Monday, June 24, 2013

Outdoor Sex

Well I feel like I have to explain myself a little better on the outdoor sex thing.

So I am going to go way back:

The first morning after I arrived at DH's house as the au-pair to take care of his two children, we sat down in the kitchen and went over general rules. Among them, No running around naked in the house. I was not too surprised when DH brought this up because I had just attended a three-day seminar on American Culture and some first aid courses, and during the American Culture talks, we learned that Americans are fairly prude. You can't run around naked, no taking off your top at the beach, and no peeing outside even if you are about to explode. So when He said no naked in the house, I wasn't too surprised, but the fact that he brought it up serves as my purpose here: DH is very American, and kind of a prude! (I love you my love).
The first week I was with him I was up late going through the house when He came upstairs and saw me in a long T-Shirt and panties.
He didn't say anything, but I am sure I can convince him to leave a comment when he has time to tell you what he thought.....

I have had sex outside before with a boyfriend and I loved the outdoor feel to it. It was warm, the grass was super high and nobody could see us. We were very close to a stream and a model airplane field, both serving as an excellent background noise.
We got lost out there, and I would love to have this kind of memory with DH. But to be honest, it just doesn't seem even possible: Children and urban areas with people everywhere. I love where we live, it is so green, but what I don't like is that every time we think we found a place where we won't run into another human soul, TaDa! There they are. So I can't even imagine where a good place would be. Except for our backyard when the kids are in bed and stepson at work. But as you can tell, that will take planning. 

Rednakedy, I took this one just for you!

Saturday night, DH and I planned to take our mattress and sleep outside, but when we started working on that, we were almost eaten alive by mosquitoes. Seriously. 
So, I am thinking, outdoor sex needs to kind of happen spontaneously, at least for me, to have appeal. I am pretty sure I have given DH a bj outside before, but to me that doesn't really count. We have also had sex in our tent before, of course, but that isn't really outside either.
When I think of sex outside, I think of the sun warming my skin in places it hardly ever sees, I think of getting lost in the moment, and I think of not having to worry about other people. Maybe that makes me prude, and obviously neither DH or I have an exhibitionist streak, but like Minelle wrote in the comment on this post, no isolated places, kids around on vacation, but would love to try it in a pool, the woods, or in a field of tall grass!

Friday, June 21, 2013

Picture Friday - Outdoor Sex Edition

As I was sitting here, thinking about what to write, I went over my last few posts again, especially this one. I loved having somebody else do my Friday Picture post because Riley chose such different pics than I would. I especially liked the 5th one - the one of the woman outside. It reminded me of something DH and I set for ourselves this year.

We have never had sex, in any way, outside! A shame right? So we set ourselves a little challenge for this summer, and I figured I would put it down in writing. I also found this article in the Women's Health magazine "5 Tips for Hot Outdoor Sex".

1. The backyard.
    Definitely doable!

2. On the Beach.
    I think we could manage this this year. Maybe. But it is fun to imagine! 

3. In the Water.
    That. Would. Be. My. Favorite. Ever. Seriously. 

4. In a small Boat.
   Well that honestly doesn't sound as appealing, on the other hand though, you can get away on the  water, hide in a little corner...okay, I can see it now.

5. In the Woods.
   I am not so sure about this one. Mosquitoes. Spiders. Creepy Crawly Things. 

Bonus Picture because she just looks so blissful. I know that exact feeling and love the gif aspect of this....(let it load it if is not moving...)

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Anxiety and TTWD

Thanks for your encouraging comments guys! As we had all suspected, it is just part of this thing we do, and I was tired of being neglected and reached out through this rather drastic measure, my blog, to reach my husband, to let him know what I needed. Apparently my words hadn't been enough, but the written down words were. 

I am happy to report, he got the message. And so did I. Next time I feel that way, I will take Ponyboy's advice and take matters into my own hands. 

Yesterday, stepson started a new job and was gone until about 11 pm. I was happily awaiting DH to come home when I received a text from that ex-friend of mine. She still has some very treasured stuffed animals and was holding them ransom, trying to lure me to her house. DH had forbidden me to respond to her. Sounds a bit severe I think, but appropriate to me because this situation has totally overwhelmed me.
I lost it. My heart started beating fast, trying to jump out of my body, I kept checking the front of the house, thinking she is just going to show up here. My anxiety levels were steadily rising, overwhelming me, leaving me unable to form complete thoughts. (This was all at the dinner table).
"Stop looking out the window. She is not going to just show up here, and even if she does, you don't have to worry about her, I will deal with it."
He had caught me looking out the window one too many times.
After dinner he sent me to take a shower, after which I crawled into bed. (Now thinking about this, it doesn't even make sense anymore, but that is what happened).
I listened to DH take care of our children, talk to people on the phone, but I wasn't really listening, I was just listening to the sound of his voice, not the words. Just hearing his voice was calming my beating heart, making me able to keep taking a breath at a time.

The children finally asleep, he came to me,  pried the blanket slowly off me to peak in on me, thinking I was asleep. "I am just hiding...."
He took me over his lap, discovering the white panties I had put on earlier just for him, and stroked me for a while. We talked. He wanted to connect through the spanking, but before he could even start, my flood gates opened and I cried. 
I feel embarrassed to think about not being able to handle the ending of a friendship, but I just can't. She has said so many very hurtful things, and is now pretending to be the hurt party. 
DH rubbed my back, held me. When my breathing calmed down again, he leaned over awkwardly, and looked right at me. It was such a personal moment. He was right there. He looked right into me. Saw everything. 

He never actually spanked me, but held me. Sometimes it is just the position and intend, not even the actual act that does it. I feel so loved by him, it is very humbling.

Friday, June 14, 2013

Time, Timing, and TTWD

As you may have noticed, I haven't been around much. Life has been busy, but I also have been staying away on purpose, because every time I thought about posting, I didn't know what to post about. DH has given me some spankings lately that I could have blogged about, but I just didn't feel like it.
I have been in a not-so-spanky-mood lately, and was hesitant to write about it here, although, this is my personal thinking spot, so I get to write whatever I want, even if that means DH will read this. I guess that is the downside of sharing my blog with him, I don't get to muse around anymore, and everything I write gets commented on by him.
DH's new job has been going amazingly well, he already found a friend, and has been hanging out with him more than with me. I am trying to deal with that. I am okay with that, even if it is new territory that my husband hangs with a friend, well not new, but rediscovered territory for sure.

The visit with my mom was short, but very nice. And I was so glad to have her here while my 'friend' exploded on me about little nothings. Having her here made me feel like I wasn't going crazy, and that I wasn't unreasonable.

DH's confidence has been good. Of course! He helped me handle that person, calmed me down, and then forbade me to contact her again. Which of course I didn't want to even do until she started bombing my cell phone with text messages. Long story short, I did react, I couldn't not to, and I got in trouble with DH. I got a spanking for it (the not listening to him part, and it was well-deserved).
From some perspectives ttwd has been good. I feel like I have been submissive to my husband, taking care of him, house and everything we decided on. I continue to go running, and school is chugging along.
But  over the last  two (?) months (wow, just writing that, it seems like a long time) we haven't really connected in the bedroom. Don't get me wrong, I love sex, having it, giving it, but I don't like feeling pressured during it, because that will lead me to get out of the mood fast.
Over the last two months, DH was fired from his job, had a lovely vacation at home while looking for work, found work, and has been working for more than three weeks now.
I am trying to think of this from outside my perspective, see if I missed anything, but I can't. I am too in it to see it.
For example last night. The day before we had talked about what is going wrong with us. I had explained to him that I don't like having sex when I feel pressured, and lately every time we have sex, I feel pressured for time. Like he wants to do what we are doing, but then he is really looking forward to the next thing. Over the last few weeks, we have done some spankings, fun, maintenance, reconnect, but the sex after was never what it used to be. No exploding, no hours of tumbling in the sheets. I get that a new job is tiring, and I understand that his time just before falling asleep watching Conan is precious to him, but I am right there too!

Last night, the step son had left the house on foot without saying where he went after a fight with his dad. DH was of course distracted, but proceeded with the plan. The plan being something along the lines of spanking and sex. Usually that sounds good to me. But I don't feel like getting spanked at the moment. I have been getting spanked plenty, I want to be fucked. I want to be taken. I want to be wanted, without thinking. Just being together, enjoying.
So last night, he asked me over his knees.

"Do I really have to? I mean I have been getting plenty of spankings even though I have done everything right. I do everything and I don't complain. All I really want is to be fucked." You know that really horny feeling, where you just want sex? Yeah I have been feeling like that for weeks now.
He could see my point, and asked me to get in my presentation position (on all fours, but butt up high so he can see). And then he went straight for the goodies. Maybe I am the only one, but I don't like that. I need some fondling, kissing, heck, he could even talk to me. Instead, I felt like work that he tried to get over with as fast as he could. I tried to let that go, and enjoy the moment, but then he must have thought, well if the finger makes her ticklish I wonder what my tongue will feel like. (More ticklish, plus upset that he couldn't tell I wasn't enjoying it).
I like when he talks during sex. I never talk unless he does. I guess I feel like he gives me cues, but when he is silent, so am I.
It was not fun and not enjoyable. He rolled away, and stopped touching me all together, then got up, leaving me. Then he came to bed to watch his beloved TV. Lovely.
So this is where we are. Nothing to exciting or envy-evoking...

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Somebody needs a Spanking!

Kind of a rambler, you have been warned.....

Thank you everybody for my lovely birthday wishes! I had a great birthday, and the spanking was fun too! Its kind of nice to fun about a spanking....
Life has been good here. My mom is visiting, and we have the perfect weather! We have been enjoying our time together, learning more about each other. This is something I have learned from blogland - Moms are not around forever, so I am trying to connect with her more now.

But I have also noticed that when one is happy, there are ugly people around who do not like it, and try to manipulate situations. A friend of mine blew up today, kind of out of nowhere, at me, and I am to the point where I don't even want to be friends with her anymore. Now, she is accusing me of not even trying to save this friendship, but to me, this friendship is no friendship because I would never treat a friend like she has me.
This realization has led me to other conclusions about life. What will happen will happen. Its so true. I am trying to let this go, but its hard. Having my mom here though through this is amazing. I never used to talk to her about my feelings, but have started to open up more. So in a way, this situation is letting me grow in other directions. Sorry for this rambler of a post, but I wanted to let my friends here know that I haven't forgotten you, I miss you, and I know I will be back, just not right away.

On a funny note, DH send me an email from work, telling me that if this friend was his wife, she would have been over his lap right away, getting the spanking of her life, which made me laugh out loud, leading my mother to ask why I am laughing. So I told her. And guess what?! She nodded her head and agreed with us 100%!!!!