6 Weird Things That Affect Your Relationship

I was looking at the Cosmopolitan website when I came upon this list of things that can affect a relationship. I was never much of a Cosmopolitan reader, too many ads, and too much weird fashion, but they have some good articles on sex and relationships. So I figured I would share this one, and what I think of it.

1. Your Weight

Looking at nearly 200 newlywed couples, the University of Tennessee found that both men and women are more satisfied in their relationships when the woman's BMI was lower than the man's. While the study ruled out other factors like depression and income, which could have skewed the results, these findings are certainly not a reason to drop pounds. After all, the happiest relationships are those when both partners love and accept each other at any size, right?

I found this one interesting, although not surprising. Being healthy is kind of its own reward, isn't it? I have lost a fair amount of  weight over the last year, and losing this weight really is its own reward. I feel sexier, I look better, running is more fun, sex is better, I am more flexible and less self-conscious. 

2. Your Guy's Parents

According to a study at the University of Michigan's Institute for Social Research, couples have a 20 percent higher chance of breaking up when a woman is BFF with her guy's parents. So, if you're not super close with your man's mom... that might actually be a good thing.

Don't have that problem. His mom is really old, and by really old I don't mean anything mean, but she is just much older, and therefore I don't click with her like I would with a girl friend. Although I can see how this could get in the way...

3. Your Commute

Slogging through traffic morning and night seriously ups your stress levels—which in turn can totally affect your home life, according to research from Umeå University in Sweden. In fact, the risk of breaking up increases 40 percent if you have to commute to work every day.

DH's commute used to be terrible. Like one and a half hours each way in the car, stuck on the freeway. But not anymore. He takes the commuter train, and is home within the hour. But it is still a long commute. So I try to give him a few minutes when he gets in the door, if he needs it. If time/kids permit, I also love to welcome him home by helping him undress, kneeling in front of him. I think its a pretty good stress reliever what follows.

4. Your Contraception

Taking the Pill helps prevent pregnancy—and maybe breakups as well. According to one study, women who were on the Pill when they met their partners are more likely to remain in their relationships than those who weren't. The reason? Researchers concluded that those not on the Pill tend to judge potential boyfriends by more superficial qualities—like how good looking and good in bed they are—causing those relationships to end quicker.

DH got a vasectomy after our last child, therefore we just don't have to worry about it. But! I know how annoying having to worry about it can be. It really was a downer for us, and often kept us from actually having sex. Having to put on a condom and all that. Don't miss it!

5. Your Cell

Obviously, texting your mom while your guy's trying to tell you about his day is beyond rude, but the University of Essex found that your smartphone can put a damper on your relationship even when you're not using it. Couples who had heart-to-hearts with their cells nearby reported that they felt less trust in (and empathy from) their partners.

Found this one interesting, and I can see how when the cell is more important than the man, there could be trouble. But not here.

6. Your Dog

A U.K. study found that owning a pet might screw with your dating life. After surveying single men and women about how they'd feel dating someone with a furry friend, a whopping 28 percent said they'd never shack up with a dog owner. Lame sauce.

Well, we are pet owners, so this one doesn't affect us. At all. 

What do you guys think of this?

Early conversation

This morning in bed, both of us not ready to face another day of school and work, I asked DH about maintenance. 
"Are we going to schedule maintenance again?"
"Ahh, you need another spanking. Already. Okay."
"What?"
"Once you start talking about spankings again, I can tell you need one."
I always thought of this as if I have to start  talking about it again, then it is not often enough...but maybe that is just me?
"Well no, but we used to have a schedule for this, and I liked that."
"Why?"
"Because when I wasn't able to talk my way out of it, I knew you really wanted/needed it too."

Leading me to why I do that. I mean why do I try to talk myself out of it, well not really myself, but him? Why do I do that? I have reached this conclusion: I do it to see if he follows through, if he is going to be the HoH and tell me whats going to happen. Just thinking about it makes me feel all tingly.

As you guys read in the last post, things went a bit different this last weekend. And I liked it! Now I am just kind of waiting to see what happens next. What DH's follow through is, if he is going to let work distract him again. Or if he will finally see that doing ttwd helps him too. We will see!

Found this great site with spanking related pictures....

Upskirt spanking

DH here!  Julia asked me to write her a post after our adventures this weekend, so here it is.  :-)

I love upskirt pictures.  This one appeals to me for several reasons: the first is the color of her panties.  I love white panties, especially under a skirt.  The second reason is the view - she's standing with her legs apart so you can see the length of her crotch all the way through her ass cheeks.  I imagine being the lucky guy that could reach up and rub my thumb the length of the groove between her legs.  And the final reason I like this picture is because of what looks like a wet spot where I imagine her pussy would be. I try to get Julia in this state as often as possible ;) .

We turned a corner last night.  She's been frustrated again by what appears to be my lack of leadership and follow-through.  At the same time, I've been struggling with understanding my role.  Last week, she pointed me at (and installed on my Kindle) the book "Straights Academy" by Alice Liddell.  Mild spoiler alert: this book features spankings.  Her not-so-subtle message to me was the type of spankings featured in the book.  Right from the beginning, the spankings were harsher, harder, and much more thorough than I've been administering.  In the story, she cries out right away because the spanking is so hard.  She frantically tries to get away, even though she signed up for the spanking.  She flails her arms back to try to block the blows.  She needs to be trapped.  Pinned.  Spanked even harder.  I've been lucky if she's brought her legs up off the bed, in a sign of distress.  In general, she doesn't have trouble lying still.

"I want you to wear your outfit," I said, setting the stage for the spanking I had in mind.  I was going to insist on the whole show tonight, no matter what.

"Why?" she teased, testing my patience with her attitude.  Earlier in the day, she had mocked me for getting away with not obeying my wish to have her wear her outfit the night before.  I took the high road.

"I love how you look in your outfit, and when you wear it I feel stronger in my role," I said.  She smiled and batted her eyelashes.  "So I expect you to wear it when I ask you to," I continued sternly, "And not make fun of me later for getting away with not doing it."  Her eyes dropped at that.

"I'm sorry," she said softly.

"I know," I nodded, touching her hand.  "We'll talk about it tonight."

She put on her schoolgirl skirt and blouse over her full white panties.  I took her over my lap, and started spanking her through her skirt.  I told her how much I liked how she looked in her skirt, and how much I like it when she puts it on.  I pulled her skirt up and began spanking her through her panties.  But I spanked her harder than usual, and she started squirming on my lap before I pulled her panties down.  "I love seeing your panties pulled down," I said, as I caressed her red, glowing ass.  I rubbed the crotch of her panties between my fingers, feeling how damp it was.  I started spanking her bare ass cheeks with hard, measured strokes, bringing my arm up in a wide arc to swing down with force.

"I know I haven't been spanking you hard enough," I said, as she moaned out loud.  "I'm sorry about that, and I'm going to make up for that tonight, and every time I spank you from now on."  I concentrated 3 hard slaps on her left cheek, and she bucked and tried to twist her hips away.  I grabbed her around waist with my left arm and pulled her in close.  I started spanking her even harder, with a faster pace.  "I want to make sure you are being properly spanked."


I think it was the best spanking I've given her - it raised the bar for us. I've been tripping over not wanting to hurt her.  Today, we really had fun as a family, sharing her run this morning (the girls and I made it to the end of the block and back), and she stayed on task, getting her homework done and making a truly spectacular dinner.  I had no trouble exerting my authority, which resulted in a calm and peaceful day.  Our trust deepened last night: I trusted her guidance on what a spanking should be, and she trusted me to deliver, even though the prospect scared her as she sensed my determination throughout the day.

Progress?  It definitely feels that way.  

Hard getting back into the saddle

So the weekend is over, once again.  I am trying to find the right entry into this post.
You all read about the bully manager situation, and the HR meeting. DH came home, I was still really distraught and anxious. I mean this could cost him the job, and we have been unemployed before. While I love having DH home all the time, having sex any time of the day (we called it unemployment sex), I would really rather not have this happen to us again. I must admit, I was expecting him to reassure me, hold me, or something, but instead he was shaken, and not very confident. Our entire weekend, he kept going over the situations leading up to it, how he could have done things differently, if he should have.
I have been trying to not make him sound weak here on this blog, simply because he is not, but he does have self confidence issues. Sorry Shweety! Doing ttwd has helped though. It really has, when he does it.
I try to not bring it up, don't want to be the nagging wife after all, but the other day, I just asked him if we should stop saying we are doing ttwd, cause, we just aren't. (Spankings, yes, but more for fun/sex, than ttwd). He looked really mad all of a sudden. I really didn't mean it in a mean way, I was just trying to figure out what he wants to do.
"Of course we are not going to stop doing ttwd. We are doing it." Actually no, we haven't. At all. I mean, I put myself out there, asked for these things, like him paying attention to my eating habits, or that I run three times a week. Asking another human being to do something like that, at least for me, was really hard. It took a lot of courage, and I feel like he doesn't appreciate that, doesn't see it from my point of view. Leaving me to feel like I am hanging over a cliff all by myself. Again.


Sunday rolls around, and my friend offered to have our kids for a sleepover. Sounds good to me. Once we were home again, DH said for me to get to the bed, lean over, and he wanted to give me a spanking. Which sounds fine to me, always, but at the same time, I want more. Selfish, I know. I want more ttwd in our lives. I want it to weave itself through all of it. I want the discipline aspect of it, if needed. I want him to notice things, be the HoH in this house.

So I bend over the bed, ready for my spanking, he starts, and I just didn't react. I was sulking, I realized, not that that stopped me. Sometimes he has this tendency to not talk during it, and since he was being very quiet once again, I was fine just getting spanked without any reaction from me. FINE!

And then he started talking.
"I know you want more of this. I don't know why I got so out of doing it. I know you need this and so do I. I feel so much more confident when we do this, regularly....." And on it went. I was really not expecting him to actually know what was going on, but he was right on track.
I think the spanking cleaned the air a little. But at the same time, I  am still not sure if we are actually going to move forward now. Spanking is one thing, but without the other aspects of it, I don't even want a spanking.
I am not really asking for advice. I think this is something that will work itself out. I think DH is going to read this, and be reminded of why we wanted to start ttwd in the first place. For now, I better get on to doing the things he asked me to do this morning. See! I am a good girl!


And my class is going better than expected. It is really hard though. I don't like doing things half-assed (lol) and so I try really hard to get good grades, which is paying off, but also causes a lot of stress. But I am happy to report: So far - So good!

Harry Potter vs. 50 Shades of Grey

Reassurance

I love ttwd. It has brought DH and I so much closer. We seem to trust each other more. I didn't think we didn't trust each other before, but now, it is just so much closer. 

The other day, while I was lying over his lap getting a spanking, I was thinking that this trust comes from opening myself up more to him, which in turn lets him open up to me more. I was thinking that if I had never brought it up, we would have never done this, or even done the spanking thing. Before I read about ttwd, we never experimented with it during sex or anything. 

But since we started, and especially in the last few months, DH has gotten to the point, where he really will step up with whatever the problem is and face it head on. 

Today, his manager called him into a meeting, and low and behold, there is a person from HR in the room. And then he didn't send me any more emails. Leaving me to worry. I mean, we have been through something like this before, where I get a phone call from him, and he tells me he doesn't have a job anymore. The recession. I hated that feeling. That feeling of control slipping, and things just happening to us. It makes me anxious just to think about it. I think I am developing some anxiety issues actually, and it is really hard for me to let something like this go and not worry. 

So I wrote DH an email, telling him I can't shake the anxiety, I need to know what is going on.

Phone rings. He explains a little. Manager complained that DH had gone to work with a coworker at a coffee shop. Apparently that is not okay. Also apparently DH has been making manager sound bad to other people. Followed up with 

"Don't worry, I got this. He can't do anything to me, and even if he does, don't worry. I got this. I am strong. Let it go, relax, and I will see you at dinner time." 

A year ago, this wouldn't have meant much, honestly, because he wasn't that strong. But it is different now. I know he can handle himself. It actually seems like we reversed roles, I am the one that needs the reassurance, the comfort.

Bullying in the Workplace

So. Here I am, thinking I want to blog, but not sure what to share. I should post something really hot so I don't loose any of my readers, or at least that is what keeps going through my mind, but I don't think that is actually true. I have had hot stuff happening here at our house, and it is blog worthy, but for some reason, I can't find the right story to write. Have you ever experienced that? Its not like it is writer's block, because, as you can see, I am writing....

Rock Hudson. Enough said.

Life is still not really back to normal. We are no longer jet-lagged, but life has caught up with us again. My school started again, and honestly, it is kicking my ass. Usually I don't let myself get overwhelmed, but this class really stresses me out. To top that off, DH has been dealing with his manager, who is an ass. I can say that, right? From a "cooperation virgin's" (that would be me, never having worked in a big organization like that) standpoint, I keep thinking, there should be someone DH can talk to to resolve this douchyness of his manager, but no, there really isn't. Which I find extremely unprofessional and wrong. If the manager is being a bully, shouldn't there be something the employee can do? This really pisses me off. DH has come so far over the last two years. His confidence has gone up so much, he actually strides now. Just walking around, he strides. In a sexy way. Really sexy.
And now he has to figure out how to handle his manager without loosing his job, which makes me really mad.

This morning our stars aligned just right (or his manager is requiring the entire team to have a meeting way late and DH stayed home this morning), and we had some fun time. Alone. No kids. Us awake. Not cold. You know....
So, I got a spanking. Finally. Followed by really steamy sex. I think taking charge of our little playtime this morning left DH feeling better too. Not even more confident, but just better about that whole situation going on at work. I am so happy I can offer him such a great distraction.

Just having written this post I feel myself relaxing a bit. I can take my mind off this now and put it toward understanding my schoolwork. I already went running this morning, so that is off my mental checklist too.

Man of the House?

Happy Saturday!

Slow it down.

Instead of a long blog post, I figured I would just post this song. Not known in America that I know, but it was playing nonstop in Germany!

I hope everybody has a great weekend! And who knows, maybe at some point, I will have another spankapade to blog about, but for now, lets listen to this awesome song!

The continuous story of how jet lag makes having a kinky sex life really difficult

Life is back on in full swing. I am back in school starting today, my children started school yesterday, and DH is back to work full-time as well. Life seems to be mostly back to normal, which is good, I love things that are organized, like having a schedule for the day. I really need that. One thing that isn't back to normal yet is our sleep schedule, still. A whole week later, and DH and I are still so exhausted at around 8. The bed starts calling to us louder and louder, begging us to crawl into it and fall asleep snuggling. Which we have been doing. And don't get me wrong, we still have sex, usually just really early in the morning, and to me, morning just doesn't scream kinky sex. You know what I mean?

I miss our 'kinky' sex. When the kids are in bed in the evening, we know they won't get up again (most likely) and we can enjoy hours of playtime. I really miss this playtime. But we are just too tired, and it is not just me. Last night was going pretty well, DH told me to get in the shower, and went and got our play box out. Then he got in the shower, and by the time he finally got out, I was all snuggled up in bed. He came into bed with me, and before you know it, we were both asleep. DH told me this morning not to worry, we will get over this jet lag, but at the moment, it is hard to imagine that.

And really, what a thing to complain about, I know.


I hope everybody has a great day! And if you have any tips for getting over jetlag when your partner is just as tired, please share! Usually, for example, my mother, we just keep her up, entertain her, keep her going and she adjusts fairly easily, but when the whole house is as tired as you are, it is pretty hard to stay up....

Jet Lag Sex/Picture Friday!

We are back home. Oh it is so nice to be home: our own bed, the kids in their own beds, having a minute to yourself, maybe even two. Although the time difference is really getting to us. DH and I have been going to bed shortly after tucking the kids in. Its hard to stay up when you are that tired, cold, and know you have the most beautiful bed in the world right there. The upside is waking up at four, being wide awake, watching Family Guy, and having awesome sex in our very own bed. No squeaking.
We had a great trip. I had a great time in Germany. During previous visits, it would happen that everybody in the family would revert to old roles, for example, me not speaking my mind about things that I should have, or being talked over. While growing up, my entire family kept talking over me, interrupting me. Not anymore. I just don't let it happen. I have also learned to speak up, speak my mind. I feel really good about this. And honestly, I can trace this back to ttwd too. This dynamic doesn't just work for DH, it really has made me more aware of what I can do, who I am, and that I have an opinion and if people ask me, they will hear this opinion.
Those three weeks in Germany were long on one hand, I missed the more obvious aspects of ttwd, like spankings, and at times DH and I could have really used one to set us on the right path again. And one time, DH did find the moment and spanked me as hard as he could through my jeans. I don't even remember why, I do remember however, how much it stung. Seriously. Well I do remember the circumstances. DH is a bad traveller, and when his environment changes, he has a hard time staying cool, which makes it hard for me to follow, because it appears there is no leader to follow. You know what I mean? But we figured it out. I think.

During previous visits to my mother's house, DH and I would end up not having sex at all, mainly because I wasn't in the mood  because of my mother being right there. That wasn't the case this time. Something just clicked with me, and I have realized it doesn't get anymore natural than having sex. After one 'session', we both fell on top of one another and said within the same breath, "Pretty good for Germany" and started laughing.
So there is my update. All I can think of for now. Today is DH's first day back to work, kids are still out of school, and I have a house that appears to have imploded (?) with stuff in places I have no idea how it got there....