Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Checking out!

I knew we would have to pay for our fantastic camping trip this week. I knew DH would be busy this week, working long hours to catch up on work. That is okay, I knew it, I was prepared for it. Or at least I thought I was. Today is Wednesday, only half way through the week, and it feels like an eternity has passed.

DH takes the train in the mornings, leaves the house by 7.30 and hasn't been back home until about almost  10 pm since we got home from camping.
I really did know this, which was one of the reasons why I enjoyed camping as much as I could. But I miss him. It feels like it has been forever and a day, since he has held me. We cuddle at night, always spooning, but it is just not the same, especially when I know he is tired. How can blame him? He is working like crazy this week. I even put on his favorite underwear last night, and he didn't even notice. Once he hit his pillow, he was unconscious within seconds. And I don't want to add more hours or even minutes to his day.
So I am sucking it up. As he puts it, I am checking out. He told me this morning that I have checked out.

Not really true, I see it as taking a step away so that at least our children get to spend a moment with him this week, and I am also taking a step back because I don't want to make his day even a minute longer if I don't have to.

This morning our youngest has her last day of preschool, and he stuck around this morning for a bit. In the past, he drove her to school, came back, and hang out with me while she wasn't here. And by hung out, I mean sex, spanking, really anything we wanted to do with no children in the house. Our only chance to be alone for two whole hours. Well, today, right now, was the last chance to do this for the summer (!) and he didn't have time. He has a meeting. He left. And god, how can I blame him? I can't. I am glad he has work, and that he enjoys it as much as he does. So I am sucking it up again. I don't want him to think I am ungrateful, and unreasonable, even though I have to admit, I was really thinking, and hoping, he would have time and come back to me.

20 comments:

  1. I totally understand. Really.

    This is a minor schedule blip - there will still be time. Hang in there!

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    1. Thanks Kitty, and I know you are right, just hard to hang in sometimes. Although nothing else to do really.

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  2. Oh I soo get this. He has been gone all week and I will be gone all weekend so we will hardly see each other for 10 days. I hate it. We also have very limited fully alone time in the summer as well. It's a problem.

    Hang in there. I completely get the stepping away and back. The separation and distance are not their fault and I too don't want to add to the already full plate. I have to say though that I will take the feeling of missing him over the felling of separation from before. This way is so much better.

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    1. I really do know that it is not his or my fault, it is what it is, and today it is hard.

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  3. I know what it's like to have those tiny windows of 'freedom' and not have them fulfilled in the way we want. Oh yes I do. It's tough I know, but even if some of those windows are closed, there will be loads more opening still to come..... before long you'll both be utilising all that spare time, as many times as you can.

    Dee x

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    1. Dee, today it just feels like it is never going to happen ever again, but I know you are right. Sigh.

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  4. Ahh, Julia. I'm sorry. I'll just say Hang In there, too. I know it will get better. Sounds like your husband's schedule is really busy right now! But, these things ebb and flow and it will straighten out at some point.
    Last day of preschool....how cute. Here's hoping for some special snuggle time tonight. Sending good thoughts your way.

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    1. Thank you, and I know it will get better. I know its nothing personal really, it just is what it is. At least I get to see him every day, right?

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  5. Musicman is going to be traveling for work the next couple days too. Extra long hours and exhaustion. I totally get the not wanting to add to his day thing, and the asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow :) It happens some times. It sucks, but it happens :)

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    1. I know it does. Just easier to look back on than it is to actually go through it you know.

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  6. Aww, I understand all about missing your guy. I'm so sorry you have to miss him, it's the hardest! If you ever want to moan you know where to find me, I can empathize. I've done the checkout as well. The couple weeks leading up to the day I moved, I was SO terrible about letting him see into me because I was trying to compensate for what I was feeling. I hope his work schedule eases up so that you can spend more time with him. I imagine it's not any easier on him to have to make the decision to blow off work or to go...although I know that doesn't help too much. *hugs*

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    1. Aw Riley, I can't believe I even complain about it when you guys don't even live together. On the one hand that must be easier in some ways. You have your own life where you are. But at the same time, I am in no way saying what you guys are doing is easy. I hope you know what I mean....:D

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  7. Oh Julia, I completely understand. Mine leaves at 5:30am and both this week and last is home just in time to fall into bed. We force ourselves to stay up so we can talk a bit and wind down but it's hard and I have been feeling resentful.

    I try to remember the women whose spouses are overseas or work away from home. We will be okay...this too shall pass. The weekend is also almost here!

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    1. Yeah thinking of women with spouses overseas, or just Riley, makes me feel bitchy. But when I don't think of other people, and just myself, I can feel real sorry for myself.

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  8. Sounds like it's a really crazy week for you guys! Life gets in the way sometimes but don't despair. As other have said, I'm sure you'll find a way to carve out little bits of time for yourselves during the summer months.

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    1. You are right Tess. It will calm down again. Just being able to blog and vent has helped so much!

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  9. It's hard to want to take sometime just for yourselves and yet know that the children need him too. I have times where I just want everyone to go to sleep so we can spend time together but I know that I am a being selfish. It leaves me feeling really conflicted! I hope he gets less busy soon!

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    1. Some days, bed time cannot come fast enough...but that hasn't been the case lately. I actually always enjoy them on nights when DH isn't here, and I read them Percy Jackson.

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  10. I'm gonna say hang in there... and rant here in the meantime, don't take it out on him k? You can unload to us :)

    but then everyone is already tell you to hang in there... so er,... yeah *HUGZ*

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    1. Probably a good idea to let you guys hear all about it, instead of him. We had about 30 minutes last night before going to bed. Not a lot, but more than other people get. Trying to be grateful. I will let you know when that is starting to work...

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