Monday, February 24, 2014

"Are you okay?"

DH kept asking me this over the last few weeks.

"Yes, I am fine." I was fine. I wasn't good, I wasn't terrible, everything was moving, life was happening, and I am fine.

And still, he kept asking me this question over the course of the last few weeks.

"Are you okay? Work is not too much?" I know I have said this before, but I started working recently, and love it. I love being a contributing member of our family, making a difference in our bank account every week, and simply just having something useful to do. And every time DH asked me if I was okay seemed to be related to work. How am I handling it, is it not too much for me...you get the idea.

Then yesterday after finishing my first 30-hour week, I was feeling proud, accomplished, useful, and done, and DH asks me again, "Are you okay?"

And I snapped back at him. "Yes, stop asking me this. Of course, I am fine. I can handle working, and when I can't, I will just do less hours. Its all good."

"I want you to tell me when you can't handle something, and I will help you, okay?"

"Of course I will. But seriously, work is fine. The only thing that stresses me out is the whole situation with your son."
That is usually a red flag between us. Something to not  be crossed: His child, his responsibility I guess, and as much as SS might stress me out, its not really something I bring up. We have just had that conversation too many times already without ever resolving anything.

But just putting a finger on what was causing me to feel fine was like a rock being lifted off my chest, even if just a lightweight one.

We were sitting in a restaurant for lunch, the kids at a birthday party, all alone, finally, when he had asked me that.

But DH was different. His reaction was different. I think instead of feeling like I was trying to make him chose between his son or I (as he had in the past), he was really listening to me, and heard what I said.

And sitting right there in the restaurant, I saw HIM. He was so calm, sexy, strong, and all mine, he took my breath away. I love that I still feel this way after all these years together, and I know I can trust him to do what is best for our family, to not let feelings of guilt ru(i)n his life anymore, and I started to feel better and calmer. Fine was leaving the station to be replaced with frustration, honesty, communication, and way too much on our plates to handle, in a good way.


15 comments:

  1. So glad you opened up! So glad that he was receptive to your answer. I think you two are finally on your way to fixing this one together!

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  2. It's the best feeling when after a long time, you still look at your partner and feel THAT way about them. You two are so great together, and I'm sure you'll be able to solve this issue together. :)

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    1. Thanks Kenzie, well so far we haven't, but its not keeping us from trying, which always makes the difference, doesn't it?

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  3. Good job! It is(usually)a good thing to get it out, and I'm glad he was able to really hear what you said.

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    1. Thank you. I was kind of unaware of feeling that way myself...

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  4. I"m sooo glad you were able to talk and didn't go back to an old pattern that doesn't work. Good for you and good for him!

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    1. Yes, clearly the old pattern doesn't work, you are right, and I think we have both come to realize that. Finally.

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  5. Hi Julia, I'm so glad you were able to open up and that DH really heard you. Being able to open up really is like a rock being lifted. So glad to hear you are enjoying the new job too.

    Hugs,
    Roz

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    1. Thanks Roz!
      It is hard opening up, I think its even harder when you didn't even realize there was something, lol....:)

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  6. Hi Julia, I'm glad you like your job. Sometimes it's so nice to have a purpose outside of the home life. I'm glad you two are communicating, I know the topic of his don is a difficult one.
    Kim

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    1. Darn auto correct...I mean son not don!

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    2. Haha, yeah auto correct can make for funny conversations!

      But seriously, thanks Kim. :)

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  7. Oh Julia. This has got to be a huge weight lifted. Especially after SS' early return on your anniversary weekend. That would have sent me over the edge for sure. Good for you! And, how lovely to look at your husband and see him. Really see him. Those moments, when they happen for me really catch me by surprise yet I don't know why they would considering I love him so. It's always a joy to read your posts because I know you feel the same and it's heartwarming to read. I'm sorry about SS but happy you're ok. :) hugs, m.

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    1. Well, not yet. Lol. Its still ongoing, but just having it out there and knowing that is what it is, is really helping already.
      You are so sweet. :)

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