Friday, May 16, 2014

Instead of a Picture Friday post

I was just browsing my tumblr for inspiration for my Friday post, but I have to admit, I am really not in the right place for it at the moment. It seems like its been forever since anything along any of those lines has happened lately, and I honestly don't even want to look at these beautiful pictures. Reading or watching other people's stuff can be hard to do at times, don't you think? Its hard not to compare, wish for something different, and really not appreciated what you have.

I know all that.

Still though, it can be hard. What really got to me just now was a picture of a woman's beautiful behind and a guy holding a belt, ready to spank her with it. It seems we are soo far away from that at the moment, that I can't even imagine it anymore. Getting spanked.  And the last time that it did happen, it hurt really bad. (Probably because we just don't do it that often anymore and my skin isn't used to it). So really, it wasn't even that enjoyable.

Its kind of weird, this journey DH and I started such a long time ago. We both say ttwd is part of our lives, and it really is, but sadly the kink has fallen away lately, leaving us a happy, healthy, and very functioning couple, yet something is still missing for me. I still crave the submission, his domination. I crave him wanting me to submit, needing me to submit to him, and yet, he doesn't crave it.  He just isn't that type of guy. I have learned that about him during our journey, and I have also learned that I don't want him to change into somebody he is not.

So, I have adjusted my expectations. At my work I would say DG (downgrading).
I just re-read this post, and it sounds negative, but it really isn't. My DH is incredible, the way he takes care of me, our family, the way he loves, the way he works, and that he can always put a smile on my face. Ttwd really has brought us closer. Helped us understand who we are as individuals and how to live together with another person happily.

Yet still. I miss it.

13 comments:

  1. I'm going to take an optimistic guess and say that this is just a rut or a slow spell or something like that. I know you feel like he doesn't crave it in exactly the same way, and that may be true, but you know that he does like it...and he likes that you like it...and when you get back in the swing of things you'll BOTH remember how much fun it is and wonder why you got away from it a bit. Hang in there Julia! You guys will find it again...probably when you least expect it:)

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    1. The logical side of me knows you are right Tess, but the one looking at pictures just couldn't get that feeling out of her. At all. And its the strangest thing, I am so aware of how amazing he really is, and am okay with him just not being like it or needing it the way I do.
      Plus, it probably doesn't help that I haven't been feeling well at all over the last month.

      Thanks for cheering me up Tess. :)

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  2. I agree with Tess....there are cycles to everything.
    hugs abby

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    1. Yeah, I know. Hard to imagine it still being a cycle though at some point, you know?

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  3. I'm with Tess, hoping its a rut, because then mine might improve too!
    hugs
    DF

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    1. I had written this post and scheduled it right before coming to your blog yesterday. So I know what you mean, man....

      Hugs, Julia

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  4. Hi Julia, I'm sorry things aren't where you want them to be right now but glad things are good between you. I also agree with Tess. Hang in therr!

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. You are right Roz, I know, and I feel the same way most of the time. :D

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  5. It's so good of you to realize that the two of you have different wants and needs and you are willing to change your expectations. I think everything is still there it's just that it's commonplace now and not new and exciting anymore. It will come around, it always does - not necessarily on our time plan though.

    Hugs

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    1. Sunnygirl,

      You are right, it is more commonplace and more easily misplaced during times that are different, like when I hurt my back the way I just did. I mean, I have been out of it for what feels like a month now, taking it easy, sitting here watching the house not be clean and not being able to do anything about it.
      You are definitely right though, never on our time plan!

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  6. I think the problem with tumblr is that it conveys sometimes more fantasy than true reality that it's hard not to compare? A bit like when we all started out blogging and reading what everyone else was doing and how they were doing it and thinking 'that's how it should be'?
    I think it's probably a slow spell too but I totally get how you feel. Ah trust me I do lol!
    If you're anything like me, you want 'him' to want 'it' as much as you do. And are probably asking yourself, does he not 'notice' that things are slipping? He should notice!! Kinda thing? Mitch and I are going through a similar thing where I become desperate for the closeness that only ttwd can bring, but it seems only when he is in that kinda mood and not because he knows how much I benefit from it. How much I crave it. How much I secretly need it more than he gives. Y'know? And that may sound selfish of me, hell it probably is, but I can't help it. Because without it, something feels missing inside of me.

    Or else I could be way off lol!
    Chin up Julia. Drop me an email if you want a blether k.

    Dee x

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    1. As usual, you know exactly what I was saying. I will go write you an email!

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  7. When things slow down with the whole spanking stuff, I start to not want his dominance. I don't want him to spank me because it will hurt so much more since it has been awhile. Life just gets to busy to have the time we need with each other. Ty still tries and I appreciate it but there is no follow through and that really stinks. Hopefully, we will (or I will) get out of the "rut" myself. Maybe when life slows down since the end of the school years is just too crazy, especially with two kids graduating. Grrr
    I really hope that you two get out of your rut like today. Usually tumbler helps my libido

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