Thursday, September 13, 2012

When e-mails get lost

Here I was, all ready to write about the email Elysia wrote to me after commenting on this post. I have my coffee standing next to me, door closed, no children in the house. I open my email client, and poof, not there anymore. As you can tell, I am having some email issues. I have it set up that all my gmail mail gets send to my Windows Live Mail, which is great, but I have noticed, email seems to disappear out of it, and not even gmail has it anymore. I am sure I just have a setting wrong, but yeah, so much for that.

Well I will try to write from memory, we will see how well that goes.
Elysia had left me a really nice and long comment on the post Dirty Rotten Scoundrel (I love you DH!), if I had to use one word to describe what she was talking about, it would be 'communication'. Communicating with one's other half is so important. I like to think that DH and I have always had great communication going, but ttwd has definitely moved it to the next level. If I had to describe me, it would be shy, quiet, honest, organized, efficient, emotional, and if you want my opinion, you will get my opinion.
What happened last week was a failure to communicate effectively. I knew he was working on something important. But I also knew I had been asking DH to not promise me spankapades unless he is sure. Well he did promise me, and in fact came home early to make up for being gone a lot. Really sweet right? Well he was a bit, how should I put it? Pissy. Yeah lets go with Pissy, really really pissy! And to top it all off, he had to log into work again. This generally doesn't bother me. I can handle it. We have been in the situation where he didn't have work, hence we didn't have an income, therefore, if my man has to work, I try to not make him feel bad for that. But DH was feeling guilty about having to work. And usually, not always, when DH feels guilty about things like that, he acts very defensively, and gets pissier. (Just made that a word...:D)
Elysia was pointing out that it was a failure to communicate that led to me feeling very disappointed and even led down. DH should have recognized that he had a re-shuffling of priorities, and should have taken the five minutes to tell me instead of feeling guilty. I think he should have stood tall and told me what was going on, instead of feeling guilty. This would have probably ended up making me a little mad/disappointed, but not seething like I was that night.

I am sorry Elysia, I really did lose the emails. I have been having this problem lately. And for somebody who is as organized as I am, that is pretty bad.

12 comments:

  1. Sorry you lost your emails! What's weird is that I was just working in a post based on a comment by Elysia. She's a wise lady!

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  2. I hate when I lose emails - although ususally it is my fault.

    Acting defensive never helps a siutation, ever. The problem is when one is actually being defensive it's hard to recognize that's what you are doing. It's easier when you have an HOH or master to point it out but when it's the other way around that can be tricky. I have not quite figured out a way to point it out with out getting punished for it, usually because by the time I am willing to point it I am screaming. You can take the Italian girl out of New York but....

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    1. I don't know if this was my fault...
      And that is one of the problems isn't it? That I have to point it out. That I notice. I don't always want to notice things, and bring it up. And then I don't get punished either because of course, why would I get punished? You know. Just seems really off balance sometimes.

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  3. A clear case of communication failure my dear, and the reason I recognize it so easily, is because I am a repeat offender.......the good thing is that you can use the snafu to discuss the problem and hopefully it will keep an even more damaging one from occurring.
    On the other hand.......given my record, I am not sure my advice should be followed. Good luck, sweetie :)

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    1. Thanks Lillie! You are too funny. I am sure it will happen again. It just does, but as long as we keep working at communicating, it will be fine!

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  4. Aah got to love technology sometimes.

    Most arguments start as with a break in communication. It takes a wise person to be able to look back and see it.

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    1. Yeah, we have argued a few times in our relationship, but we are usually not the arguing type, more like the total lack or mistake in communication.

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  5. I enjoy Elysia's communications as well! She's a wise lady and has some experience that many of us lack. She certainly has that "nail on the head" quality oftentimes.

    Yep, at the end of the day, most of the things that go wrong here are straight up all about a breakdown of communication.

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    1. Yeah I enjoy her input, as I enjoy all of my readers! It is just so nice and interesting to hear a different point of view.

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  6. I'm sorry I didn't come by earlier Julia. If a blog doesn't have "subscribe by e-mail" I find other ways to know if there is a new post. It's haphazard at best and truly frustrating. Would you consider adding this ability to your blog?
    I must have copies of our correspondence in my sent box, if you'd like I can resend.
    I think that hardest thing about such situations (Dirty Rotten Scoundrel) is when the HOH's emotions are in dark places- stress, anger, frustrations etc.- esp if they have nothing to do with us. We feel hurt by that as much as by their words or lack of attention.
    Dd doesn't fix every thing. But it can help in many areas. :-)

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    1. Mh, I will have to add that. For some reason that never occurred to me!

      And yes, dark thoughts, dark place, different place, just doesn't work with HoH, simply because he wasn't really here, but at work. Which is okay, understandable, but doesn't make it easier.

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