Monday, August 19, 2013

Marriage Secrets Article


Since DH was home a lot (well at least more than usual) I am really feeling this final sprint toward fall this year. My kids are gearing up to go back to school, and are generally just really excited for school to start again.
DH started his second week on the job this week, and I can feel myself relaxing a bit, it feels more right (grammar, I know). The job before seemed to good to be true, and it soon turned out why. With this one, the conditions seem better. 
This last weekend, I went with a friend and our kids to her regular campsite to check out their trailer. I don't like going away when DH is here at home. It never feels right, which is why I don't do it a lot. I do it when I leave for Germany without him, but otherwise we don't like being apart. 
Summer has also meant once again that our house was and still is, a revolving door of people coming and  going until they are back to college, school, home. DH and I enjoy this, opening up our home, but I know I am really looking forward to having some type of real routine again. Bedtime for example. Bedtime has really cut into our alone time this summer, which probably just means our kids are getting older. But having no privacy makes it hard to play around outside of the bed.
This past weekend though, I could start to remember what DH is like on a weekend at home, with not a care in the world about his job. When he knows he is fine, and absolutely nothing is going wrong there. Just lovely. Just this knowledge is making me excited for school to start again, because I am thinking that DH will find his playful streak again soon if everything continues to just go. You will be the first to know, lol.

I also found this great article about secrets of a happy marriage. And I really just agree with all of it. 
1. Successful couples enjoy each other.  yes!!!! Always.
2. Successful couples fight skillfully. This is so true. I always try to tell people how important it is to fight right. Be fair. Don't let emotions rule. Makes sense. Stay honest to yourself and your commitment.
3. Successful couples seek and offer forgiveness. Yes. This is harder, but in the end it comes down to: did he do it on purpose? Would he ever do it again knowing now how hurtful it really was? And the other way around too. 
4. Successful couples are in it for the long haul. Yes, exactly. I mean there is no winner, we both either win or we don't, but we are both in it because we want to, therefore it is important to commit. Fully. Give it everything. 
5. Successful couples are positive about each other. Of course. I can't even imagine being with somebody who didn't like something about me and had to settle. 
6. Successful couples learn and grow together. That is ttwd, isn't it? Doing this journey together, learning, growing together as a couple, but also individually.
7. Successful couples never stop dating. Never. And plus, we never actually dated before we got married, we just got married and started dating after. Seriously. Not kidding. 
8. Successful couples bring each other joy. Every single day I try to. Even if it just means I get up way early to make his coffee for him to take to work.
9. Successful couples adhere to the 60/40 rule. Marriage is not a 50/50 thing, its more like you give 60 and take 40. I loved this.
10. Successful couples have shared values. Sometimes this baffles me. I mean, who did I get so lucky to meet a guy who just shares all my values, my believes, thinks the same way I do? I can't imagine being with somebody who thought differently about politics than I do for example. Unimaginable.

What do you guys think?

28 comments:

  1. First!! Hah!

    I love you. We are still an effective team. ;-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lol. You are so funny. DH used to have his own blog and commenters there always played the game of who commented first...
      And Oblivion. Mhh, looking forward to a movie night my love.

      Delete
    2. I think it's so cute. this made me giggle!!

      Delete
  2. Hi Julia!
    Sounds like you guys are doing good. I hear you about the schedules and bedtimes....it can be frustrating when you get no privacy. That just means you need to think outside the box!!! Have fun and hope you enjoy movie night!

    Subrina <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah outside the box hasn't worked to well for us, it does in a pinch, but otherwise, just some alone time would be nice!

      :)

      Delete
  3. I can so relate to wanting things to return to normal after a long summer break. My kids go back next week and I'm looking forward to a normal schedule again!

    I love the 60/40 rule. Thanks for sharing!

    xo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It doesn't even seem like normal anymore. I got so used to summer time, I have a hard time imagining school again.

      Delete
  4. julia i agree with all of this, and personally, i think that if you are patient a lot of stuff can be overlooked that other couples get angry over. i have a friend who repeatedly says things like, "his ass is mine this weekend" referring to her husband who went to a basketball game rather than help do yard work. so when the next weekend comes and there's no home game, she will make the above comment. it drives me nuts. if my husband has the chance to see a game and get out of the house for a bit? i welcome it. we can do yard work anytime.

    anyway, i loved this post. :)
    hugs,
    m.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ugh, my sister is like that too. I have tried to show her without being a 'know-it-all', but she keeps doing stuff like that too.

      Delete
  5. I am anxious to get on a better schedule and routine.
    Love the article and your comments. I agree!! Thanks for sharing :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, me too. Somewhat, I am not looking forward to having to get up opposed to wanting to get up. And the early sunshine. I will miss that.

      Delete
  6. Glad things are working out so well. Life is lovely when everything is on track.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hi Julia,

    Happy to hear it sounds as though things are going well for you and that the new job is going well for DH. I love the secrets of a happy marriage and agree with all of them too.

    Hugs,
    Roz

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah its all going pretty well. And the weather is great too. That always seems to influence how things go.
      Thanks Roz.

      Delete
  8. Great article. I agree with all those points. Sometimes easier said than done but so true!

    ReplyDelete
  9. I loved the 10 pointers for a successful couple. I think it's amazing that for the most part BIKSS shares the same views as me. And on matters that we differ, we give each other a wide berth. I say what i feel and he tells me what he thinks and we just LEAVE IT THERE. no two people HAVE to think alike on ALL matters.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I wasn't saying that either fondles, but for DH and I, we really enjoy that about ourselves. His parents however, for example, he is a republican, and she is democrat. How does that work? lol

      Delete
  10. I would add to your 2(A) a 2(B):

    Always know exactly what you are fighting about. The worst one we ever had was a doozy where we were trying to make up for an earlier argument. He apologized and I asked if he had really meant what he'd said. He said yes. Only he thought I was asking if the words of his apology were sincere, when in reality I was asking if he had really meant all the terrible, awful, hurtful things he had said. So when he said yes, it reached the "so bad" point that I started mentally Speaking with a divorce attorney. Fortunately within a few hours it occurred to me to wonder which question he thought he was answering, and I clarified it.

    SO, ALWAYS find a way to be absolutely sure you understand what you are really arguing about. Mirror it. Rephrase it. THEN fight the good fight.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. OMG, big smile, but only because we have had similar things happen. Which, now looking back, is just so ridiculous to not even fight about the same thing. I always here some sad music in the background just thinking about it....:)

      Delete
  11. I always think it is about working things out, not a competition. The bedtime thing is hard but eventually the kids go out so much that if you can steal time that way it is fun.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly, wanting to work it out is so important and really just a mind set. How often have I witnessed people doing it the other way around though. Its kind of sad. No, it is sad.

      Delete
  12. Hi I like the 10 tips. I was unhappily married once. My ex and I didn't share any of those qualities. I guess that's why I'm divorced.... hugs :)

    ReplyDelete
  13. I'm excited for you both to be able to have that carefree weekend time to yourselves, I bet it will feel so great.

    I loved the article advice I think it's all SO true. I love the part about always dating, that's a goal of mine to always keep because it's what keeps the fun and spark alive. Thanks for sharing Julia :)

    ReplyDelete
  14. Searching for the Ultimate Dating Site? Join to find your perfect match.

    ReplyDelete

I love reading comments, and would love to hear from you!