Also, my first blog anniversary came and went by. I have really enjoyed this past year, I love seeing personal growth, and even blog growth, I love how I have found my groove, and some lovely blogs to follow!
Things That Make Me Come
My sexual urges started when I was eleven, I started touching myself, but I remember it never got me anywhere. Then I discovered softcore porn on German TV on Saturday nights. Movies like the Schulmaedchen Report (google it too, lots of clips you can watch) and I would try to stay up late to watch it. This did get me somewhere. :) And after, I would immediately turn it off and be grossed out by myself.
Until the next time...
My first boyfriend, I was 13, he was 15, and I had lots of sex, but I never actually came with him. I just could never do it. He tried, but ultimately it didn't matter enough and he just wanted to get some. He didn't take the time to figure out what was keeping me from relaxing. I still masturbated, usually to images of that boyfriend and I doing something that we never actually did. And even if we had, it hadn't felt like it felt in my fantasy.
From 15 to 18 I was very depressed, the boyfriend broke my heart and I didn't get over it. I most likely masturbated to some fantasy of him, sometimes to another 'man' (so young, not really man yet). Still very innocent fantasies like doing it doggy style and letting loose during sex - actually reaching climax.
I met DH when I was 18, and we started having sex within a month of knowing each other. It bothered him that I never came during sex. The more it bothered him, the more I felt pressured about it, and of course didn't come during sex, but he would get the dildo and just take his time with me, paying attention to me, and reassuring me.
As the first few months went by, and we got to know each other a bit better, I learned that DH had a
serious drinking problem. Don't ask me how I hadn't know it until then, I don't know. I guess I had never really been exposed to anyone having an issue with addiction and didn't think about it. I soon discovered I felt more relaxed having sex with the drunk DH simply because he wouldn't remember the next day, plus he would really get into it during sex. We role played. Mister/Little Girl. It was hot. We were carefree, his kids didn't live with us anymore, and he had a good job. We could play that in the whole house not worrying about a thing. I didn't masturbate much those days as I remember.
Five years ago, when I was 24, we just had our second child, and he used condoms (biggest buzz killer in the universe). Our sex life was very sporadic, and I read a lot of romance novels. A lot. Being home with kids, especially babies, I remember reading a lot. Lora Leigh, and tamer romance novels without that much sex. I masturbated more often as DH was playing WoW. His son had moved back in with us. I fantasized about being desired, wanted, and taken.
Last month, DH took me over his lap and spanked me, lectured me on something, fairly sternly, then I sucked his cock and teased him. I enjoyed the pleasure I was giving him, the look I get from him just for me. He had shaved his balls that day, and he felt so smooth as I glided along his thick, throbbing
cock, down to his full balls, just to come back up again and take him all the way in my mouth.
When he couldn't wait any longer because I had been teasing him so much, he put a pillow under my hips, I lay on it, and he slowly entered me all the way in, slowly, but to the hilt. The feeling of fullness, and trust in this man overcame me, I let lose and I came. He looked at me, feeling my pussy clenching him tight, and he started pulled out a few more times only to enter all the way again. He came within a few strokes as well. He held me very tight, and kissed my forehead.
That is what I have been thinking about lately when I masturbate. I still masturbate because life is not always making it easy on us, with back pain, periods that come more often then they should, step children, and just life in general. Masturbating is healthy in my opinion, it keeps the motor going. And how lucky am I to be fantasizing about my husband and my own sex life???!