Wednesday, April 17, 2013

What is a submissive wife?

Marriage isn't easy. Never was, never will be. People change, opinions change, we experience new things every day, and if the two partners in the marriage do not pay attention, the connection between man and wife can grow weak, tear, or be lost.
My husband recently gave me an assignment for my blog; he wants me to write what I think a submissive wife is. He asked me this after a weekend filled with reconnecting after a pretty bad blow-up, caused by his inconsistency (will have to wait for another blog post).

When he first asked me, I couldn't answer, nothing specific came to mind. Pleasing my husband, letting him lead the family, being there for him if he needs me. Yes those are all true, but doesn't really tell anyone anything about what a submissive wife is.
DH and I just started watching Mad Men on Netflix, what a fascinating show! It plays in the 1960s and after watching a few episodes I have already changed my view on submission, the 1950s and 1960s, feminism, and men. I used to think wives back then were more submissive in nature, but watching that show has helped me understand that while they may have been more submissive, they also didn't have a choice. The way they were treated by their own husbands is not what I would call a DD marriage. It made me aware of the fact that one thing about a submissive wife is that she chooses to be submissive. She gives her submission to her husband as a gift. To be treated as such, and not as a doormat. My submission to DH is given willingly and with my whole heart.
Long before we discovered the Taken in Hand website, we established that we wanted me to stay home, take care of home and children. We decided I would provide our family with dinner every night, make sure every member of the family has something to wear, and the house runs smoothly. We decided all this before every knowing about the DD lifestyle.
DH has always been the one guiding our family, making choices for us, taking care of things for the entire family. He is a good leader, I trust him to have our best interest in his heart. He is human, he makes mistakes, but he also learns from them.

I treat my husband with respect, always. I am always honest with him, although I always make sure to say things with a loving intent, otherwise honesty can be too brutal in my opinion. I am a submissive wife to my husband by serving him when he is asking for something as well as by knowing what that something is before he even asks for it. I defer to my husband with many decisions because I value his opinion and know he won't let us do the wrong thing.  And, I don't question his decisions.
I also asked him to help me with something: Ever since I was a teenager, I wanted to be a runner, but never had the discipline to follow through. I asked him to help 'motivate' me. He does this with the threat of a spanking, although to be quite honest, that threat is most often not the threat he thinks it is....The point is, I asked this very personal thing of him, and to follow up and to care whether I do it or not. And I try my hardest not to disappoint him and make him proud.
And of course, I enjoy him spanking me. It helps reinforce out dynamic, most of the time it is fun, and leads to mind-blowing sex. This may not be the lifestyle for everyone, but it is for DH and I.

I am sure I forgot a bunch of things, I might edit as it comes to me, but meanwhile how is it different or the same for you?


19 comments:

  1. Hi Julia,
    It is pretty much the same for us. I take care of the house, kids, meals and schedules. I trust my husbands lead and try to help him by making things at home more easy and comfortable for him while he goes out and works hard for us. I treat him with respect and and he finds my submission as the greatest gift. And yes, after a spanking we always enjoy that mind blowing sex. For us it is our way of the most Imamate way of connecting.
    Kim

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    1. Exactly! That is exactly how it is for us too!

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  2. Nice post Julia. I like your thoughts on submission.

    Dee x

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  3. This is a great post Julia, and well stated. I totally agree with everything you have mentioned here. We choose to submit and our submission is given as a gift to be treated as such.

    Hugs,
    Roz

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  4. A lot of this sounds very familiar to me and, like you guys, much of it was established well before ttwd and the discipline aspect was a part of our relationship. We didn't consciously set out to have traditional roles within our marriage...I guess it's always just been that way because that's what felt right for us. Ttwd has given us a new framework for thinking about things. I love the idea of having a living list like this, that you can add to as your definition and expressions of submission evolve:)

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    1. It was a bit different for us. We were not that aware of the fact that we are living rather traditionally, but finding ttwd gave us a framework (like you guys) and we added spankings as a form of connection and a little correction too!

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  5. It's nice hearing your thoughts on submission. Good post.

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  6. This was described beautifully Julia. Submission is all those things and what we get back in return ia amazing. Glad to hear there was reconnecting after the blow up.

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    1. Yes, the reconnecting was so needed, and you are right, what we get back in return is not even something I can describe. But I wish that feeling of being taken care of to anyone. So beautiful. :)

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  7. What a wonderful way to explain your relationship, our submission to our husbands is a gift not to be taken for granted. Good for you guys.

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  8. As a historian, I find our particular brand of spanking nostalgia disturbing. We long for the "good ol' days when men took their women in hand!" Except what we forget is that the woman was an non-consenting partner. "Traditional" roles are mostly mythical because very few people had the means to allow either partner to stay home. What we mean by "traditional" is "Boy, aren't the 1950s so cute!" So, I loved your comment about Mad Men :)

    I like your thoughts on what submission means to you. It sounds like a work in progress, but working all the same! It's great that you guys have found what works so well for you!

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    1. Thanks Rosie,
      and you are right, the traditional thing is not actually what was every traditional, just reminds us of those days I guess without actually knowing how it really was. Like Mad Men, I mean, that is just horrible, seeing how it was before the women's movement. Unbelievable. And all the smoking!

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  9. I think you put it into words very nicely. I think it was a great idea for him to have you post that to your blog as an assignment, especially after having a little bump in the road. Great assignment idea.

    I can't even begin to answer the question, lol, so i'm glad I have your definition to read! Thanks for sharing!

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    1. Haha, you are funny! To be honest, I did look online a bit, and did you know there is a 'How to be a submissive wife' article on ehow? So funny! And then I ended up just thinking about it after all. :)

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  10. Very interesting, Julia. Thanks for posting.
    hugs
    lillie

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