Sunday, April 21, 2013

Why to Spank your Wife

Hi, DH here! This is post is a long-overdue follow-up to my how to spank your wife post.


I think the hardest part of our dynamic for me has been really understanding that Julia isn't just acting submissive, she is submissive.  She really does need my loving guidance and leadership in our marriage.  And that is really the key: it's within the context of our marriage.  She could handle her life just fine
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without me.

And yet, she submits to me as her HoH.  I have the final say on all family decisions.  Although she handles paying the bills, major financial decisions are mine.  I set the rules for her, and I expect them to be followed.  It's that we agree on this arrangement that makes this thing we do work for us.

I've become fascinated by ttwd, and the effect it's had on my marriage with Julia, and also the effect it has had on me as a person. Looking back, it seems clear to me that my new confidence in my own abilities and strength have allowed me to make the best decisions I could have made in a very tough year. The validation? I just got a raise! (And a week later "let go".)

Spanking your wife affirms your strength and dominance and gives you confidence that helps you in every area of your life.

I know Julia has benefited as well. She started running in the last year, and has kept her commitment through rain, shine, backaches, and family visits. Today, I agreed to implement a new rule: if she misses a day of running, regardless of the reason, I'll give her 7 swats with her least favorite implement, the wooden paddle. On the surface of it, that sounds pretty caveman-ey on my part. But the truth is that Julia wants it that way, so that having the threat of swats hanging over her head will "help get back into running again" after a break.

Spanking your wife helps her build confidence and character, and motivation to complete tasks.

Sometimes, our dynamic requires that I discipline Julia for breaking one of our rules. Our rules represent the contract on which we've developed and based our trust. Violations of that trust cause hurt feelings through unmet expectations. To clear the air, I spank Julia to discipline her. I lecture her during the spanking about how important the rule is, and how I need to be able to trust her to follow the rule. I ask her if she agrees, and we talk if necessary. But by the end of the spanking, the issue is resolved and doesn't bother us anymore.

Is it somewhat hypocritical for the man to spank the wife for an infraction, and get to skate by blamelessly when he screws the pooch? Yep. You don't want to be that guy, trust me. Nothing feels worse than the reproach I've seen in Julia's eyes, when I've let her down. But I'm the man. There's nothing I can do except admit when I'm wrong, apologize when it's necessary, and return to running my household.

Spanking your wife provides her discipline when she breaks the rules and enforces your authority as head of the household.

I'm also fascinated by the evolution of human behavior. Julia and I are currently watching the series Mad Men on Netflix. The first season is set in 1960, and every episode crackles with the tension between men and women. The men are men, and their attitudes are reflected in the jokes they tell: "I got a phone call at the bar saying my wife gave birth, and now I gotta pay for college!"  Men pride themselves on being strong, and weaker men are preyed on, even as they fantasize out loud about being more manly themselves.

Fifty years later, it feels like evolution. In many ways, we just don't think the way we did. Roles between men and women have changed as a result of the feminism movement, which has established the basic truth that women deserve equal rights. 'Cause they're, you know, people. Like men. The article that Julia posted sounds funny today, but the guy that said that men would be sorry when they stopped spanking their wives was right: men voluntarily gave up the right to lead their households. My generation wasn't taught how to have a relationship with a woman, because of the rapid social changes that were going on in the 1970's. I think men conceded their authority in relationships, and the result has been broken families.
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Don't get me wrong: I don't think a ttwd/spanking relationship is right for everyone. It requires consent, consistency, trust, and mutual agreement between both parties. But I believe that the taken in hand movement is almost an unconscious human expression of an evolutionary trait that we're not ready to leave behind.

Spanking your wife could be a human trait that shouldn't be left behind, at least for people who need and thrive on it.

What do you think about why you should spank your wife? Or as a wife, why you should be spanked? ;)



30 comments:

  1. Thanks for sharing - good post.

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  2. My wonderful hubby would tell you that Im a very good wife who is way to high strung, who takes care of four kids, fourteen room house and last year worked three jobs.I would say hes right and since I was laid off two months ago, I am even more stressed out. So it keeps me calm and keeps the prozac away. Did I mention it makes him happy also. He says after 25 years of marriage he has a way of chillin me out and getting me to slow down if just for twenty minutes.Have fun

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    1. Hi Annie - ttwd has had the same effect for Julia too. It's very calming for both of us when I take her over my lap and give her a good spanking. Thanks for your comment!

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    2. I really don't understand that "evolution" thing you mentioned. Throughout European history, I really don't know enough to mention any other kind, violence was used to solve problems. There were feuds; there were rapes; there was no security for children. Civilization only exists when women have status & are revered.Our society is in bad shape now, not because of the FACT of feminism, but because of the style of feminism which has evolved (oops! There's that word again!) In the 70's, feminism was more about how women have it easier; we are allowed to show our emotions more than are men. We can do several things fairly well & don't mind telling other women that we admire their competence. Does a man feel safe confiding in his friends? It's somehow considered weak or homosexual.
      The problem with modern feminism is that instead of women REJOICING in their femininity (the American version of femininity, which is nothing like inferior to masculinity - just different) the women try to be MASCULINE, which is fine for a small (or, perhaps not so small) majority of women, but, as you have figured out, really, really hard for most, including me. Personally, I like to be spanked & even whipped, but I have no husband and unfortunately my former lover was not a true dominant & couldn't continue. It was real fun until he started implying that there was something wrong with me that I wanted it.

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  3. Hi DH,

    This is an excellent post, thank you for sharing your thoughts. It's always good to hear the HoH view and I'm sure this will be helpful to new HoH's whose wives have approached them about this lifestyle and are struggling to come to grips with the concept.

    I think the biggest factor, as you say, is consent. This is what we, as a couple have agreed on and we know the wonderful benefits it brings us as individuals and as a couple. We have also both grown in confidence since incorporating ttwd into our relationship.

    Hugs,
    Roz

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    1. I also think this is a good blog post to read for those trying to understand why the wife is asking this. DH thinks of it as what he would have liked to find when I first approached him about this lifestyle...

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    2. Hi Roz - yes! I think the benefits are amazing, but it does rely on the foundation of trust and consent. I was just telling Julia yesterday that I've been more honest with her than anyone else in my entire life. :)

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  4. Great post! I'm going to share it with Hubby. He's still just dipping his toes in the DD water.

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    1. Well, after having done this for a little bit now, I can honestly say dipping your toes slowly is better than jumping in head first! :)

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    2. Hi lilmisses - thank you, yes, take it slow and good luck!

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  5. I'm really happy that this was posted. I'm trying to get hubby to try this again. We've both got a long way to go. I just want to be spanked, it honestly helps keep me focused and while I don't like it the benefits outweigh a hundred times over.

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    1. Adaline,
      I know how much it can help, but honestly, it took me a while to get used to the idea of just wanting a spanking. Once I got over it, DH could get over me being reluctant because he knows I just want the spanking, and doesn't think my hesitation is a hesitation of wanting to be spanked, but just about WANTING a spanking....

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    2. Hi Adaline - yep, it took me a while to realize that I was benefitting as much (or sometimes more) than Julia, which isn't something that occurred to me when we started. Looking back, though, I can see how being a strong HoH has helped me in every area of my life. Thanks for your comment!

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  6. Great post, love to hear from HoH. I plan to show this to Vic. Consent between to loving adults makes this whole thing work. Thanks for sharing.

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    1. I love writing, or encouraging him to write, about something I would have liked to read about when we started this. Glad you liked!

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    2. Hi Cathie - thanks, yes, consent is key!

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  7. It works well for us because it stopped all the power struggles. We decided Daddy is in charge and makes all the final decisions. As a result he is very careful when making those decisions and because of that the level of trust between us is amazing.

    Daddy did not want this when it was first brought to him but we tried it out and have never looked back. As a result he has become more confident, the arguments (on the rare occasion they happen) are lighter and not those nasty taking jabs at one another type of thing and deferring to him has brought out a really affectionate side in both of us as well.

    Thanks for the post DH......hi Julia (waving at you).

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    1. Before we started ttwd, I used to make Julia navigate in the car, even in our own neighborhood, because I didn't want us to fight about driving. Now, she still navigates, but I'm much more confident about being in charge, so fighting is never an issue. Our dynamic has really changed both of us, and removed power struggles entirely for us too. Great comment!

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  8. Thanks for the post DH (And hi to you too Julia!) This was really nice to read.

    I love all of those reasons. I think it builds confidence in both parties, and it just reaffirms those roles. If it weren't for spanking in certain situations, it'd turn into a huge loooong, exhausting fight, but with spanking - it's done and over with a lot quicker. There are so many great reasons for it. Thanks for sharing this! :)

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    1. Hi Kenzie - yep, I really believe that ttwd is a forgotten part of the human dynamic in relationships - it's kind of like discovering a hidden ability that's been there all along, lol!

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  9. I don't want to say I understand this lifestyle, cause I don't. I don't attach any judgement to it either, whatever two consenting adults do to make them happy should be the ultimate goal in my opinion.

    I do have two comments:

    1.) Very well written post, you're a good writer.

    2.) I think what you said about being the HOH and what that means to you is dead on.

    If you accept that role, you actually have a very large responsibility to make sure your "shit" is together. I think a lot of guys would read this and think "listen to this guy, he's living the dream!" I'm sure you are living "the dream" cause you guys have a great relationship, but you have to act responsibly and be conscious of the fact that you are leading and must think of the well being of others, i.e., Julia, your kids etc....

    Furthermore, like you said, when you make a mistake, a good leader admits he was wrong and does what he can to fix it. I couldn't have agreed more!

    ~PB

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  10. Hi pb thanks so much for your comment it means a lot to both of us :-)

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  11. We've discussed me being spanked for awhile as I think it would benefit our marriage. After doing much Internet reading, things are finally happening. But now I'm nervous. Tonight I got grounded. Privileges taken away and told I will be getting spanked sometime this weekend. Any advice for my first discipline spanking?

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    1. Well I certainly hope it happens soon so you don't have to wait all weekend, then my second thought is I hope it actually happened. That is what DH would do, he would lack consistency, I would lose faith in him wanting this...
      But, if this is what you have chosen to want, then take the discipline and I then avoid doing that again...

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  12. And indeed it did happen and I'm writing with a very sore bottom. Unfortunately for me, my disrespectful mouth got me in trouble during the spanking. So, I'm getting a spanking again this morning before he leaves for work and have a full day of chores ahead of me after. If the house doesn't pass inspection when he gets home, I don't even want to know what my bottom will feel like!

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    1. Well this is what we wanted, right? I know it was for me! But DH and I have different rules, everybody should have the rules that work for them. DH might tell me if the house was really bad to get it clean, but I try to never let it get there, which always makes him smile, when I am just one step ahead of him....:)

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  13. You covered the bases real well in this piece. Thank you. I think a lot of marriages would benefit from the husband taking charge and spanking the wife.

    Why should a husband spank his wife? I'd say it reinforces and builds the headship and submission in the marriage, which are invaluable. It also helps keep the peace and harmony in the home. For many couples, it brings them closer together.

    I have seen the benefits of spanking my wife, and would recommend it for other husbands.

    Thanks again.

    Tim

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  14. Personally, in my opinion, I agree with what is being said but I also believe that it is very one sided. The submissive is not necessarily the wife, nor should it be. I agree that a DD relationship can be very beneficial for those in it, yet the role of submissive should not automatically fall to the wife. It should fall to whoever wants it, regardless of gender.

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I love reading comments, and would love to hear from you!