Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Unemployment and TTWD - A duet

Unemployment - When I think of it, I think back to 2009/2010, the American economy was so down, I was sure everybody felt the way we did, but after it started to recover in the last two years, I have talked to many people who never realized how bad it was/is for some families.
In our case, we were all healthy, and we never had to go hungry, but there was no money, we borrowed a lot of money from credit cards as well as family. We are almost done paying off these credit cards now, family still wants money, so you can understand that when I heard DH lost his job, I was unsure. I got into my car, and drove downtown to go get him. About 40 minutes of a drive. Alone. No music. Rain. And a lot of time to think.
Seattle in the rain, and no, this was in the middle of the afternoon.
During the drive, I am not proud, there was some despair, tears, doubt, and not much positive thinking going on. But as I got off the freeway, I realized that this will set the tone of how we handle this situation. If I pick him up, crying and losing faith in him and us, that is most likely going to set a really bad tone for what is coming next. 
I pulled up to where I saw him standing, turned off the car, and waited for him to come into the car. I told him that I love him, trying to figure out how he is doing. Depression wise. Anger wise. Anything wise, really. 
And he was okay. We talked, made plans, held hands. I asked him if he was ready to go home and leave that place behind him. He was, and he got into the driver's seat and took us home.
During the drive home, I felt mostly calm, which freaked me out a bit. I mean, who just feels calm during something like this? I told him, and he smiled. DH smiled an hour after being laid off. 
"That is because we are so much stronger my love, you trust me, you trust me to lead us, to not check out and hide behind the depression." And he is right.
Since then, he has had several leads, some phone interviews (one right now behind me, I am wearing headphones), a lot of family time, fun, sex, spankings, sunshine, and just enjoying each other. 
I have gone into freak-out-mode a few times, but he caught it right at the start, and nipped it in the butt. Literally. 

I love this post, already.  :)  Julia's right, it has really been better this time around, and the difference has been confidence.  During my phone interview this morning, the recruiter asked me some technically-oriented questions that would have rattled me a couple of years ago.  Before I became more confident as a HoH, I used to get the "deer in the headlights syndrome" on a regular basis: someone would ask me a question I should know the answer to, and I wouldn't be able to answer because I didn't think I could.  But now I know I have the answers, and that I'm competent.  It wasn't ever a question, really, just a lack of confidence.

Julia and I have agreed to keep a positive attitude throughout this experience.  It's not fun to lose a job, but at the same time, there's no point in feeling sorry for ourselves.  When I catch one of us going there, I crack down immediately and correct the behavior, because it just doesn't help.
On Monday (my first official day without a job), Julia started to lose it. She heard the water running in the shower, and assumed that I was taking a shower instead of looking for a job as I had promised.  (Like he used to do last time around, for hours he would be in that shower) She burst into the bathroom, ready to accuse me, and I was merely cleaning the sink.  (Oops)

Julia: Oh, I thought you were in the shower not looking for a job. (SHIT, I may be in trouble)
Me: Nope.  Now I want you to go into the closet and get down on your knees and wait for me.
Love Incarnate
Julia: What?  (She looked guilty, and a little concerned.) (I felt guilty, and caught actually, and bad for not believing in him apparently)
Me: You are not trusting me to do what I said.  Wait for me in the closet.
I finished my chore in the bathroom, and found her in the closet with her pants and panties pulled down, on her hands and knees, with her beautiful bottom high in the air. 

"Good girl."

As I spanked her, I lectured her on how we need to trust each other, and maintain a positive attitude.  And, that I will get a new job that I like to support our family.  I helped her back up, gave her a hug, and returned to looking for work.

39 comments:

  1. Positivity and confidence is the key. Keep boosting up each other.

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    1. :D We are! And enjoying sunshine! Finally some sun in our part of the world!

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    2. Hi sunnygirl - thanks, we really are. :)

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  2. You guys are going about this (loss of job) perfectly. I love the way you lift and reassure each other.

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    1. Yes, you are right, that is what we are doing, I just realized that reading your comment. Thanks Sarah!

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    2. Thanks, Sarah. I really believe ttwd has given both of us the strength to handle this event.

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  3. Somehow I just KNOW that what's in store for him on the future job front is going to be so much better than the last job! For all of you.

    Sending you positive thoughts...

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    1. Thank you so much rednakedy, you are so sweet!

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    2. Thank you! Got an in-person interview tomorrow!

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  4. Sorry this had to heppen but you are certainly handling it well. Rednakedy's comment is very true, you guys will find something perfect for your family and things will be better than before.

    Wishing you the best and thinking of you often.

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    1. Thank you db, that is a very nice thing to know and hear. And funny cause I keep thinking about how you guys are finally going to move in together, and I am so excited for you!

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    2. Thank you very much - I've had a really amazing amount of help from my friends and former colleagues, and I'm pretty sure I'll have positive things to report soon!

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  5. Getting through the tough times together...that is the key. A door has closed, but a window...full of fresh new beginnings...will open.
    Sending positive thoughts
    hugs abby

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    1. Yes it is, everybody can do the easy times, its the harder times that challenge a person, and a couple and shows you what they are made of, thanks Abby!

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  6. Wow you guys! It's amazing how different things are this time around. Keep that positive attitude and things are bound to turn around soon:)

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    1. Yeah it really is, thanks Tess!

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    2. Yes! It feels like we're already going there, lol! Thanks for your comment!

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  7. We're there with you, Julia! Bossman has been here almost a year now and is still out of work. It's a test on any relationship, but DD takes it even harder. We struggle in our roles when the submissive member is the dominant member in terms of money and confidence. I'm so glad to hear that you're able to support each other, and I really hope these leads turn into a new job! We're all rooting for you guys!

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    1. I am sorry he is still looking too Rosie, I can't believe its been a year! Last time around, I was the more dominant one, unwillingly, so I am very happy with how we are handling it this far this time around.
      Is the industry Bossman works in not picking up again yet?

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    2. Hi Rosie - losing my confidence has really been the thing I've struggled with the most, after getting laid off the first time. Getting laid off sucks - I hope Bossman lands a job soon!

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  8. You did good DH by nipping it in the bud as soon as possible to show her that you are there for the long haul and Julia you reaffirmed his confidence by allowing yourself to submit to him when he spanked you. Good going to the both of you.

    Bob

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  9. It's so refreshing to see a couple go through this with the trust, support and positive attitude you two are. They say everything happens for a reason. I think there's a better job out there for him and this will lead him to it.

    Wishing you the best
    Kim

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    1. Thank you Kim, I appreciate your nice comment! This week has been amazing, he has had several interviews already. I am kind of amazed at how much better the industry is doing this time around. :)

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    2. Thanks, Kim! Julia's right, my industry has had a lot of jobs open up where we live. I just talked to my friend this afternoon who is recruiting me for a position where he works, and he says I'll love the environment there. I'm really excited to do something different, lol. Thanks for your comment!

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  10. You are handling this so well. It's wonderful to see the trust, positivity and confidence between you too. Good on you DH for nipping things in the bud and good on you Julia for setting the right tone when you picked DH up from work, and for submitting to the spanking.

    With this level of positivity and confidence things are bound to turn around for you and hopefully an even better job will come along.

    Wishing you all the best.

    Hugs,
    Roz

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    1. Thanks, Roz! Julia has really been great, and we're enjoying the ability to make the most out of our time together. Today we took our girls for a walk, and the sunny day was just amazing. I think we both want to look back at this week, and think we did it right!

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  11. We've been there, too. And I can just say that this path you are on now will lead you to the destination you are meant to meet.

    Lots of positive thoughts sent your way!

    Elisa Xo

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  12. We have been there too. You are right the key is staying positive. The moments where you crumble turn toward each other. The confidence really makes a difference!

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    1. Hi Minelle - I think we had that moment before Julia picked me up from work the day I was laid off. I wasn't sure I was ready for her to pick me up from work, but when she called after arriving, I knew we were going to be OK, and work it out together. Thanks for your comment.

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  13. This post seriously made me smile thinking about the two of you being there for each other. Julia, I think you were so right with thinking about how it'd set the tone from that point forward. This post REALLY makes it obvious how you two are so good for each other, and can be there for each other through the difficult times. Seriously SO sweet. :)

    Staying positive helps so much .. sending LOTS of positive thoughts your way! :)

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    1. Hi Kenzie, thanks for your kind words, the amount of support we've received is more than a little humbling, thank you. I have 2 interviews tomorrow - we'll update everyone with the results!

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  14. There is something about the responsible HOH mindset, the protective nature which changes things in a man's head. This was a really neat post from both of you--showing how different things are now. Good for you DH and keep believing in him Julia. There is only better things ahead for your whole family.

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    1. I agree Susie, it really seems like DH has reached that mindset, thank you. I am so glad I have blogged our journey through these changes!

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  15. Thank you so much for sharing this post. What a difference this time around. It's amazing how much confidence and trust plays a part in our lives. Confidence in yourselves, your relationship, your roles and trust that you'll see each other through it all. Just amazing and made me think about my trust and confidence.

    Sending you good thoughts and my fingers are crossed something comes available soon. In the meantime enjoy your family time!

    <3 Lily

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