugh. Which is really cute! (No clue if I am going to get in trouble for calling him cute, I mean it in a nice way, not in a de-maning way or anything like that….)  I love that about him. His sense of humor is just so contagious. That was one of the first things I loved about him. When I was still the Au-Pair and I didn’t speak much English yet, we were sitting at his kitchen table, discussing the rules (I just realized that we had rules from the start. Wow) of being an Au-Pair.

 1.  Don’t go through the house in my underwear. (Right, as if I would do that in a strangers house)

       2. Don’t shake the baby! (I had a three day seminar prior to flying out to the 'host family' and that was the bottom line of the Au-Pair seminar)(And plus, there was no baby...)

       3.  And DH is reminding me that I had to follow a schedule, but honestly I  have no idea what he is talking about….

Once we were married and living our lives, not much happened that I need to mention here. Things started changing when he was laid off. He was laid off and unemployed for a while. The Economy crashed. He started changing. Was less cheerful, his sense of humor turned into a sarcastic and snarky something, but was not even close to what it was before. Unemployment  cost him his confidence in himself. It has been taking him a while to find himself again, during his depression, I was his lifeline. When something was overwhelming him, he called me. When he was happy he called me, when he was pissed off, he called me. After a while I felt like I was propping him up.

Once I started researching depression, I quickly found out what was wrong. Depression. Bingo! That was it. After much asking, he went and saw my doctor . This really was a groundbreaking, life-changing experience. Amazing! 

Shortly after starting his meds, I found the taken in hand site, and suggested it. 
It has been a journey. A very slow journey. Which is good, I guess, better than jumping into it headfirst, without really considering the consequences. DH says that there is no going back to 'normal' because this feels right, but at the same time, he wants to make sure that we don't hurt each other, ruin our marriage, because what we already have is very precious. And I agree! Plus, I suggested this. I suggested he become the leader in this marriage, therefore I am following. He gets my two cents, but in the end, I want him to make the decisions. So I am sitting back, letting him steer and drive.

As to spanking, DH spanks me, fairly regularly lately. I think mostly to stay connected, to remind each other of our roles in this relationship. He is very careful though not to hurt me. At the beginning it was so frustrating when he wouldn't do it enough. Isn't that weird? I would have never thought that it could be frustrating to not get spanked enough, and I didn't want to correct him. I wanted to do the submissive thing, be submissive and not tell him what to do and how to do it. Let him lead. This is hard though at times, isn't it?

He figured out though how far he can go to achieve the right strengths and persistence for a re-connection spanking, an erotic spanking, and even a spanking when he is mad at me. We have not had a need for a punishment spanking....

And as a little something, I am thinking I will post a video of whatever I was listening to while writing...Anyone know this one? Love it!

1 comment:

  1. Hi Julia,

    Welcome to blogging. I know you will find it a satisfying experience.



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