Friday, August 23, 2013

Frustrations.

When I fell in love with DH almost eleven years ago, I was 18 years old. He was 37. The age difference has never really bothered me, in fact, I have always liked the idea of being with a man, thinking they will know better than some young man.
Well as I said, that was eleven years ago. I am approaching my 30s. That is a big deal, and I am slowly getting used to those numbers.
The age difference really has never bothered us. His parents were almost embarrassed when they heard we had gotten married, and the story of how we met was told in hush-hush voices for the first 8 years. I guess I finally don't make them uncomfortable anymore.
Over the last year, I have noticed my libido picking up though. I mean, woman end of twenty's, right? I want sex. I think about sex a lot. All day long. Not   leaving the house for work probably has influence on that too, but I think of sex a lot. I wish I had sex a lot. I don't understand why I haven't been getting sex a lot.
That last sentence sounds horrible, but I didn't delete it.
I know DH started a new job, finally has a friend he actually cares enough to go see all by himself, and that is all awesome, but why is the heart of our relationship on hold? Are we waiting for something? Well I seem to be.

Yesterday, for the first time in a while, he told me something he wanted the entire house clean. And I spend all day cleaning. While cleaning, I found my diary from age 14 to meeting him. I read over the heartbreak with my ex-boyfriend. The emotions of a teenager really are very dramatic. Before I left for America, he seduced me once again, and I was all for it, until we got to the actual sex. During our relationship ( I was too young), we had sex, but it was just never good. And after all these years, I finally know why. I am a submissive. He didn't know what to do for me, and during that last time, we stopped in the middle of it because it was just not good.

Fast forward to last night. DH and I have sex regularly, but lately its been pretty one-sided. And honestly, this might not make me the best submissive but whatever, I get tired of giving out and not getting anything in return. Having to grab my book one more time after he hops in the shower after is not something I have been looking forward to.
Last night, I was already asleep. DH likes to stay up longer than me, and often times there is no way I can stay up that long, and I go to bed. Last night, however, I was awoken by lovely petting. I was sure I was dreaming for a long time. He pinched my nipples, ran his hands all over my body. Slowly spread my legs and went down on me. It was lovely.

Just too short.

Cause then I was lifted, a pillow deposited under my buttocks, and entered. I was ready too, as was he. So he started fucking me, trying to make me cum. Trying harder to make me cum. We switched positions. Hard pounding. Which I love in the right moment. Thumb trying to enter my butt. Which I love too. But it seemed like he was just going through all the things he knows will make me cum, and I couldn't.
Then the pounding got a little too hard, and we kind of missed and it hurt. Fuck. So DH rolled off, and was done. Again.

I was reading a book the other day about a submissive woman who is having sex with her boyfriend, and he just wasn't doing anything for her. And the sad part, I knew exactly how she felt. I can feel the beginning of something, but I also know I won't get there anyway. A non-dominant male having sex with a submissive woman just doesn't do it.

Update: DH and I talked this morning after I wrote this. He hasn't read this yet, which is good. I know he knows, and I think he is letting other things be more important, and I don't think our sex life is less important, if anything it is the center of everything.

10 comments:

  1. Sorry, don't know what to say except that you have to tell him how you fell. The two of you will figure it out - he just has to know how you feel.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have told him. I have told him light-heartedly, I have told him jokingly, I have hinted, but never making an issue, just trying to tell him how much I need this.

      Delete
  2. Hormonal cycles, emotion cycles, overwhelmed or tired from all that fills up our lives and time----so much of a woman's orgasm comes from the direction of mental more than physical. I think we've all been there at some point and sometimes it just plain takes more foreplay to get our heads where they need to be to achieve orgasm. And sometimes, well, we just plain AREN'T going to get there. No matter what. I think THAT'S what "penis envy" REALLY means. After all, really, how often are THEY not gonna get there----one way or another at least?

    I have never experienced an orgasm purely from "G-Spot" stimulation by itself. To be even more honest, I don't think either one of us REALLY understood where it is or what exactly to do to it until just the last couple of years (internet education is awesome, ya'll). And we're in our fifties. I CAN tell you that adding that to the mix has improved things for us in ways I didn't even realize needed improvement. Kind of a useful "fast-forward" button during foreplay. Not to mention pleasureable.

    Hopefully this is just a temporary adjustment to having so many changes in your lives happen all at once.

    I don't think being "submissive" means never being able to say "more, please" when you're in the midst of enjoying something and not ready to move on to something else yet.

    You two will get there again. I really believe that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It just seems that he has chosen to let it slide, and it makes me feel like he doesn't care enough. I am a bother.
      The elusive G-spot....Fun fun!

      Delete
  3. Helpful article on that subject...

    http://www.askmen.com/dating/vanessa_100/115b_love_secrets.html

    ReplyDelete
  4. I am absolutely no help when it comes to orgasms. Sorry. But hopefully when he reads this, he'll understand more and gigs will get better.
    I did like reading a little about you and DH, the beginning. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well it was more about everything else anyway. I guess I was too frustrated when I wrote this. We are working on things....:)

      Delete
  5. Y'know this is a very good post Julia. Very honest. And I can relate to all of it too.

    Dee x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am honestly so relieved that I am not the only one who knows feeling like this. :)

      Delete
  6. Did you know that you can create short links with AdFly and get cash from every visit to your short urls.

    ReplyDelete

I love reading comments, and would love to hear from you!