Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Changing the rules?

As we have become more comfortable with ttwd, our rules have also become more established for both of us.
Generally, I have no problem whatsoever to follow all our rules, simply because we came up with them together, or  it was just something that had always been done that way anyway, we just made a rule of it. And if I don't follow the rule, I get a spanking. Which doesn't happen often. Not the spanking, but the spanking for a broken rule part.
Yesterday I broke one rule, not on purpose, it just happened. I got a warning, and I think he is planning on 'reminding' me tonight why that rule is important and all that. And trust me, I already know why that rule is important. A safety rule if you will. I already feel  bad for having (unwillingly) broken that rule. But I am going to submit. That is what we decided on for our relationship.

But what if one of the partners in a ttwd relationship wants to change a rule, or even drop it?

We haven't done that yet. New territory. How will I bring it up?

Furthermore, I should think about why I want to change that rule, and how I will approach my DH about this change. I need to do research I guess.
But while I have been thinking about how to approach him, I have been smirking to myself. I mean come on, a year ago, I would have done anything for DH to be more consistent and punish (spank) me for rule breaking.
I guess that thought makes me feel a little guilty. But then I think of the fact that I am just a person after all. Every person changes. Constantly.
So I think I am going to approach DH about a change in a rule. Well after I hit publish, I will definitely have to....


Any experience with this?

10 comments:

  1. I think you both have come into your own and this is the way it is for you now. Doesn't mean it won't change again.

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  2. Approaching that subject can be a bit tough. Picking the right time is important and having the right attitude is essential. In our dynamic a rule has no possibility of getting changed if one gets defensive if she starts to feel a no coming on. If you can respectfully explain why you would like the rule changed without any expectation of getting it changed your chances are much better.

    Good luck, hope the discussion goes well and brings you closer even if you don't get your way.

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    1. DB, you were absolutely right. This is exactly what I thought I should do, and I did. Thank you.

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  3. Hi Julia,

    I think ttwd is a constantly evolving thing. Our circumstances change over time as do we and we find rules that were necessary at one time are no longer so necessary. Rules have changed for us over time. Some have been modified and some have been dropped.

    Agree with DB. Picking the right time is important. I would try telling him you want to discuss your rules then respectfully explain your feelings about the rule. At this point I'm not sure I would outright ask him to drop it but see if he comes to that conclusion. If he doesn't, then ask or respectfully tell him you are not sure it is needed anymore and why.

    Good luck, I hope the discussion goes well.

    Hugs,
    Roz

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    1. Roz,
      I agree with all of this, lol. And DB was right. And it is the way I see our situation and how I would our relationship to be.

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  4. If you keep a journal, that could be your way to tell DH without actually "telling". It may not work for all things, but for some, it just might. Good Luck, hon. X

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    1. I always think of my blog as my journal, my place to think. So In a way, that is what I do with DH. I write here because he can understand me better through my writing.

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  5. I've tried...so far it hasn't worked. He has dropped some that he doesn't feel are necessary anymore but when I bring one up, it is like he guesses that it is even more important. I've decided that it's just better to wait till he drops a rule. :)

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    1. Ahh, sorry to hear that for you Susie. This rule was just no longer necessary. He never talked about it even though it was there. It just never came up I guess!

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