Friday, June 8, 2012

The price of a 'good girl spanking'

Today is Friday. I heart Fridays. They really are my favorite day of the week. Fridays, I always start the day with making pizza dough for our pizza night, and we watch Phineas and Ferb while eating homemade pizza with the girls on the couch. DH and I are very strict when it comes to dinner time. We both grew up with dinner at the table, everyone coming together, and sharing their day. When DH was going through his depression, he would mostly be the one talking, and complaining, but this has changed to include all of us enjoying each other and my cooking. Okay, made that up, wishful thinking, the girls complain about what I made, but DH and I enjoy my cooking.

DH came home early yesterday to ensure he would be home in time for our oldest daughter's talent show performance and we finally had time to sit in his office and talk a little before I had to make dinner. Once again, I was quiet. I wanted him to be able to work so that he can do it again in the future, because in my mind, only people that actually work while working from home, can do it on a regular bases. Right?
That morning we had been in the shower together, nothing sexy, just time saving, and he asked why I was so quiet and withdrawn again.
"Do you miss this thing we do?" I could not believe he was actually asking me this. Was he being serious? Of course I was missing him being here, his presence, his influence, his comfort, his dominance. I was so hurt that I couldn't really say anything to him, and mostly just left and got everybody ready to go.
During the day, we send some emails, and in one of them, I admitted it, "Yes, of course I miss it." I mean, isn't that why we are supposedly doing this thing we do? Because we both want to? At that point, I was feeling like I was asking too much of him again. Like I was too much work, too much bother, too needy, too everything, and pulled back even more.
Back to him being home yesterday afternoon. I was sitting with him in his office, quietly. He stopped working, turned to me, and we finally talked. He admitted that apparently he wasn't doing his job right, in taking care of me. (great, I feel like I am work again). He told me that he would take care of it that night, and I would be getting the paddle.
"The paddle? That is for punishments remember?"
"I know, I will use to as punishment for me." Huh? How does that work? I don't think it hurts when you swing it, I think it only hurts when you lie there over his lap, getting it on your bare ass. I didn't say any of this out loud though.
For the rest of the day, he was attentive, held me, was there for the kids, but still distant from me. After the kids were in bed, he had me get into his favorite outfit, including a white thong and long white socks, and get the paddle. (yes, I didn't talk myself out of it this time)
Once I was in position, he started talking. I look forward to this. It seems that he can express himself the best while in this position. So he started talking, lecturing. I may have called him that afternoon before he got home, and told him I was buying liquor and that I was going to get drunk this afternoon. He is a dry alcoholic and therefore liquor is on our rules. Once a week for me. That is fine, I don't care, but that afternoon, I was so tired of not getting any attention (4 year old here). Well DH was upset about this. He couldn't believe I was saying it. When on his lap, he told me that it is still hard for him at times not to drink and me talking like that, was making him really mad.

"Not everything is always about you!" (yes, I said that while I was over his lap, skirt up, butt exposed, paddle lying there).
He warmed me up, which was great. I mean can I say that? I love the warm up. He grabbed the paddle, and started slowly, but that thing really hurts. The way it stings but it stings to deeply, and on the same spot, I can't handle it. Wasn't even the good kind. I can take a really long hand spanking, but I think he may have done 15 with it, and I begged him to stop.
"Please stop!" And he did. You probably remember that I am fairly quiet during spankings, so to him that was my safe word. (On a side note, I think we really do need a leather paddle, this wooden one is just so awful, and we haven't tried the new hairbrush yet, although it is awesome for my hair!)
We had great sex, although we still have to work on our timing, I usually come once, and that is mostly it for me. I get so tight that he has to pull out because it is too uncomfortable, and so that was an issue.

DH is blaming the good girl spanking. He thinks that because we didn't do maintenance on Sunday, this happened. I am not sure I agree with that 100%. We were both so tired that day, and in such a good place, but I guess Monday would have been good to do it, but he wasn't here.
I think I am feeling better today. I have done my chores that I hadn't done all week, and the house is pretty clean, laundry folded and put away. I still feel like we haven't figured it out yet. I still feel like too much work,  I still miss his dominance, even in the little ways. I mean, I am not asking him to spank me all day, there are so many other ways he could be showing it. I mean, we have established that this is what we want, right? So he should have the confidence to act on it. But he doesn't at times. And I don't understand it, but at the same time, DH is still tired, still hasn't caught up on his sleep yet, so I am trying not to be too much bother. But that will result in us not working correctly. Vicious cycle.

24 comments:

  1. We have ebbs and flows too...times when I feel like we are really active with ttwd and other times when it is more in the background. I totally understand how it's hard to not worry about it being forgotten when you find yourself missing it and thinking about it, but you don't feel like it's at the forefront of his mind. But...it's a process, you know? I find that being open with how I am feeling in a way that isn't at all critical is the way to go about it. No man likes feeling like they aren't doing something "right." Encourage him to keep trying to find his own ways of doing this. Positive reinforcement goes both ways! p.s. - we are having homemade pizza tonight too:) Happy Friday, Julia!

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    1. Thank you Tess. Happy Friday indeed. And I am not a woman who nags her husband, I really do try and just be encouraging, but at times it is so hard.

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  2. When we miss maintenance - even when it is for a good reason and discussed, things get out of whack. So, we don't miss any more. Even if we have to move the earth to get it done. It makes us both feel connected that we have this priority even if it is quick.

    Leather paddles hurt too. :)

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    1. That is what DH was saying, to not skip it ever.
      Its weird, that paddle is just not for me, I think. Although maybe that is the point...

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  3. No good words of wisdom, Julia. Just wanted you to know I read your post.
    I am glad you feel better today and I hope the weekend will bring some good times for you all. Sounds like a good start with the Pizza. I heart Fridays, too. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. (Interesting about the paddle..we don't have a wood one and I don't think I want one after reading about your experience). Well, again, enjoy your weekend.

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    1. Well thanks for stopping by! Not sure if there are any words of wisdom anyway..

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  4. This post here is why so many people in the dd/ttwd community blog. Ihave just been thinking that Ineed to reconnect with my hubby and express myself better to him. I am thinking of writing a letter because I get too flustered when I try to talk with him. This post helped me focus my ideas for what I wanted to sayand I thank for that.

    On a total side note I am going to make pizza for dinner tomorrow. Another helpful part of the post.

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    1. Wow. Well I am glad I could be some inspiration. After I wrote this post, I felt like I keep complaining, and nobody will want to read my blog anymore. :D
      Next one will be a positive one though, DH took charge again.

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  5. Omg you're so funny. "We haven't tried the hairbrush yet but it's awesome for my hair."

    Give it time. I know how stupid that sounds when your hunger and your need is so great. But what you really want is for this to happen with him. Give him time to find his way, he will, and love him love him love him for loving you enough to try. He'll do it.

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    1. Emen, thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment. What I meant with my comment was, that we haven't tried the new one yet, we broke the old one, and we got a paddle right after, so we hadn't had time yet. But we did last night. As good for hair as it is for that special hair brush sting. Will blog about it tomorrow I think.

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    2. Also, I really appreciate a males perspective and I know DH will too. I feel like we are past the initial stage of finding out about ttwd, and past the frenzy of "OMG, when is he going to do that". I feel like this is what we are doing, its just sometimes it is hard to remember the bigger picture. You know?!

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  6. I just found your blog..you are doing an awesome job writing! Strating out is always hard, this TTWD can be difficult to talk about, being on the same page is not always a given. Being needed of Him, is normal, I threw me for a loop when I realized how needy I was feeling when we first started, and worried I was being too needy. Ends up, most Domenants love needy, it is just a part of who we are. (Still struggle with it at times). Hang in there!
    hugs abby

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    1. It is pretty scary sometimes to realize how needy I have become. ON the other hand, I think I have always been needy, I just can express myself better now. Thanks for stopping by!

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    2. @Abby, I never ever thought about that. I'm still stuck in the mindset that I'm being too needy and asking for too much of his time. It really never occurred to me that he might actually need to feel needed and to take care of me. *gets the warm fuzzies*
      Honest. This just opened up my eyes.

      @Julia: I swear I posted a response to you...but I may have dreamed it. It seems like the spanking whether a good girl spanking or not really helped! It also sounds like you reconnected and see the need to do maintenance. All positive things. :)

      ~Addy~

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    3. @ Bratty Adaline. Yes, not matter what the spanking theme was, it helped. I usually don't categorize my spankings, but since I started this blog, I noticed that it is a fun way to have a title...:D

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  7. Oh how I do hate the hairbrush...Then again we don't have a paddle, so maybe I would appreciate the brush more if I compared it to something like that lol.

    Maybe there's something in the air...Because it's been one of those kind of weeks at my house too.

    And I can't help saying, that pizza looks friggin awesome!

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    1. Thank you! Friday is pizza night, so I have perfected it over the last year!

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  8. The paddle is just not for me I think - I giggled at this. Ahem........ Anyways..... it's confusing right? One minute it's all gung ho, the next..... well it isn't. He'll get there, frustrating though it can be to be patient I know. But be prepared for the ebbs and the flows, because they're all part and parcel of it I'm coming to realise myself.
    Ps: I made pizza last week and was so chuffed with myself that it was edible :)

    Dee x

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    1. I am starting to realize that this is really part of this lifestyle too. Things are better, will update soon! And yeah, the paddle is just really not for me either. So it is pretty effective in keeping me in line to avoid it!

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  9. ok so it seems there are MORE common themes... Neediness.. feeling like a chore.. I don't know how come i missed this post. oh wait. i know. stupid workshops that created a reading backlog.

    anyway i'm here now. and you know what.. i wrote somewhere in one of my own posts about BIKSS getting all funky and not being himself and realising at the end when we sorted things out that i did absolutely nothing wrong and he admitted to having been the cause of the problem.

    I said if i was your dom I'd give you a whipping for causing me so much grief. his reply to that was that then I'd better be prepared cos that's what he was going to do. I think in most ways (and i've read this somewhere) the Dom spanking us could be for our good, but in SOME other ways, when necessary, they need the release - i think it's like our submission to a spanking signals our forgiveness of their transgressions.

    Any thoughts?

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    1. Yeah, I think it shows his strength in admitting he was wrong, and then not turning around with his tail between his legs. (That is how a see that). Because, they are just human, and it happens.

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    2. And! DH definetely needs to spank me sometimes as opposed to me needing, wanting, or deserving a spanking. It has helped him calm down from work before, and it has helped him find himself again before he "checked out" emotionally, like he calls it.

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