Friday, July 27, 2012

Marriage without sex?

As I was sitting here, thinking about all the stuff I should be doing instead of sitting here, I stumbled upon Ponyboy's blog Marriage in the bedroom. I really like his blog. I love reading about relationship stuff from a guy's perspective, and he is pretty funny.
Today he has a  post about a reader of his. This guy is married, but his wife basically doesn't want to have sex with him anymore, or maybe never really did. This led me to think about sex and relationships. When DH and I decided to get married, he made sure to make me understand that a marriage needs to have sex. If a couple doesn't have sex anymore, there is no real marriage. So, I take  us having sex seriously, and I take us not having sex even more serious.
Ponyboy writes in his blog post that "my wife expects that I am going to be a good Father and not ignore our kids, she expects that I am going to keep a job and make money, she expects that I am going to be a good husband". This is all true for DH and my marriage too. As is Ponyboy's statement about his expectations: "I am going to expect a healthy sexual relationship at home." And I couldn't agree more. 

My opinion: A marriage needs to have sex. If there is no sex, the couple might as well be brother and sister living together. If one of the partners doesn't want sex anymore at all, then I am not sure the relationship is still viable.

What do you guys think? Did you go through periods of no sex before ttwd? I know we did, and I am so glad that is over. 

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Striving for a good girl spanking!

Our house has gotten a little fuller again this past week. My nephew from Germany came to stay with us. Very exciting and he is slowly settling in here. DH and I were a little worried about him being here without anybody else, but he loved being on the airplane by himself like a big boy.
DH was also a little worried about my nephew being here because he thought we would have even less time together, but thank god, that is not true. 
We are heading out for our annual family get together on Saturday. I am sooo excited! Some much needed warm weather is awaiting us, and I get to be with DH almost 24/7. I don't even care about the fact that we will hardly be alone the entire time, simply because I will be with him all day long. I really miss him a lot lately, especially with our friends living here. I see them hanging out with each other every day, all day long, and I really envy them that. But as DH put it:

"Yeah, I understand how you feel about their time together, but I think we’re both happy that we’re not living in someone else’s house, iykwim… the price we pay for being responsible, as it were. Sigh."

And I do know what he means, and I do agree with him. It is just some days, as I am sitting here, trying to do my homework, and I hear them laughing with each other, that I get a stab of envy in my heart. So, I am super excited for our week away!

This morning, after a sexless night, I hopped into the shower with DH. I kind of surprised him. Usually I leave him alone in there during the week, because we are on a very tight schedule. I have to drive him to the train station and we need to leave the house at a certain time. This morning though there was enough time for something, at least if he wanted it (me). And he did.
"You know that if you come in here, I might just bend you over?"
"I was counting on that, actually. " Grin.
He proceeded to wash me, turned me around, and pushed me to lean over. He kept washing me. DH loves to take showers, and I think he loves showers with me even more. He was very happy fondling and washing my most private areas. 
"I need to feel you. I need to be strong today at work, I need to fuck you now." At that point, I was once again so glad that I can help him like that. That I can make him feel strong, powerful, and capable. We fucked for a while, really just enjoying ourselves, and I could tell he was getting close, when BAM! the seven year old is coming into the bathroom, trying to tell us something. FUCK!
Pre-depression DH would have yelled at her and been really embarrassed to 
1. Have been caught having sex,
2. Yelling at her at all.
But he didn't. He looked at her (she couldn't even see me...) and told her that the door had been closed for a reason, and to please get out.
But of course, the mood was lost. We finished rinsing and got out. On the way to the train, DH was angsty and grumpy. So I distracted him by asking if he wanted to cum down my throat tonight. He looked at me, a little speechless (big accomplishment to have him not say something), and said
"Do you think you could handle all of me? What if there is too much?"
"I am not worried and if it is too much, I will just let your cum run down my chin."
"Mhh, like a face-cream-pie!" Needless to say, I think he is not angsty and grumpy anymore, rather he is excited about tonight. And honestly, so am I!

Last night, DH told me he would take me out to the woodshed, but I told him I don't want him to tell me something like that. I would rather have it happen. As in, get up, we are going out now. Not the, I will take you out later. Because, during the week, ten o'clock is pretty late, and neither one of us feels like it at that point anymore.
I don't know if we will get any spanking in before then, but I sure hope so. I am thinking I am going to try for another good girl spanking like I managed after our last trip. Here's to Hoping!

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Sex in the WoodShed

I was 13 when I had sex for the first time. He was 15 and the love of my young life. We planned our entire lives together, how many kids we would have, and what we would name them. I was so in love with him, I would have probably married him at some point, but he left for a year in the US and came back and didn't want anything to do with me. Which probably let to me wanting to go to America and experience something like it too. But instead, I met DH.
Looking back at it now, I can tell we clicked right away, but the language barrier made it quite interesting difficult to communicate. DH didn't want to be with an 18 year old, and honestly, who can blame him? I mean how does that sound? How do you tell your parents, oh by the way, Julia is 18 and I am in love with her? So, in retrospect, I understand. But back then, I just went for what I wanted. I seduced him.
We had a lot of sex during our first few months, but I was never able to cum. I have never been able to cum during sex, not with my first boyfriend, the one-night-stand I had in high school,  or with DH. DH would try and try, but the more he made it his mission, the less likely it was going to be.

I know having sex that young had something to do with it, but I never really learned about it from anyone either. I didn't have a dad around to talk to. Or my mother for that matter. My mother is famous for avoiding things that are more difficult to talk about. I was very shy with boys, and about my body. My first boyfriend telling me that I would be the perfect girlfriend if I lost 20 lbs, didn't help either.
Fast forward to meeting DH, I had major self confident issues. I felt fat no matter what I looked like, and always wanted the lights out. DH told me he really wanted to see my ass, and I was so self conscious about it. I have a small butt, and I knew he was more of an ass man than a boobs man.

I think  I had sex too early and wasn't ready for something like that yet. Over the first three years, I had never learned to trust DH enough to tell him what I wanted sexually. I was too shy to say the things I wanted out loud, things that turned me on.
After I first daughter was born, having sex was very rare, and for some reason, we started having better sex, I even came once. Whoopee! Over the last seven years, we have come very far sexually. At least that is what I would say. We used to be fairly quiet during it, never talked, no dirty talk, no, "I like when you do that". But as I have become more confident in myself, I have become more comfortable telling DH what I like, and what I don't like.

On Saturday, after the spanking DH blogged about for me, I came, for the first time, while being fucked from behind but without touching myself. This is new territory for me. I have never been able to cum without at least touching myself while being fucked. But on Saturday, after the thorough spanking (very thorough, I have to say), DH wouldn't even let me get up. He just dropped his pants, and entered me. I was so wet and ready. My pants still around my upper thighs, I had no way to actually touch myself, but DH kept on going. Every once in a while I would open my eyes, and I could see his shadow on the floor. I could see how he was moving, I could see the shadow of his hand, while he was moving his hand up to grab my hair. He pulled, hard. "I want you to come for me. Cum on my cock." and he pulled my hair and pinched my nipple with the other hand through my shirt.
And I came.  A lot. I mean, holy fuck! Who knew I could cum like that? I had no idea.
After he pulled out of me, and helped me stand up again, I was suddenly so self conscious, and had a hard time looking him in the eyes. I was embarrassed. Now, two days later, I don't know why I felt that way, but at that moment, I felt like I had let him all in, see everything I am and have. I told him I was embarrassed (how is that for communication? I was so proud of myself for just saying it.), he grabbed my hands, spun me around, and held me for a long time.
As I sat in the car an hour later, I could still feel tremors in my stomach region. I leaned back into my seat, and breathed loudly. "I have never been fucked like that before. I love you. You can give me a spanking anytime you know."
And all DH replied, was "I know."

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Spanking Implement Review # 6 by DH

Description: Home Depot large paint stirrer 

Intensity:    Good variation in intensity, from solid swats to very stingy, sharp contacts.

Sound level:   Medium to high, depending on velocity.

Feeling during spanking:  Nice heft.  Julia sanded it pretty well, saying something about not wanting to get splinters in her bottom, so it felt very smooth in my hand.

Julia comment: "I like it, but not as much as the leather paddle."

Hi, DH here!  Julia has been asking me to write a guest post for a while now, so today I'm tucked away in our office/bedroom/family room with Pandora cranked up and an endless supply of coffee magically appearing on my desk.  Julia thought it would be a good idea to also give my review of the implement I used for our last spanking at the same time, so I'm including that too.  

Some people use the term "woodshed" as a metaphor, but we actually have a woodshed on our property.  It's not much to look at, but it has a locking door and a chair and desk inside that I like to sit at and Facebook in peace and quiet.  The circus here at our house has really cut down on the amount of privacy we've had, leading to more than one intimate encounter out there for me and Julia.  Yesterday, I went seeking some alone time.  Half an hour later, Julia surprised me  out there.

We talked about the schedule for the day, which included hosting a barbecue for the whole circus, possibly getting my son up for a visit, and other logistical details.  As we talked, I could tell she was thinking about something else, which she finally burst out with, "I can't believe you have me out here, in your woodshed where we're finally alone, and you're not giving me a spanking!"

There it was.  The confrontation.  The accusation that I'm not doing my job, or keeping up my end.  And then she said that, too: "I feel like you're letting go of ttwd!  I'm losing my assurance that you really want to do this."  For the duration of one heartbeat,  I felt utterly lost.  Was I really not doing enough to assure her?  We've had a hard time juggling the extra people in the house, and my crazy demands at work, but I thought we were doing OK with frequency.  Hadn't I just given her a spanking...?

No.  That wasn't the point.  Here was my wife, begging for assurance, for a reminder that I am as committed to ttwd as she is.  I stood up, took her by the arm, and faced her to toward the desk.  "No, not now," she started, but I held up my finger.

"I agree.  You're right.  I haven't been doing enough to assure you.  But there's only one way to fix that."

I bent her over the desk, planting her hands.  "Keep you hands on the desk, and don't stand up."  I started caressing her bottom through her jeans.  "I'm going to warm you up with your clothes on."  I started spanking her with my hand using even strokes, alternating between cheeks.  I spanked her for two minutes, gradually increasing the intensity.  The sound of the swats were muffled by her jeans, but she moaned a little and started shifting back and forth as I finished.

"Pull down your jeans."  She stood, unfastened her pants, and pulled them down to mid-thigh, with her panties still in place.  She knows from experience that I love to see her in her panties, and that when I ask her to pull down her pants I always want her to leave her panties up.  I bent her back over the desk, and started rubbing her ass through her panties again, squeezing the edge of her buttocks hard.  I started spanking her with my hand over her panties.  The sound was louder, but still muffled a little by her panties.  I reached over her with my left hand and grabbed her hip to anchor her against my body, and spanked her hard for several swats.  Then I pulled her panties down so that they were just below her ass cheeks.

"I want to make your whole ass glow red," I said, as I started spanking her naked flesh.  She was switching back and forth as I spanked her.  I grabbed her hip and pulled her close again, and focused several hard swats just below the curve of where her buttocks meet her thighs, the spanks ringing out like shots.  As she moaned, I started double-spanking each part of her ass, swinging as hard as I've ever spanked her with my hand.  I stopped and released her.

"Let's try out our new implement," I said, retrieving the paint stirrer from its shelf.    I rubbed her ass with its flat edge.  The handle was smooth and cool, and the business end seemed to slide over her skin very easily.  I drew it back, and swung it very lightly, experimenting with the angle.  She flinched as it hit, and I went back to rubbing circles across her cheeks.  I drew it back and swung with a full motion.

CRACK!  The swat striped her right cheek.  She moaned and shifted feet as the sting intensified.  Crack, crack, crack!  Three sharp blows as I perfected my aim, and gained confidence in my ability to gauge the intensity.   One thing I really like about the paint stirrer is how long it is; it spans Julia's cheeks in one swat.  I lined up the implement and spanked her hard across both cheeks, working my way down her ass.

I finished with my hand, spanking her hard again to make her whole ass as red as possible.  I must not be doing it right, though, because even after all that it didn't keep the color.  :(  I guess I'll have to try harder next time!

Friday, July 20, 2012

You rock!

Thank you everybody for cheering me up, you really did with your nice comments. I really did crawl into bed yesterday, and woke up in a much better mood, thank god. And just in time to pick up my car, and notice that the brakes really do work better again. I am glad we did it, and I will feel more comfortable to drive over the mountains.
I was pretty productive today, and even got most of my homework done, despite going through lots of different types of blogs. Some really interesting ones, others so outdated, I just skipped them. For some reason, I like blogs that are active, so I know the author will be back for more.
On one of those blogs the  author had taken a picture of her outfit, sorry I don't remember which blog it was, but I decided I wanted a picture of it too on my blog. So, there it is on the side bar. I was just going to upload it without a post, but DH insisted that I introduce it.


I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Crawling into bed now

A rant.

I just got some bad news. Bad, as in financially bad. Not super bad, but really not that great.
We are going on Vacation in two weeks, and since we always drive there, I always have my brakes checked before we go. Last year, I paid some shop more than $400 to have the pads and rotors replaced. This year, a different shop (looking at the van this morning) just called DH to tell us that the rotors in the front are already bad again, and we will need new ones. DH's passive aggressive response was to just not do it, but with three or four kids and us in the car, going over a mountain pass, that just doesn't sound like the thing to do.
So, I am trying to suck up my bad attitude. We will just have to pay it. Leaving us with very, very little money to actually spend on the vacation, but, what else is new?

DH and I both felt disconnected from each other this morning, even though we had great sex last night, and again this morning, and still, we are not quite synced right. I even got a spanking last night, but I think my problem was that I wanted more than he gave me. He keeps thinking he will mark me, and he really doesn't want to do that. I want to be submissive, and let him decide how far we go, but at the same time, a spanking that is stopped right when you start to feel the burn is just awful.
 Plus, of course, don't forget the circus. I don't think either one of us wants to do any "hardcore" spanking with the circus in our house. So at the beginning of the week, I looked at hotel rooms with Jacuzzis to see if we could maybe sneak away for a night and day, where it is just us. But with the brakes, it seems we have found some more important place to put our money.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

May I?

As I am trying to come up with a good intro to this post, I am reminded of Riley's comment on my last post. "It shows you're really thinking and working at this. It ALSO shows what a cool support system this place is". 
And she is so right. We, as a couple, really have changed over the last few months. It seems that by having our house guests (or as I like to call it, the circus) in our home over the last few weeks, DH and I have come to understand what is really important to us. Important enough to keep doing, and what things we have tried before, that are not as important. 

If I look back at us starting this journey, it seems like (at least now, looking back) that some of the things we tried to do were a little forced, as in we were trying to find what works for us. For example, DH is generally not the domineering kind. He is not really alpha material as it were. It seems that he tried a little too hard at the beginning, and sometimes  I could tell he was just 'trying it on'. I wouldn't comment on it, because, hey! He was trying, but nevertheless, I could tell. 
But over the last two months, I feel like we are both really getting more comfortable in our roles. We have settled in a bit. We know what to expect from the other person. I know the things DH really cares about, what he doesn't care about too much. He was never really good at saying "Tonight you are being punished" or whatever, because that simply isn't him. But what he will do, is get a glint in his eyes looking at me (especially in front of the circus when I have done or said something that wasn't the smartest thing to do or say). I know he won't bring it up again until we are all alone, but that doesn't mean he has forgotten. Far from it!
This community has really helped me understand the dynamic more, and as I try to figure things out, bouncing ideas off DH, he is understanding it more too.

I don't think he has ever been as in tune with me as he is now. He understands me so much better, and I think that is because I have let him in more. I don't make him guess anymore, instead I open my mouth and tell him. What a revelation! He now knows that when I wiggle any part of my lower body, it is because I am horny, or at least that I crave his touch. I thought he knew this. I thought he had known this all along, but as it turns out, he didn't!

After I wrote my last post on Saturday, one of my commenters (is that a word?) Celeste Jones wrote "Can't wait to hear how you both survived the next few hours of anticipation" and boy was she right! Whenever we could steal a minute somewhere, I found myself with his cock either in my hand or in my mouth. God! So awesome! I think this really helps DH to figure out that I really do enjoy his cock, no matter what he does with it.  Sometimes he still seems to expect me to react like his ex-wife did, and I am just not her. I love his cock. I love when he nudges my head down, holds my head while I give him head, or when he grabs my hair during it. I love it all!
As he is starting to realize this, he is slowly coming out with more of his secret fantasies. He always brings it up like I am going to be revolted at any moment, but I am just happy to oblige! Anyone know what I am talking about? Does your significant other just come out and tell you what he or she wants? Or do you have to get it out of him or her slowly?

Anyway, for those of you who are interested....
Last Saturday:
"I want you to wear your whole outfit again tonight, I haven't seen it for a while. So I am going  to get in the shower, and I want you to get in your outfit, grab the paddle, and stand in front of the dresser."
"Not the paddle! Please!"
"I meant the leather paddle. I want you to enjoy this one."
So I got ready. In my whole outfit, and I added his new tie he got from his work. I have to say, I usually don't always like the way I look, but that night I did. I felt so sexy! The skirt was perfect, I only buttoned two buttons on the shirt, and hang the tie loose around my neck. I was so ready! So I stood in front of the dresser, although I cheated a little since the TV was still on, and finished my show while waiting. 
DH got out, saw me standing there, although he started frowning when he noticed the TV.
"I guess next time, I should be more specific."
I grinned at him, turned it off, and was his.
We have figured out, that as long as nobody is in the living room and we have the fan in the bathroom going, nobody can hear anything coming out of our bedroom. So I got my spanking, and I got fucked. A lot.  
The leather paddle is just so perfect. It really is my favorite implement, besides his hands. It is so stingy, without being thuddy. Lol. He stopped a little too early for me, and finished me off with his hands. I think he was too turned on at that point to keep spanking me. 
He shoved me down to his cock.
"May I?" He likes me to ask, even when he had shoved my face into his crotch already.
"You may." And I did.

Saturday, July 14, 2012

Cock blocked.

This morning, DH got up early to work out in the woodshed before anyone else is awake. He loves that alone time, and I always make sure he gets that time to himself. Nobody goes out there. But this morning I heard him get up, and it left me lying there, slowly waking up.
As I was lying there, covered by just a sheet, I got really horny. Instead of taking care of the situation myself, I thought about going out there to surprise him. He never minds me coming in there, especially when I have something on my mind. As I was lying there, I was thinking about putting on my outfit, putting my robe over, and head on out there. The house was still silent, so I knew I could get away with it too. I was just about to get up, when I hear little pitter patter on the hardwood floors. Grrr!

God! How frustrating this can be! Of course, my children seem to have a radar, and only get up on the weekends once they know I don't want them to get up yet. So there goes that idea.

DH came back inside once I was in the kitchen. He was a little testy (when he works out, the testosterone seems to be flowing through him like a 15 year old), and I got really turned on again. And frustrated. Fuck!

Of course, the kids started talking to him, we sat down and had coffee together. The kids sat on him then too. I just can't get him alone today. I know everybody missed him all week long, but jeez, I really need some alone time with him. And not just at midnight in our bedroom. I miss having the house to ourselves!

The kids finally got off him, and started playing again.
"What's the matter? You are quiet this morning." he asked me.

I was about to say nothing, I am good, when I remembered FA post. Early on in our start of ttwd, we figured out that we both like it when I don't ask for it, rather, he knows when I need it. I don't generally feel comfortable asking for a spanking because at the beginning of us  practicing DD, it meant that DH wasn't keeping up, and I was reminding him of that fact. DH has always been the one to initiate a spanking. And I am okay with that. I love it when he takes charge, tells me what he wants and needs.

The other night, we were just settling in to go to sleep, when DH got up again, mumbling something. The next thing I knew, I was being lifted over his lap, and he started spanking me. First with his hand, then with the new wooden spoon. It had been a while, and I was very sensitive. It left me feeling content, loved, taken care of, I was purring like a kitten. Mhhh. Buts its been a while again.

Back to this morning.

"I am pissed. I am horny, I want a spanking, I think I need a spanking.  I can't get fucking laid in my own house, and this sucks." There I said it. Silence.

"I am not pissed at you, I am just frustrated with the house situation." Still silence. Um....

As it turned out, DH didn't know what to say. He was just as horny and frustrated. And it was unexpected that I said what I did. Usually I don't say fuck, and I really never ask for a spanking. And here I did both. :D 

"I can't believe I have been married to you for almost ten years, and you are just as fucking horny as I am."

Phew, okay. Good. I didn't hurt his feelings or anything. So we got to talking (since everybody was awake at that point and the circus was all over the house. I told him about some of the blogs I follow, we talked again about me asking for a spanking and our feelings about it haven't changed, but our situation has. We just can't have it as often as before at the moment, and largely, we are okay with our living situation at the moment. It is just  frustrating at times, if you know what I mean.

"Well, I went out there this morning to work out, so we could go out to the woodshed tonight. You need a spanking and I need to fuck you silly.  You are overdue."

God! Yes please!

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Spanking Meme

I saw this meme on My Discipline Diary and thought it would be fun to borrow it...

Would you rather be spanked outside in a cold woodshed or inside by a cozy fire? I would much prefer near a cozy fire, but we don't have a fireplace and we do have a woodshed, therefore the woodshed!

Would you rather be spanked in public or private? Private

Would you rather fantasize about spanking or actually be spanked? Well, that is exactly the question I asked myself when I found out about DD, and I wanted it in reality, so I told DH. And he prefers reality too. :D

Would you rather be spanked for humiliation or for your spanker's pleasure? I kind of like pleasure more, but needs a certain aspect of "he is in charge and I am not"

Would you rather be spanked by hand or hairbrush? Hand and then Hairbrush

Would you rather be spanked until you cried or until you are aroused? Really? Well....

Would you rather have just a red bottom or welts/bruises? red bottom

Would you rather be spanked for the naughty things you have done or just because you enjoy the experience? Naughty things.

Would you rather be spanked with panties up or panties down? panties down. DH loves to have them right underneath my bottom. He says my bottom looks exactly like one could find on any porn site.... 

Would you rather be spanked OTK or bent over a table/chair? otk...more physical contact/closeness that way

Would you rather your spanker have physical contact with you? Yes! I need that physical contact. I start to feel lost, and start wiggling otherwise.

Would you rather be a brat to your spanker to deserve a spanking or simply ask your spanker for a spanking because you know you needed it? Well I would like to say I would just ask for it, but know I don't and I know I get bratty, and as DH puts it, Bitchy!

Have you received a spanking in the last week? Nooooooooooooo

Would you rather be spanked for the physical pleasure or the emotional release? Don't they go hand in hand?

Would you rather be spanked by a despotic, mean person or by a compassionate, benevolent person? DH is very compassionate when he is spanking me.

Would you rather be talked to while you are spanked or no talking at all? Well, I really enjoy it when he talks to me, even when it is a lecture, that is still better than just silence and whacking.

Would you rather get one swat at a time with pauses to let the sting set in or a continuous tanning to build up the fire? DH does both, some like that, some like that. So both!

Would you rather be forced into a spanking or willingly submit into a spanking? A bit of both. I love when DH tells me, okay, this is happening.

Would you rather have a safe word or be pushed beyond your preconceived limits? Safe word. our safe word is: Safe Word!

Would you rather spanking be part of love making or not a part of love making? we use spanking for discipline that always ends in lovemaking.

Would you rather that spanking be a surprise or something that you have to look forward to? Both.

Would you rather that spanking be a part of role playing kinkiness or a response to events that have happened in reality? reality

Would you rather be cuddled or scolded after a spanking? definitely cuddled!

Feel free to copy and paste!~ Would love to read what you guys have to say!

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Lovely Blogger Award

Over the last few days, maybe even two weeks, I have really noticed how much I missed reading all my usual blogs! I can't believe I found such a nice group of people, who are encouraging, have helpful advice, or just make me laugh with their stories! To top it all off, I was nominated for the Lovely Blog Award by several of my favorite blog people!Thank you Tess, Zoe, Fondler Anonymous, and Renee Rose!So here it goes!

The One Lovely Blog Rules of Acceptance- Thank the person/people who nominated you and link back to them in your post.- Share seven possibly unknown things about yourself.- Nominate fifteen or so bloggers you admire.- Contact the chosen bloggers to let them know and link back to them.

1. DH hates Jennifer Aniston for some reason, but here I am, wearing her perfume, and he loves it.
2. I am pretty sad today because my mother left yesterday and I won't see her again until December
.3. DH always says I am engineered like no other woman in the world....
4. I miss living in the country. I guess I am a country girl at heart.
5. Haven't gotten a spanking in way too long.
6. I am a very quiet person that never really talks about anything personal (at least in real life).
7. I was wrong about my husbands friends girlfriend (the one living with us). She is awesome! Sometimes I just love being wrong about people!

And now to my favorite blogs.
 This is hard, because if I have you on my blogroll, that is because I really like you and your blog
.My Blissful Dwelling place
Her Mischief Managed
Vanilla Extract
Slightly Naughty Princess
Red Booty Woman
faerie learns to fly
Exploring Surrender
A New Path for Adam and Kate
Fondlers Anonymous
Bratty Adaline
Rules to Love By
Kitty- The Submissive Wife
A loves Z
Renee Rose

Sorry about the size of the text and different fonts. I just don't get blogger yet. Or it is full of bugs. Either way.

Thursday, July 5, 2012

What can I do to help?

Here I am. It is ten o'clock at night and the house is finally getting quieter. With all these people living here, it has been hard having any along computer time. Tonight DH had to work way late, and so I was doing homework while everybody kept coming in my room to chat. Everybody has finally closed their door.

Last night, waiting for it to be dark to light of our fireworks, I was reading Ashley's blog post, and it really reminded me of the 4th of July last year. DH was not in a good spot. He was very unhappy. Not with me, but with himself. He worked crazy hours, had a really sucky commute, and was just all around unhappy and angry. We would sit together in the evenings (when he was home) and he would complain about a lot of stuff.  I always let him vent, but when he started telling me how much his life sucked, I would always get hurt. I mean how can your husband tell you that his life sucks and you don't get mad? I don't think that is possible. It took me a few months to figure out that DH was depressed. As in not just unhappy, but really, 'chemicals are not firing correctly' depressed. 
Doing some research on spousal depression, I found a great article. I can't find it again, but it boiled down to:
1. Let him vent.
2. Don't tell him his feelings are not valid.
3. Listen to him. Be there for him.
4. Ask him what I could do to help.

And I did just that. When he started to complain, I would always ask
"What can I do to help?" Even then, I would sit by his feet, looking up at him.
"Nothing." And he would pull back into himself because he thought I asked this question to shut him up. Which was not true. Well, last night, DH told me that that question is really what helped him realize there was something wrong.  The more I asked the question, the less he could just tell me nothing. He told me that he would sit in his car, in the worst traffic in the world, and think about that question. What could I do for him that would help. Once he really realized this, he knew he needed real help, which is when I made an appointment with out doc.
Living with somebody who is depressed is so frustrating. He couldn't do the simplest things. He would get overwhelmed with little tasks, the kids tired him out within minutes (even though he was whining about not seeing them all day long), and I felt like I had another child to take care of.
Who wants to feel that way? I don't. I felt bad for him, but I also felt really bad for myself! I mean, I wanted to be married to a man, not to a child who couldn't do the simplest things for himself. Anyone know what I am talking about?
Anyway, reading Ashley's post yesterday really reminded me of last year, and how far we have come. How far DH has come. Dominance still doesn't come naturally for him, at least not the kind that women always think of when they think of dominant men. DH is more quiet, even though, at the same time, he loves making himself the clown of the show, and get all the attention.
I found out about ttwd just after he started taking anti-depressants, and I can't even tell whether the pills or our lifestyle change has brought more changes. He is so much more confident. He believes in himself again. He has the confidence to tell me to get in my 'outfit'. He didn't have that confidence a few months ago. He is still healing, it is a slow process, but so worth it!

On a side note, there will be a review for Home Depot's paint stirrers pretty soon....

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Leather. WoodShed. Bliss.

I feel like I haven’t blogged in forever, even though it really hasn’t been that long. I keep thinking about blog posts I want to write, especially while out shopping with my mom. The other day we went to an equestrian store, and I was thinking of Dee while I was walking by the riding crops. I can’t even imagine getting a spanking with those. Ouch! And then we were in a thrift store, and I saw this awesome thick wooden spoon. I knew I had to have it. But how? I had my kids with me, my mother, and my friend who is living here at the moment with her teenage son. I mean, how do you explain a wooden spoon like that? But you will be proud to know that I managed, and paid for it of course.

Yesterday, we were doing another marathon shopping day, going through several stores that all blend together after a while, when I found this cute night shirt/gown. Of course, just because it is cute on the hanger, and is my size, doesn’t mean it is actually cute. But low and behold! It fit and made me feel cute even! I showed it to DH and he said he can’t wait to see it.
DH had to run an errand after dinner, and I hung out with my friend, watching Weeds. Her husband (DH’s friend) has been sick for days now, and hasn’t left his room much. At bedtime, DH started the house routine, putting dogs outside, checking kids and locks. I started getting ready for bed, put on my cute new nightgown, stood next to the bed and waited. I wanted DH to see the nightgown while I was standing. So there I am, standing, kind of cold (cold here, as in no summer), and I hear DH’s progress. Then he runs across his friend. That was it. I waited a few more minutes, but just went to bed. And he didn’t come to bed for quite some time. End of the story, he never saw it on me. I am/was so disappointed. I mean, here I was, wearing something for him, and he never saw it.

But it hasn’t been all bad. Of course! I have been having a great time with my mom, and DH and I managed to go out to the woodshed again this last Sunday for maintenance. And man! So worth it. We were outside, standing there, and he seemed unsure. He didn’t tell me to get in position or anything. I was just patiently waiting for any instructions. As it turns out, he was a bit intimidated because of my blogpost about the last spanking out there. You know, the one where he freaked himself out. Well this time apparently, he wanted to follow through, and was a bit nervous. I understand, although I trust him completely.

“Put your hands on the desk, don’t move!”
I did as he told me, and he started hand spanking me. I soon started wiggling though because I felt a little alone. You know? Because he wasn’t holding me as we usually do when I get a spanking.
“Stop the spanking dance. Stand still.”
I really tried, but it hurt pretty quickly and just really needed to be held firm. So I started the wiggling again. DH grabbed my butt and spanked me even harder with his other hand. But finally, it felt right. I could take that all night long. But he had other ideas. He grabbed the leather paddle (his new favorite).
“You are going to get ten swats with this. I am not going to wuss out this time. If you stand up, you get one more for each time you can’t stay still.”
At this point, I was a little nervous.
“Sweety, you don’t have to do it hard, I mean, it’s okay. I understand.”
“Turn around, hands on the table. Start counting.”
Grrr, I don’t like counting. In fact, I really don’t like it. Makes me feel so vulnerable. But I did. He first stroked my cheeks with the paddle, and then started. This was the first time it seems, I have gotten this type of intense, but very effective spanking. I dreaded every single swat while at the same time feeling so content. Weird combination.
The last three swats were delivered fast, hard, and perfect. DH has figured out how to use the leather paddle. He started entering me right away, but then withdrew and lead me back into the house, where we finished our maintenance.