Friday, June 14, 2013

Time, Timing, and TTWD

As you may have noticed, I haven't been around much. Life has been busy, but I also have been staying away on purpose, because every time I thought about posting, I didn't know what to post about. DH has given me some spankings lately that I could have blogged about, but I just didn't feel like it.
I have been in a not-so-spanky-mood lately, and was hesitant to write about it here, although, this is my personal thinking spot, so I get to write whatever I want, even if that means DH will read this. I guess that is the downside of sharing my blog with him, I don't get to muse around anymore, and everything I write gets commented on by him.
DH's new job has been going amazingly well, he already found a friend, and has been hanging out with him more than with me. I am trying to deal with that. I am okay with that, even if it is new territory that my husband hangs with a friend, well not new, but rediscovered territory for sure.

The visit with my mom was short, but very nice. And I was so glad to have her here while my 'friend' exploded on me about little nothings. Having her here made me feel like I wasn't going crazy, and that I wasn't unreasonable.

DH's confidence has been good. Of course! He helped me handle that person, calmed me down, and then forbade me to contact her again. Which of course I didn't want to even do until she started bombing my cell phone with text messages. Long story short, I did react, I couldn't not to, and I got in trouble with DH. I got a spanking for it (the not listening to him part, and it was well-deserved).
From some perspectives ttwd has been good. I feel like I have been submissive to my husband, taking care of him, house and everything we decided on. I continue to go running, and school is chugging along.
But  over the last  two (?) months (wow, just writing that, it seems like a long time) we haven't really connected in the bedroom. Don't get me wrong, I love sex, having it, giving it, but I don't like feeling pressured during it, because that will lead me to get out of the mood fast.
Over the last two months, DH was fired from his job, had a lovely vacation at home while looking for work, found work, and has been working for more than three weeks now.
I am trying to think of this from outside my perspective, see if I missed anything, but I can't. I am too in it to see it.
For example last night. The day before we had talked about what is going wrong with us. I had explained to him that I don't like having sex when I feel pressured, and lately every time we have sex, I feel pressured for time. Like he wants to do what we are doing, but then he is really looking forward to the next thing. Over the last few weeks, we have done some spankings, fun, maintenance, reconnect, but the sex after was never what it used to be. No exploding, no hours of tumbling in the sheets. I get that a new job is tiring, and I understand that his time just before falling asleep watching Conan is precious to him, but I am right there too!

Last night, the step son had left the house on foot without saying where he went after a fight with his dad. DH was of course distracted, but proceeded with the plan. The plan being something along the lines of spanking and sex. Usually that sounds good to me. But I don't feel like getting spanked at the moment. I have been getting spanked plenty, I want to be fucked. I want to be taken. I want to be wanted, without thinking. Just being together, enjoying.
So last night, he asked me over his knees.

"Do I really have to? I mean I have been getting plenty of spankings even though I have done everything right. I do everything and I don't complain. All I really want is to be fucked." You know that really horny feeling, where you just want sex? Yeah I have been feeling like that for weeks now.
He could see my point, and asked me to get in my presentation position (on all fours, but butt up high so he can see). And then he went straight for the goodies. Maybe I am the only one, but I don't like that. I need some fondling, kissing, heck, he could even talk to me. Instead, I felt like work that he tried to get over with as fast as he could. I tried to let that go, and enjoy the moment, but then he must have thought, well if the finger makes her ticklish I wonder what my tongue will feel like. (More ticklish, plus upset that he couldn't tell I wasn't enjoying it).
I like when he talks during sex. I never talk unless he does. I guess I feel like he gives me cues, but when he is silent, so am I.
It was not fun and not enjoyable. He rolled away, and stopped touching me all together, then got up, leaving me. Then he came to bed to watch his beloved TV. Lovely.
So this is where we are. Nothing to exciting or envy-evoking...

30 comments:

  1. I can totally see both sides to this. For years I felt broken inside because I didn't want sex. It became a chore. Something I had to do to satisfy Clyde.
    Now the tables have turned. My sex drive picked up and I can't seem to get enough.

    You are definitely the only one. Women like to be turned on before sex. It seems Clyde forgot how to seduce me because I was always a sure thing.

    Sometimes I have to tell him exactly what I want when I want it. Communication is key. If he's not doing it right for you, be specific and tell him how you want it. Worked for me.

    Good luck!

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    1. Yes, I think I have become a sure thing too! lol

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  2. Beautifully written, so revealing and touching. I loved reading this piece

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  3. I remember feeling like that And more then once. It seems to go in cycles. We can be spot on for months and months and then hit a dry spell with little or no passion. I'm sure once he gets more adjusted to his new job and schedule things will change.
    Kim

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    1. Yes, I know the cycles, been through it a few times now, but honestly, its been a while. But you are probably right, once the new job and schedule adjust it will become easier again. Now to hang tight...

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  4. I think Kim's got it right. Lives go in cycles, and sometimes your cycles don't match up. We certainly have discovered that here just in the last year. I think that it's great that you wrote it down for him to see. Maybe it will spark a conversation. Regardless, keep your spirits up! You guys will get there again :)

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    1. Rosie, I wasn't sure if I wanted to write it down. Last time I did, I felt like I put him on the spot, and sometimes I just want to write without having to watch what I say just because I know he will read it.

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  5. Ugh, yeah that's no good. Where are the snuggles? The laughing and talking and whispering stupid jokes?

    I can't have silent sex. It's really just no good for me at ALL.

    Feel for you.

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    1. Yes, silent sex is just awful. I could just read a book and do that myself. :D
      Thanks Conina.

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  6. Aw Julia. :( Kim and Rosie said it well when they talked about the cycles. I think life goes through so many ups and downs, and then when you throw DD/TTWD into the mix, it's just another thing to go through the crazy roller coaster cycles.

    You guys will get to that point again, maybe writing this post and knowing he'll read it, will even help that. :)

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    1. Thanks Kenzie, hopefully you are right and having written it down will help!

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  7. Okay, gonna sound like a mother hen now, but going there anyway. Had a checkup lately? You would be SHOCKED at what a simple vitamin D deficiency can do, including really messing up your sex drive and giving you that dull doldrums kind of feeling. It's a deficiency that is surprisingly common with American diets and once it's corrected----well, let's just say that hubby practically had to plead a headache to slow me down....

    I'm talking about a deficiency that was so bad that the "cure" is such a high dose of D that it had to be by prescription, not something you can just do from the regular vitamin aisle. And I had NO idea I had it until blood tests were taken.

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    1. Well I like having a mother hen in my life, lol. But I just had blood tests, and so did DH. His was super low too, but mine was all good. And I drink enough water. The sex drive is there, I just don't like being hurried, or feeling like I am work in the bedroom.
      How long did you have to take the pills to be balanced again?

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    2. Started noticing a difference in about a week if I remember correctly.

      Glad you've both been checked. I was very surprised mine was so low.

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  8. It's a cycle. The peaks are great, the valley's suck and sometimes the time in between seems to go on forever. Just hang in there, there have been quite a few changes in our life lately and that takes it's toll even when we are not aware.

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    1. I know its a cycle, lol. Still when in it, gosh, I can't see the light that I know is there...

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  9. I'm so sorry, Julia. This is hard. I agree with what everyone else said. It's a cycle that will eventually get back to good. It's just tough roughing it. Also communication is probably important here. But I don't know that I would have done anything different. Huh, is it any wonder I have e issues I have? Communication can be a bugger!

    (((Hugs)))

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    1. It is hard, every single time it happens. And yes, communication can be pretty tiresome...:D

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  10. Ah Julia. I'm at where you're at. Kinda. I've noticed it's all cycles and I agree with what sunnygirl says. But I also wonder if our lifestyle gives us more pressure and expectation that the 'normal, vanilla' -ish lifestyle? I think it maybe does.

    Dee x

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    1. May it does Dee, I am not sure though. I know this had something to do with his new job, new friend, changes...
      But I hope you are in a better place by now, hope you had a great weekend Dee!

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  11. Awe, I'm sorry Julia,

    That is hard. I have to agree with the others that we go through cycles. I think maybe this is a case of first a bit of a come down from your vacation time and DH settling into the new job and routine.

    Hugs,
    Roz

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  12. i'm where you are. it's driving me nuts. i'm in a tiny house until our house can be built, children everywhere and i can't let go and just enjoy the moment. it's gotta stop. i hope we both get release... and get a roll in the hay soon, because we obviously need it! ugh!

    hugs,
    m.

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    1. Yeah, it does make one crazy, especially with little kids everywhere. No escape. I hope you got your roll in the hay! I sure did, lol!

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  13. Aw Julia I'd totally be struggling with that too. I wish I had advice but sometimes they just have to work it out. I always have a hard time when Cael is hooked on something but as others have said it cycles. I know, doesn't make it any easier. I hope it gets better soon though. *hugs*

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    1. Thanks Riley. It is kind of comforting to know that this still happens to everyone it seems.

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  14. Tough situation, the whole spanking lifestyle isn't something I know or will pretend to know, so I can't comment on that.

    What I think I can comment on is the pressure a man feels to "get things going" when he has a naturally submissive partner.

    I'm sure DH loves fucking you, (and this is the part that I know nothing about so maybe it won't work so you can dismiss it if that's the case), but maybe the pressure of having to press your right buttons and in the right order and lead things along every time can take a toll. So naturally it will cycle, depending on how he feels about it.

    Maybe, during the times it feels he's treating it like a work task you can be a little more assertive with your sexuality? Is that possible in this lifestyle? That is an honest question, I really don't know.

    So if you want more dirty talk, talk dirty. If you want him to do certain things, then tell him or grab his hand or whatever you need and put him there.

    In any case, I'm sure you will be back to getting fucked the way you like to be fucked in no time!

    ~PB

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    1. Ahhh Ponyboy! So glad to hear from you since you always have great insight into the male's mind, lol. Seriously.
      You are right, the pressure wouldn't feel great, and honestly I don't expect him to always push the right buttons, just sometimes I would like if he took the time to try out my buttons....
      But the situation has already gotten better, we talked, we fucked, and talked, and pushed each other's button.
      The talking, well, I really just don't talk that much, during sex or not, I am not the biggest talker (despite having a blog)
      But I do think the next time this seems to start I will try be more of the aggressor to get what I want. I would think being the dominant one can get tiring.
      How are you?

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  15. I wasn't able to comment before cause you weren't accepting anonymous comments.

    Sorry if I made you sound high maintenance in the sack, that wasn't what I meant, but glad to hear you guys talked and had a good fuck session.

    I guess if you aren't much of a talker, you will have to let him know with on verbal cues... ;)

    And thanks for asking, I'm doing great!

    ~PB

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    1. Glad to hear it!
      Yeah I noticed that and changed the setting again. Plus just changing that up keeps the spam at bay...
      No, I know I am not super high maintenance, well not more than other women at least.

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