Friday, August 30, 2013

Picture Friday!

I haven't had a Picture Friday in a while because I couldn't think of just one theme, or any theme really that held my interest for any amount of time.
This week, however, I am thinking I will describe our modified bootcamp in a few pictures.....
Fighting sucks. 


 
I love this.  A friend send me this after my frustration post, trying to cheer me up, but while I was reading this, I realized that we were not in the right spot because of exactly  this. I felt like DH wasn't interested in seeing me 'naked' anymore. Or too busy. 




http://shamelesslyguiltless.wordpress.com/
On Saturday, around noon, DH send me to our closet. Why you ask? To assume position, present that is. Our bootcamp started.
That night, he tied me up for the first time....(which I really liked. I keep thinking about it)


Satuday, I received a hand spanking in the closet around noon. Another one in the afternoon. I always thought bootcamp is more for the woman, but I really don't think so anymore. It is the mindset. It helped DH stay in the mindset, learn more about me, and take charge.
In the evening, no kids in the house, I was to receive three spankings. In between he would leave me in my position.
First one was with his hand again.
The second with this paddle.
The third one with this doing this:




So this is where we are at I guess. We had a good weekend last week. Today is Friday, I love Fridays although I am not sure if there will be a repeat of any of it.

Happy Friday!!!

Plus, I would like to ask my readers for suggestions for a Friday Picture theme. Ideas?

Monday, August 26, 2013

What a weekend

Alright, I think I am ready for writing this post. I have my coffee right next to me, still steaming hot, and the kids are busy and should leave me to ponder for at least a bit.

What happened?
More exactly, what happened over the last month or two?
Well, as it turns out, losing your job within three months of starting it, makes a man really focus on work: finding work, having work, and doing a fairly good job to avoid being canned again. Which means DH was very focused on the end result, meaning work. Again, I understand that. But when DH gets really focused on something (that isn't me) he tends to not see the stuff on the side. Some of these things are easy to put aside for a bit, others (like me) don't do so well being put on the shelf.
So over the last few weeks, I have been hinting about this. I have mentioned how I would like a spanking, we have communicated about it. Every once in a while he would get kind of into it, but then lost his track of thought again, and I was on the side again.
At that point, I would back off again, clearly he wasn't ready, but I kept trying, but I also tried to just remind him I am still here, without pressuring him. After all, I want to let him lead me, and can't do that, if I am the one pulling the strings. So, I figured, he knows what he is doing, and I will trust him.

But he wasn't coming back to me. Does anyone else know this? He was here, but not present. He would go into his office for hours, making me go to bed by myself. Once again. He was shutting me out.

And the thing is, I am very empathetic. I can understand him and give him that, but seriously only for so long. There has to be something in between to keep me going.

And through all this, I am pretty sure DH knew all this to a degree, which made him feel even guiltier, pulling away more. AHhh, how lovely. He was pulling away more. 

So things blew up on Friday night. Seriously. It was ugly. My marriage article thing? Yeah non of that. I was so hurt, crying, and he seemed to take it like I was playing out this drama on purpose.
In the middle of it (which in the moment felt like it might be our last alone moment ever), he asked what now? No more ttwd?
"Maybe we should take a break, mend ourselves. Find ourselves without adding the pressure onto your plate." And I meant every word. I could do without. Cause I have been living without it for a while now. And he didn't seem to see it that way.
When we first started dating, we talked about "old" people and I asked him whether he thought they still have sex. And he said that he hopes so because to him a marriage without sex is over.
"If we stop doing ttwd, I won't have sex with you anymore, and then we might as well divorce."  Wow. What? What the fuck just happened? I thought we were fighting, but this was just bad.

I started crying again. I don't even know if he understood me. Oh, how pretty, a crying woman. And I told him that is exactly how we have been over the last while and he seemed to be fine with it. So, I wasn't sure why he was throwing such a fit now...

Now, I know my words (that he did understand) hurt him. It could have had something to do with me accusing him of having some man issues, and that I would be fine to put the pants back on to lead this family if he wasn't willing to. I am and was sorry to have said it, but you know what? At some point you have to be less polite to get a point across, in my opinion. It was ugly but (sorry DH) effective. ( I hate admitting that)

That night, we didn't really resolve anything, but we  both came to the conclusion that we were too tired and emotional. We both said where we thought we were to assure the other person, and I slept. The next morning, I woke early and got up, and just stared, thinking, waiting for him to wake up. When he did, we sat down, in the day light, looked each other in the eyes, and talked.

So, we started with the crappiest Friday in recent history, to having a modified DD bootcamp Sat and Sunday. DH wants to write about this....

And I got laid.


                                                                                                                                             

Friday, August 23, 2013

Frustrations.

When I fell in love with DH almost eleven years ago, I was 18 years old. He was 37. The age difference has never really bothered me, in fact, I have always liked the idea of being with a man, thinking they will know better than some young man.
Well as I said, that was eleven years ago. I am approaching my 30s. That is a big deal, and I am slowly getting used to those numbers.
The age difference really has never bothered us. His parents were almost embarrassed when they heard we had gotten married, and the story of how we met was told in hush-hush voices for the first 8 years. I guess I finally don't make them uncomfortable anymore.
Over the last year, I have noticed my libido picking up though. I mean, woman end of twenty's, right? I want sex. I think about sex a lot. All day long. Not   leaving the house for work probably has influence on that too, but I think of sex a lot. I wish I had sex a lot. I don't understand why I haven't been getting sex a lot.
That last sentence sounds horrible, but I didn't delete it.
I know DH started a new job, finally has a friend he actually cares enough to go see all by himself, and that is all awesome, but why is the heart of our relationship on hold? Are we waiting for something? Well I seem to be.

Yesterday, for the first time in a while, he told me something he wanted the entire house clean. And I spend all day cleaning. While cleaning, I found my diary from age 14 to meeting him. I read over the heartbreak with my ex-boyfriend. The emotions of a teenager really are very dramatic. Before I left for America, he seduced me once again, and I was all for it, until we got to the actual sex. During our relationship ( I was too young), we had sex, but it was just never good. And after all these years, I finally know why. I am a submissive. He didn't know what to do for me, and during that last time, we stopped in the middle of it because it was just not good.

Fast forward to last night. DH and I have sex regularly, but lately its been pretty one-sided. And honestly, this might not make me the best submissive but whatever, I get tired of giving out and not getting anything in return. Having to grab my book one more time after he hops in the shower after is not something I have been looking forward to.
Last night, I was already asleep. DH likes to stay up longer than me, and often times there is no way I can stay up that long, and I go to bed. Last night, however, I was awoken by lovely petting. I was sure I was dreaming for a long time. He pinched my nipples, ran his hands all over my body. Slowly spread my legs and went down on me. It was lovely.

Just too short.

Cause then I was lifted, a pillow deposited under my buttocks, and entered. I was ready too, as was he. So he started fucking me, trying to make me cum. Trying harder to make me cum. We switched positions. Hard pounding. Which I love in the right moment. Thumb trying to enter my butt. Which I love too. But it seemed like he was just going through all the things he knows will make me cum, and I couldn't.
Then the pounding got a little too hard, and we kind of missed and it hurt. Fuck. So DH rolled off, and was done. Again.

I was reading a book the other day about a submissive woman who is having sex with her boyfriend, and he just wasn't doing anything for her. And the sad part, I knew exactly how she felt. I can feel the beginning of something, but I also know I won't get there anyway. A non-dominant male having sex with a submissive woman just doesn't do it.

Update: DH and I talked this morning after I wrote this. He hasn't read this yet, which is good. I know he knows, and I think he is letting other things be more important, and I don't think our sex life is less important, if anything it is the center of everything.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

50 Shades of Grey casting almost complete?

I was just perusing the internet with nothing better to do than check how far along the casting for the 50 Shades of Grey movie is going, and I stumbled upon Cafe Mom's article.

So, its still not official, but these two actors appear to likely be it!

What do you guys think?

Dakota Johnson Charlie Hunnam



I have to admit, I like both choices. Which is weird.
But seriously, I think she is cute and just how I saw her, and he. Well. I have always had a thing for blond guys. With a beard. And long hair. So. Um. Yeah. I am happy with the choices so far! And the suit and tie...

How about you? Who did you see for Ana and Christian?

Monday, August 19, 2013

Marriage Secrets Article


Since DH was home a lot (well at least more than usual) I am really feeling this final sprint toward fall this year. My kids are gearing up to go back to school, and are generally just really excited for school to start again.
DH started his second week on the job this week, and I can feel myself relaxing a bit, it feels more right (grammar, I know). The job before seemed to good to be true, and it soon turned out why. With this one, the conditions seem better. 
This last weekend, I went with a friend and our kids to her regular campsite to check out their trailer. I don't like going away when DH is here at home. It never feels right, which is why I don't do it a lot. I do it when I leave for Germany without him, but otherwise we don't like being apart. 
Summer has also meant once again that our house was and still is, a revolving door of people coming and  going until they are back to college, school, home. DH and I enjoy this, opening up our home, but I know I am really looking forward to having some type of real routine again. Bedtime for example. Bedtime has really cut into our alone time this summer, which probably just means our kids are getting older. But having no privacy makes it hard to play around outside of the bed.
This past weekend though, I could start to remember what DH is like on a weekend at home, with not a care in the world about his job. When he knows he is fine, and absolutely nothing is going wrong there. Just lovely. Just this knowledge is making me excited for school to start again, because I am thinking that DH will find his playful streak again soon if everything continues to just go. You will be the first to know, lol.

I also found this great article about secrets of a happy marriage. And I really just agree with all of it. 
1. Successful couples enjoy each other.  yes!!!! Always.
2. Successful couples fight skillfully. This is so true. I always try to tell people how important it is to fight right. Be fair. Don't let emotions rule. Makes sense. Stay honest to yourself and your commitment.
3. Successful couples seek and offer forgiveness. Yes. This is harder, but in the end it comes down to: did he do it on purpose? Would he ever do it again knowing now how hurtful it really was? And the other way around too. 
4. Successful couples are in it for the long haul. Yes, exactly. I mean there is no winner, we both either win or we don't, but we are both in it because we want to, therefore it is important to commit. Fully. Give it everything. 
5. Successful couples are positive about each other. Of course. I can't even imagine being with somebody who didn't like something about me and had to settle. 
6. Successful couples learn and grow together. That is ttwd, isn't it? Doing this journey together, learning, growing together as a couple, but also individually.
7. Successful couples never stop dating. Never. And plus, we never actually dated before we got married, we just got married and started dating after. Seriously. Not kidding. 
8. Successful couples bring each other joy. Every single day I try to. Even if it just means I get up way early to make his coffee for him to take to work.
9. Successful couples adhere to the 60/40 rule. Marriage is not a 50/50 thing, its more like you give 60 and take 40. I loved this.
10. Successful couples have shared values. Sometimes this baffles me. I mean, who did I get so lucky to meet a guy who just shares all my values, my believes, thinks the same way I do? I can't imagine being with somebody who thought differently about politics than I do for example. Unimaginable.

What do you guys think?

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Breasts - Life Source to erotic Stimulation?

So as you could tell from DH's last post, I have been wanting to try out a little more. Sexually. I feel like DH and I have explored little lately.
It seems that every since we started this journey of ttwd (which turned into a self-discovery journey for both of us as individuals but also as a couple) we have had mind blowing sex. Well, not always, of course. But more times than not, it is hot! But lately I feel like exploring again, and one of those would be a blindfold. I like the idea of just not seeing anything, listening to my body and my other senses. And if I am tied up, well that would be kind of something I want to try too. I might not like it, DH might not like it, but I want to try!

In DH's post, he asked for some ideas, and he got them. Thanks guys! But one thing I am not quite sure about, and never have been, are nipple clamps. It might have something to do with the fact that when I had my first child, I breastfed her for TEN whole days, through agonizing screaming (on her part) and so much frustration and pain on my part. 
DH saw my boobs as property of the children, and didn't touch them during those first few years. Now that they are getting a little older, my breast have finally returned to normal sensitivity, but I still get the feeling sometimes when he touches me, and it makes me immediately think of my children.
Over the last year, DH has slowly come closer to my boobs again, grabbing them during sex, and lately even squeezing the nipples, even slapping them a little, usually when my mouth is full of his cock.
Found at
So, yesterday, when he read the comments, fiona suggested nipple clamps, and he liked the idea!
I am kind of excited to try something new, but at the same time, all the above mentioned stuff is going through my mind. I wonder if just the thoughts I have on nipple clamps will keep me from enjoying their potential? What do you guys think? And anyway, are they different sizes? How does that work?

Sunday, August 11, 2013

Back to Work

Hi, DH here.  I've got a job!  I start work tomorrow at a really exciting company, and it seems like a good role.  But most importantly, they are friendly, positive people, who actually seem to want me to work there!
 Julia is excited to get me out of the house, but I should also have some flexibility to work from home once in a while too.  It's a little scary that we've gotten so good at my employment lapses, but I think the truth is that I know I'm a valuable worker, and ttwd has made me a stronger and more dominant man (in and out of the bedroom). and this just makes it easier for me to get fired for political reasons.

I interviewed at a company last week for what looked like a good role, and the second guy to interview me was immediately condescending.  I didn't get it, at all.  Why was someone who worked at a company that is looking to hire a new employee rude to me?  Did he dislike my physical attributes?  The spelling of my name, maybe?  After his hour-long assault, I politely terminated the interview loop and left.  I don't need that.  And I know that I would never want to work with that guy, and by extension, that company.

I thought that Julia would be shocked and angry at my behavior, but she was immediately supportive.  Her friends and family were also, her Mom saying "er ist ein riesiges Gestüt!" (Good for him, I think.)  And that's also the direct effect of my confidence and new strength.  Instead of crying for myself about how hard the world is, I went out and really looked for a good fit for me, professionally.  My friends and family see it too, and instantly side with us when we're under attack.  Just like friends and family should.  :)

Julia is once again leading us a new direction.  She has a sleep blindfold on her nightstand, and she's been dropping hints about being restrained.  Separately, I've been thinking about our roles as dom and sub, and I'd like to try a "submission challenge," where she and I play out our roles overtly in some way for a period of time. Doesn't even have to be a whole day.  What way, though?
Making her stand in the corner all day seems boring. Googling "ttwd submission challenge" made my browser yawn so hard it crashed.  I guess I have my next great idea for a blog title, heh.  I guess it is a challenge to find a way to put Julia in a state of submission for a day in the context of our busy lives, with our children (and the neighborhood's) underfoot, housework, our lives, family, my son here, etc.  Hand signals?  Horsehair shirt?  (Shudder!)  I'm really drawing a blank, although I realize that getting time alone is not on our near horizon it seems.

I'd love to hear your ideas!  I'm reading blogs right now for discipline that I can work into a "normal" life, and I'm excited to throw down a discipline challenge with Julia.  But in the meantime, it's back to work...

Saturday, August 3, 2013

Some Motivation Perhaps?

This morning was a slow one. Well at least for me. My wonderful husband got up way earlier than me and let me sleep. He took care of the whole house and I really just slept. I felt wonderful, a little lazy, but okay with it. When I woke up, I invited him in with me, teasing him, showing him one naked body part at a time.
After some sweet love making, I knew I had to get up and get dressed to go running. I have slacked a little this week, and am running out of days to accomplish my number of times for this week.

"Well, get up and get dressed my love, you need to go running this morning." DH said.
"I know." getting tired just thinking about getting up and going running. "But not yet."

He sat with me again, but I knew my time was running out.
"I have no motivation," I whined a little, but not really. I was just not ready yet.

"Okay, I can fix that!" And he left our room. As I am lying there, enjoying the laziness of our bed for another moment, I realize what he is doing. I hear him distract the children with something, sending them to the other side of the house. Oh Shit! I realized what he meant, leaped out of bed, got into my running clothes. I hear him set the timer for the children. I am putting on my shirt over my sports bra as he walks into our room. And I start grinning at him.

"I found my motivation, thanks Sweety!" I beam up at him.

And he can't help himself and starts smiling too.

"Nicely done my love. I was going to get the wooden paddle out and everything, just so I could motivate my naughty girl."

And I did go running, and It felt great. But it is amazing how long these feelings stick around from when I hated working out as a teenager. The feeling of dread for PE always comes back up, and as soon as I am in my running clothes I feel great. Silly me~!

Friday, August 2, 2013

Picture Friday - Vacation Pictures!


Hi guys! Even though I haven't blogged much lately, I have been thinking about you, and really wanted to share some pics with you. 
I always enjoy looking at pictures of where you guys all are and how it looks there, so I thought I can't be the only one. Here are some pics!
And make sure to click on each pic to see it in bigger if your connection or screen allows for it!












Happy Friday everyone!!!!!!