Friday, May 11, 2012

Mounting establishes and maintains dominance

Another Friday. I really do like Fridays! It means the weekend is still ahead, lots of possibilities, DH is home more than during the week, and of course, SUNDAY, as in Sunday maintenance. If it happens that is.

After our last spanking fiasco, DH hasn't attempted to redo it. He is very busy, his job takes long hours, and sometimes he doesn't even come home until 10pm. I know he is tired at the end of the day, week, month. I understand. But still. It seems like incorporating ttwd into our marriage is more my wish than his. He is mostly too tired to care whether the kitchen is clean, to figure out if I had my phone on me or not, or whether I did something else I am not supposed to.
This leaves me so frustrated. I want him to notice on his own. I want him to care.

 I want to be submissive, let him guide this, but at times it seems like he forgot or simply doesn't care enough. Last night, we were having some tired sex. It was good, I am sure better than what many couples experience on a regular bases. When he was behind me, he started spanking me, and I just didn't care for it. I don't find 'erotic' spankings erotic. I find spankings erotic when he is in charge of the situation. When he tells me this is what is going to happen, now get over here. Just thinking this makes me feel guilty. I know he has a lot on his plate, and I am not helping. And after the debacle of our last spanking, all I keep thinking is that I am asking too much of him by doing this.

But then I look at the picture below  and think: It is in his DNA to be dominant, he just has to be comfortable enough to be himself.


6 comments:

  1. I can relate to a lot of this Julia. I've often felt like my need to feel submissive to him is greater than his need to have that from me...but once he had a better understanding of how important it was to me (and how our relationship really could benefit from it) it became more important to him as well. It just takes time...and open lines of communication:) My husband reminds me that I need to be patient and let this all happen naturally...and I do feel like we are getting there. The confidence and comfort level grows with time as well. p.s. that sign is pretty hilarious!

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    1. Tess, you know if I had to describe starting ttwd with one word, it really would be patience. It has taken so much time, so much patience, and I am just glad I am a laid back person in general, otherwise I don't know if I could wait this out. lol. Talking to you guys is really helping though.

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  2. I can relate a lot as well. I know when we first started ttwd, it was all me. He even SAID that he didn't necessarily want to keep track of if I had a phone on me, or if I showed up at the dot of, or if I had everything perfectly cleaned, he said it was work for him and that he wouldn't micromanage. Ouch, right? I took it the way you did, that he didn't care and I was asking too much. It wasn't until I chilled out and let him drive that he really stepped it up. In not telling him how to dominate me, he did it in his own way, and now he's doing it full-on. I often feel his grip. No, he still doesn't ask me for the little things, such as if I had a phone on me. However, he does it in his own way. I think every man has their own way of doing it, I imagine you two will both fall into your rhythm as things progress.

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    1. Riley. Thank you. Most of the time that is what I think will happen too, and I am really trying to just let things happen. Really trying. Sometimes it just gets a little too much (or not enough), and I need to vent.

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  3. This is SO true (the pic!), and why I think I naturally feel most submissive when I am in this position.

    Also, one of the things hubby does is also bite my bottom. If you observe many of the animals in the animal kingdom, the male will bite to subdue the female!

    It can be difficult to truly allow our dominants to lead in their own way.

    sarah

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    1. I have heard of many species biting their female to establish dominance! I love when DH just touches my bottom. He will sit there, with his hand on my butt and is perfectly happy squeezing. :D

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