Monday, January 13, 2014

Why She Wants a Spanking

Hi, DH here!  This post is intended for guys.  Especially any guy who has been approached by his wife for a spanking, and is now asking that age-old (or age-new?) question: why does she want a spanking?

Why DOES she want a spanking?

When Julia approached me a couple years ago, it took me by surprise.  I've always had a passing interest in "erotic" spanking, but only as a porn category.  Until we started ttwd in our marriage, I had never given a spanking.  Ever.  It seemed to good to be true: Here was my beautiful wife, who already turned me on more than any other woman in the world, now asking me to explore a personal fantasy with her.  In fact, it was HER idea.

As a man with a pulse, my reaction was as natural as it was predictable:  "OK!"

But, I didn't understand what she wanted.  I didn't spank her hard enough.  Or long enough.  Or OFTEN enough.  I was giving spanking a place as a part of our sex life, but not as a means of asserting my dominance over Julia, and/or correcting her behavior and attitudes.  In short, I was the one who needed to mature as a "top" before we truly started our journey in This Thing We Do.  I learned from Julia and the
posts she had me read over at ttwd that she wanted me to be In Charge in our relationship.  The Head of the Household.  The MAN.  She wanted me to lead our family by creating rules for her to follow, and then holding her accountable if she broke them.  She wanted to feel my firm hand on her bottom if she strayed from the course I set out for her.

She wants a spanking to be held accountable

Julia and I have "fun" rules, and "serious" rules (cell phone when she drives). When she breaks one of the fun rules, I've given Julia a spanking, but a hand spanking only.  I lecture her during one of these spankings to remind her, and I expect her to respond to me has my hand is connecting with her bottom across my lap.  A "serious" breach of our rules, however, requires a much more severe spanking.  I've paddled Julia with our
wooden paddle, which is the most severe implement we have.  This is the implement reserved for "severe" spankings at our house.  She doesn't like our big paddle, and I don't relish having to use it, either.  The difference between the man I was 2 years ago, and the man I am today, is that I will.

She wants a spanking to build trust

I've never trusted anyone like I've trusted Julia.  I've never been able to DEPEND on anyone like her, and I've also never been able to meet someone's expectations as well as I've been able to meet hers.  When I spank her, she's submitting to me as her man; she trusts me not to hurt her, embarrass or demean her (I can't even imagine that), and to CARE for her before, during, and after.  I've suddenly become more interested in everything about her.  I really keep track of how she's doing, and help whenever I can.  She trusts me to really be there for her.

She wants a spanking to keep our connection alive

Our connection has deepened in ways I can't even begin to describe as a result of practicing discipline in our marriage.  I would say that the core of our love is honesty, and spanking helps both of us be absolutely honest with each other.  Not in a brutal, honesty-is-more-important-than-feelings kind of way, but in a constructive, caring way that lets us express our feelings and expectations.

Like this morning:

ME: Hey baby!  Seeing as you just graduated and are now starting your new job on Monday, is there anything you want this weekend?

HER (all groggy with sleep still): Mhh, a butt plug, a dildo, and sex and a spanking. Mhhh.

Heh, that was NOT what I was expecting, but now that's what we're doing today!  Hmm, I guess another blog post is on the way.

She wants a spanking because it turns her on

Julia gets really turned on every time she has a spanking.  So do I.  In fact, almost every time I've spanked Julia, we've had incredible sex afterward.  Incredible.  Sex.  She loves worshipping my cock, and sometimes I can't get her off my lap fast enough to have her slide my cock down her throat after a spanking.  She wants aftercare too, so there's a balance there somewhere.   ;)  We had good sex before starting ttwd in our marriage, but I would say it's infinitely better now.  When I spank Julia, I assert my dominance over her, and usually caress and stroke her bottom and her back while I'm doing it.  She submits to my total dominance over her, and that really turns her on.


Well, those are some of the reasons I can think of, anyway.  I'm sure I'm missing something!  What do you think?  Why does she want a spanking?  Gals, help us poor guys out and tell us right here: why do YOU want a spanking?


25 comments:

  1. Lol, I did say that, didn't I? The things that come out of my mouth before I am awake, :D

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    1. I love it when you tell me what you want. ;)

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  2. Freedom.

    Oh the freedom.

    I am imperfect, I know this. I can be a blooming idiot sometimes. All my bad habits, baggage, general fears, whatever- It all leads to poor decision making sometimes. Whether it's a serious transgression or not. As a person who is rather content with her submission, comfortable, dependent upon it at times, a sound spanking serves as a reminder that all is forgiven.

    I am free to be a human being and make a mistake.

    I do not have to keep everything under such a tight reign that it tears me up. I don't have to beat myself up over my mistakes over and over again. When my husband disciplines me in a fashion I can understand and accept, I know it's okay. I know I am forgiven. I know I am loved and cherished.

    He spanks me not because I misbehave. He spanks me because he loves me.

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    1. Wow, great comment Missus Whore! I spank Julia because I love her, pure and simple. I know Julia feels freedom too. Thanks!

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  3. I think you covered it pretty perfectly in this post! I don't have anything else great to add, so great job! :)

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    1. Hi Kenzie - thanks! Julia has been so patient with me as I've learned all this, lol!

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  4. Good post
    I always think that if he's willing to spank then he must care enough. Enough to spend time, to look after me to keep me safe (even from myself), enough to notice!
    I do also relate to the two different sorts of rules too.

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    1. Hi Janey - yes, that's an excellent point. Ever since we started ttwd, I know I've cared more for Julia than before. It's weird, and more than a little humbling to admit, but I can SEE the difference between then and now. She can too. Great comment!

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  5. Nicely put from a man's perspective. Women often can not explain themselves their reasons fir wanting this. It is the dominance and connection that our man has us during fun times, and loves us enough to discipine us so we will learn to do what it takes to meet expectations. Our man is our safety net to catch us when we fall and make our world right again. It is a hard job for sure, but then again, that's why we are married to strong and most capable men.

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    1. Thanks, Catherine! Goes both ways, too. Last week, Julia and I promised to stay away from ice cream all week long. I got upset and BLEW it - I went to the store and got a pint, and we ate it that night. She said, well, I guess YOU should get a spanking now. D'oh. I really feel it when I let her down.

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    2. Wow! This is a sweet reply DH.

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  6. Hi DH, what you said, the way you said it, is amazing. I feel like you took my mixed up thoughts, straightened them out and wrote them out very well. You said it much better then I could have.

    I've been married for over 18 years and we have had a great marriage. But things do slide, respect, sexual desires, closeness. DD has brought all of that back and more. I look at him with so much more respect and that respect makes me sexually desire him more and with that great sex, it creates that closeness. And to think, all because of a few spankings and his dominance!
    Kim

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    1. Hi Kimberly - thank you for your kind words! And, yeah! She wants a spanking to respect and desire her man! I totally agree. Julia and I usually have GREAT sex after a spanking, because she gets really turned on when I take her in hand. ;)

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  7. DH.
    I think you said everything perfectly. I think my husband is having exactly the same feeling you had. I am sending him this post. I want him to know that it is ok to spank harder and longer. Maybe if he hears someone besides me tell him he will be able to let go.
    Thanks so much!
    Diane

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    1. Hi Diane, cool! Yes, it took me a while to understand how long to spank Julia, but lately I've been going a little longer than I think is necessary, which is usually just perfect for her as it turns out! I also try to make sure that I feel like I REALLY gave her a spanking, so I spank her until I feel like I'm done, if that makes any sense! Thanks for your comment, and good luck!

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  8. Hi DH, this is an excellent post and very well put. I think you covered it perfectly :)

    It's about the connection, feeling safe, secure and cared for and a deeper level of trust and intimacy. It also provides the freedom to be who we are and be more open and honest with our and share our thoughts and feelings with our partner.

    Hugs,
    Roz

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    1. HI Roz - thanks! You are so right. The times that I've let Julia down have been when I HAVEN'T made her feel safe, secure, and cared for. Not doing aftercare is a big no-no at our house, lol! And the honesty is incredible between us too. ;)

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  9. This is such a good post and I could see similarities in my own life by reading this. The new thing in our house is the eye-brow raise when I do something that might not be the best. I get the eye-brow. We're slow going right now due to circumstances but I'm ok with it for now. We both are. I think that's why the new facial "ticks" (?) have started. He's been letting me know how something will be dealt with by a simple look. I love it.

    I'm glad for the both of you. Your relationship is kind and I love how there's this bond between you. 😊❤ hugs, m.

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    1. Hi Maryanne - wow! I love the eye-brow treatment! As a life-long "trekkie" I have mastered all forms of Spock-like eye-brow arching. As a side note, I also have a very furrowed brow. :-D Julia and I are very happy together, and we really are very thankful for our relationship, and also our very kind readers. :)

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    2. Maryanne, I think it really shows how well you guys are doing when you can slow down ttwd because of circumstance and feel okay about it. Like DH and I have been trying to do, and mostly have accomplished so far.

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    3. yeah there are times where it just isn't possible AT ALL so i get the look. lol it's amazing how it can end whatever i'm doing right-quick. yikes! and the furrowed brow... lord have mercy. we have that too. i'm glad you guys are doing well! can't wait for tomorrow.... i always show those to my husband. yum. heehee

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  10. Your second sentence: "This post is intended for guys." That being said I DID hesitate briefly before reading it. Then read it anyway. I guess that makes me a bad girl today. Oh well.

    Great post, by the way, DH. And Julia, I hope the new job is everything you've hoped for!

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    1. Hi rednakedy - lol! No, it's FINE! And Julia had a GREAT first day today! Yeah, I like writing for guys like me, who started out totally clueless about why his woman suddenly (in my case) wants a spanking. :) Thanks for your comment!

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