Sunday, February 3, 2013

A challenging start

I wasn't too excited about this weekend to start. I was not feeling like I was in the right  place emotionally, and certainly not where DH seemed to be. Our continuing dance of me wanting more ttwd, and him not following through continued for me, leading me to question why I wanted this, and how selfish of me to ask that much more of him, when he has his own issues going on at work. Issues I didn't even want to hear about anymore. How selfish of me. Leading to feelings of guilt, and maybe even giving up on even wanting this anymore. I mean DH and I have a great life together, so why put this extra thing on our relationship, if all it does, is cause me to feel neglected and alone and guilty.

Tuesday is our ten-year anniversary  and then just a few days later is Valentine's Day, so we always feel like February is for just for the two of us. Spanky suggested this CWS February Challenge, and I figured why not. The last challenge I set for DH and I worked out great, and was a lot of fun. If nothing else, it will bring me into the right head space, and maybe even DH.

It didn't start off very gracefully, there was some turning down involved, but we pulled it off the first night, ending with DH getting me off my knees, turning me around, unbuckling my pants, and fucking me hard. The second evening, in a different part of the room I might add, was different:

First off, yesterday I went and got waxed for the first time. I am all smooth and bald. Feels great. DH and I felt a little more connected, and we could see what was needed. We communicated all day even though we were both running different errands, and we both looked forward to the evening activities, although I was anxious to see if I would be too sensitive down below.

And I think we figured out what goes wrong between us: I need it more often than he does. DH can go weeks in between without focusing on ttwd. I need it more, I need to feel it, one way or the other, and when I don't, I start to doubt. Which means basically, I start to not trust DH I guess. Trust him tom want this too, and do it. So I got a new rule yesterday. I may not question ttwd anymore. First I thought it was ridiculous. I mean, you can't forbid me to feel that way, but as he explained it more, and especially now sitting here the next morning, it makes sense. Next, he had me climb over his lap, and lay across his legs. He spanked me, for a while. For the sexy parts, go to the CWS blog:




I think I have learned a bit more this weekend, not just that waxing your vagina doesn't hurt as much as expected, but also, that I need to trust my man. I will work on that.

16 comments:

  1. Making strides. :) I think we all go there sometimes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well I hoped I wasn't the only one. But just glad to have figured out a bit more of this puzzle.

      Delete
  2. Hope everything goes well, Julia
    hugs

    ReplyDelete
  3. so glad you love the wax- me too!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. When we don't pay enough attention to ttwd, especially my husband, I lose respect for him. It takes a lot of work to get it back, which is hard. I wonder if there's trust issues there too...will have to think about it. Hang in there!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well I know I don't trust him to actually want this too, although I would trust him with my life. It just seems when he doesn't pay attention to ttwd, he is not interested, and I lose that confidence in him. I will have to work on it, now that I realize that.

      Delete
  5. I hope you show that challenge who's boss ;)

    ReplyDelete
  6. LOL both valuable lessons;) Happy Anniversary you guys!!!

    ReplyDelete
  7. I totally get the need for ttwd. Sometimes, I joke about getting in trouble on purpose, just so I can feel his dominance...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Kitty. Seriously. I was starting to feel like I am all whiny on my blog, and the only one not getting enough. Don't feel like that anymore, but just to assure you, I have told him the same thing before too...:D

      Delete
  8. I soo get the need for ttwd, and that "feeling" pretty often. It's something we just can't turn off. Sounds like you guys are making progress though, so that's awesome :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We are making progress. I feel like I am starting to understand more, and feeling more comfortable with my feelings. But thank you for saying this, really helped to know I am not too whiny..:)

      Delete

I love reading comments, and would love to hear from you!