Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Asking for it.

Asking for a spanking really just doesn't sit well with me. This has been a recurring theme for me and DH I guess, and I just recently understood why I avoid it. I don't want DH to feel like he failed me, which is what he always says whenever we do finally get around to it. It being a spanking. The last time I got a spanking, it was after this post. DH had of course read it on the train ride home.
 He was a little subdued that evening, and I kept trying to lighten up the mood. I even put on my outfit without him having to ask for it. I had ordered some new white above the knee socks, got the play box out and put it next to the bed.
DH liked the outfit. Who wouldn't? Even I think I look hot and adorable (weird combination) in it.
He had me standing in front of our dresser while he went and took a shower. Nothing like standing there with nothing to do but think.

When he got out, he guided me over his lap on the bed, and started spanking me. I love when he spanks me in bed because I feel so connected to him. He started telling me how dissapointed he was in himself for once again waiting to long, letting the reins slack, and not being the HoH he wants to be, the HoH I would like him to be. Instead of punishing me with a spanking, he really just felt bad himself, and spanking my butt ended up reassuring him more than me.

I got a comment from Dee on my last post .
"Interesting point of how DH feels when you ask for a spanking. The first thought that sprang to my mind was, DH making it a rule. As in, when you feel you need a spanking, that you must tell him your needs. Could be a good submission exercise?"
My first thought was, Brilliant! But then I got to thinking, that could really end up biting me in the butt. Like seriously. Which is what makes it brilliant, isn't it?
I told DH to go read the last comment on my blog, and he responded:

"Wow! Yeah, I like it. The consequences for NOT telling me… paddle. ;)"




Big shocker there, he likes that. Plus, ever since my birthday spanking he has been looking for an excuse to get the evil paddle back out again. This feels like it might  turn into a rule pretty soon. Thanks Dee! lol

23 comments:

  1. Sorry but........ ROTF! Please never EVER return the favour on my blog ok. ...... away giggling :)

    Dee x

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  2. well, it sounds like there may be a way out of this asking for a spanking dilemma after all eh?

    good to hear.

    (and i think in my corner of the world BIKSS is taking maintenance a little more seriously than he used to. .. will watch the man and let you guys know when I have more evidence!) LOL

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    1. Yeah I like maintenance! Such a great way to stay connected. ALthough I think we have to change our Sunday maintenance to another day because the step son is starting work soon and will work Tues to Sat till 11.30. Kind of excited to see what DH wants to do!

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    2. oh maintenance is definitely more frequent in this part of the world. if i had to survive on once a week i think i'd shrivel up and die.

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    3. Yeah, I don't know. Kids and all that. We have been so busy lately, ttwd has definitely taken a step back. :(

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  3. Yeah I always ask but I also always put it on me too. I always say that I am feeling out of control and I need some grounding and he never has a problem with it.

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  4. Well it sounds like it worked out. Ask for it = get spanked. Don't ask for it = get spanked. I see nothing wrong with that. I would ask though so you don't get the paddle, I really try to avoid it when I can. I think I hate it more than the cane.

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    1. Yeah the paddle is awful, but DH and I are really not fans of canes/caning, so I wouldn't know if it is worse or not....:D

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  5. Sounds like it is working itself out pretty well. Dontcha just love such helpful comments, lol. Of course, you might want to think twice before pointing them out next time ;D

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    1. Yes! I do love helpful comments like that! Not sure how I am going to feel after getting a paddle spanking though..

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  6. Well I never would have thought of that! Hey, whatever works right?

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    1. Well we will see if it does, and if he thinks it would even work. Mhhh.

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  7. Funny that Dee was your first comment here, too:) Be good and keep the communication flowing.

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  8. Careful, sometimes you get what you're asking for and then some...and then some more. Hope everything works out in the end. :)

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  9. Hey Julia I think it is a very clever way to think of it. Let us know how it works out.

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  10. This was a great article and i was glad to see it as this very topic has been on my mind! My wonderful husband is on board with being the HoH in our family, and even gave me my very first spanking a few days ago. He was very firm and stern during his lecture, but the spanking left me feeling disappointed. I know that things are very new to him as well, and we are just starting on our journey in this new dynamic, but how do i ask him for more without (a) undermining his authority and confidence, and (b) sounding too demanding? It seems that asking for spankings can be a touchy subject even for those with more experience, but what advice could you give on the matter for a couple just starting out? I would love to hear from you, and your DH if possible, as i would love to have an idea of what my husband's perspective (as a man) might be. Thanks and look forward to hearing from you!

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    1. Hi there,

      As you can tell, asking for it was really hard at the beginning because of the reasons you mentioned. I didn't want him to feel like I was telling him what to do, but at the same time, the spankings, if they happened, left me wanting and needing more.
      I am happy to say, I have learned to ask for a spanking, and I don't have to worry about him not doing enough anymore.
      I think DH was worried he would 'hurt' me and that is why he never did it enough for me. I would say talk to him, mention that you would like more, but at the same time, you don't want to tell him what to do. It is a touchy subject, but starting this lifestyle means that you both will have to learn to communicate even more and better. It is also in how you say it... Hope that helped. I will have DH write something too when he has time. :)

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    2. Yep, this was one of our central issues when we started. It's very strange to start a dd lifestyle as a man who has been taught to never hit a woman, and also didn't experience that kind of discipline growing up. I liked spanking Julia, but I didn't want to hurt her. We talked about it, a LOT, and I finally got comfortable with exceeding what I thought to be her boundary, only to find out that she wanted more, lol!

      It really helped when Julia would get into her outfit, or demonstrate submission in some way to let me know she really wanted a spanking. I think you can help that way, to get him 'in the mood' so to speak. Julia has gotten an implement out and put it on our bed sometimes, or done something 'naughty' to help me along.

      I don't know if any of this helps, but Julia is right about the communication: sometimes just explaining it to your man is enough to make him see. :-D

      Good luck!

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