Reunited

Warning: this post will totally reveal HOW OLD DH is, and may also contain explicit content.  I haven't decided yet.  ;)

First things first: Julia and I made up. We forgave each other and right now, we're both sitting in our bedroom listening to Robin Schulz while we work.  Awesome!

Julia just said this is the perfect summer song.  She also says thank you to all of you (and from me too!) you are all so awesome.

When I was 14, I had a little clock radio next to my bed.  Sometimes when it went off in the morning, I wouldn't wake up, and just dream to whatever the song was.  One morning, "Reunited" by Peaches and Herb played, and I had the most incredible dream:

I was on a playground, singing Herb's part with Peaches.  It was a perfect sunny day, and we were on the merry-go-round, singing and slowly spinning in the sunshine.   I'd never seen them in person, or knew what she looked like, but I was in love in my dream, and it was literally the best feeling of my life.  Until I met Julia, of course.  ;)

Last night, we were both desperate to connect.  I came home late, and Julia had already made most of dinner.  We had a quiet evening, but I stayed indoors.  We talked, and later, she gave herself to me in bed.  Her leg hurt as she lay on her side, so we moved to missionary position, and I thrust my cock deep into her pussy.  And then the dam broke inside her and she started sobbing.  I held her in my arms as she cried, with my cock still buried inside her.  I knew she would just grab my ass and thrust me back into her if I tried to pull out - the feeling was like nothing I'd ever experienced.  Her pussy clenched with each sob, and even as I soothed her we were still making love.

"I'm sorry," she cried.
"Me too," I said.  "Sorry for not being your HoH this morning."

And that was the truth of it.  She had lost her footing, because I had lost mine.  I gently turned her over so that we could do it doggy-style, and then attempted to put my cock in her bottom.  It took a few tries, but when I finally came, I almost blacked out as my balls exploded with shot after shot into her waiting bottom.  Unlike most times when we do it this way, she didn't push me out.  She held herself open and let me finish until I was completely done, and then took it there again later.

After she had come several times, we were finally both sated.  I lay on my back and stroked her hair.

"Go down and clean my cock with your mouth," I said.

And she did.

A bad morning - DH's perspective

"Fucker," she said as I walked out the door.  I couldn't quite believe I had heard her correctly.  I walked out to my car and put my backpack in the passenger seat, and got the garbage out.  The door thumped close behind me.  She was pissed!  I walked back into the house, and asked her if she had said something as I walked out.

"No, nothing," she said sarcastically.  And then, "Yeah, I called you a fucker!"  She made me coffee in a mug without a lid, and then literally pushed me out the door so that most of it spilled.

WTF??

It wasn't that she called me a fucker in front of the kids.  Our German nephew doesn't even speak English that well, so I'm sure he didn't even understand.  But Julia and I had rules about arguments - we don't call each other names, or hit each other (you know, basic domestic violence issues), and our TRUST stems from that. Until today, I would have claimed that she would NEVER call me a fucker.  Ever.

She's really been in pain.  Her back has not been getting better despite all of the exercises she's been doing.  I've been powerless to help.  Before she got up, I complained that I didn't work out last night in my shed.  She immediately went off on how I would rather spend time out there then with her.  I seriously think that she has been harboring these feelings, and it just bubbled out today. It's alarming to me that she feels this way, really feels this way, and it's been hidden just under the surface.

I spent my 1.5 hours in my car on the way into my treadmill job, where I'm not advancing, just had a review with absolutely NO increase in benefits, stock, or (what we really need), PAY, thinking about what I could do differently, or how I could change my behavior to better suit Julia.  But then, the realization that my trust in her has been greatly eroded set in: I think of name-calling like that to be equivalent to me striking her.  And not on the bottom, either.  I've got an issue of my own, it seems.

If Julia doesn't delete this post, I guess I'm interested in feedback.  How do you repair trust?  Why should I even go home tonight?  I'm definitely thinking I"m going out for dinner here in Seattle.  Maybe somewhere nice.  Maybe I'll have a lovely drink with dinner too.  God.

Well, it's almost 10:00 am.  My phone is going to ring in a minute with my recruiter, who may have some ideas for other jobs that might turn out to be a little more fulfilling.  What a day.

A bad Morning

This has not been a good morning.

I basically just threw DH out the door on his way to work.

Some mornings, we wake up early, have sex, just lie in bed and talk and enjoy that time of no work yet, no responsibilities and just being together. This is always a great start to the day for both of us, and ensures our connection is live, strong, and it makes me strong for the day and puts me in a great headspace.
Today however, was not a day like that.

Woke up at 7, which is an hour late, and only happens when DH is too tired to get up early. My back/hip hurts just lying in bed, turning over, anything really, and in the mornings its even worse because of stiffness.
DH woke up pissy, and the first things I heard out of his mouth were how he wasted his evening with me last night, didn't get anything done, and he got up and grumbled away into his shed.
I don't know about you, but I don't really like when my own husband says that. Seriously? So I got pissy back.
Now, for any of us women, I am sure you can understand that I was prodding my bear with a big stick. Poking here. Poking there. I got even pissier.
I told him how me cleaning the house is a waste of time because the kids just undo it anyway before he can see it, and yet I do it anyway, to please myself, but also him.

I really can't stand when he gets in these moods, but at the same time, I know its not about me its just life in general. Which basically comes back to me anyway because we are sharing our lives together. And he wasted his time doing that? Really?

So no sex. Just a really shitty connection stringing us together at the moment despite actually having a spanking session this past weekend.

I can't even say that there is something I could do better, to be more submissive, because when he is like that, I take back my 'gift' of submission. I feel like he doesn't deserve or treasure it, or even want it, and he wonders what happened to set me off like that.

I always think of it as you get out what you put in. And this morning we put shit in and got shit out.

And I shoved him out the door (mostly by accident) with the door. I didn't see him not opening the screen door.

Sorry for the downer, but thank you for letting me vent.

Answers for Meredith

Meredith over at New Twists after all these Years posted a fun little questionnaire - I always love to answer these, lol. Here we go!

 
Do your eyes light up when he comes to you?
Yes, even when he is super grumpy. (Like today)

What sports do you watch together?
We don't really watch a lot of TV together, and it usually isn't sport. However, we have figured out we both like watching synchronized diving, figure ice skating, and the Seattle Seahawks of course.


On a scale of 1 to 10, how important is lingerie when it usually ends up on the floor?
I don't have a single matching set. DH loves white underwear, so I have a wide selection of those, but yeah, I would have to give this a 4.

Do you watch Netflix's House of Cards?
No. Currently, I am watching Twin Peaks. Anyone else watch this?

What outdoor activity do you do together?
This year, we have finally created a garden in our backyard and have been working on it together. We like working on our property together, and enjoy going running and for walks together. And camping, like we are going to do this weekend!!!!

What is his dream vacation?
Getting away with me for days and days and days. Just the two of us.

What is your dream vacation?
Getting away with him, being able to enjoy time away without feeling guilty about the kids not being there. Being alone for days at a time.

What is your favorite book of all time?
I have read so many books in my life already, I really can't say just one. Sadly, lately I haven't had the time to read at all.


What was your last argument about?
I don't remember. Seriously.

Are there any words you use that he does not like?
Nope, its more the other way around here at times.

Do you have any restrictions about internet time?
I work from home on the internet, and can work whenever I want to, therefore, DH really wouldn't think of restricting it.

Do you have a phobia?
Spiders. Sometimes I wake up having dreamed there was a spider on me somewhere in bed. I will jump out and make DH wake up, get up, check, and pretend to throw it out before I am awake enough to calm down. But even then, I get into the bed very carefully, the image lingers in my mind.


Are you watching Outlander?
No, but with good reason. I have read only good things about it and enjoy binge watching more than having to wait one week at a time or more for the next episode. So I am waiting for the entire first season and am really excited!

Does your Hoh have a motto?
Mh, not sure really. Maybe he will comment later...

What is your question for me?
Are you like me and excited about TV season returning soon? And if so, what show are you looking forward to most!?

Picture Friday - August Edition & for Rogue

Mh, I think this looks just so delicious, to be blindfolded like that.

And for Rogue:

Happy Friday Everybody!!!!

5 Reasons Your Wife Won't Have Sex With You

I just read this great article on Huffington post,  5 Reasons your wife won't have Sex with you by Meg Conley. (I think it especially addresses couples with young children) I always get sucked into reading more than I originally wanted to because of their catchy sidebar.
Anyway, I wanted to update you all a little since I haven't been around much lately. I still sneak around here and there, but haven't felt the energy or inspiration to do it. Since now.
I also hurt my back again, and have been slowly healing now. I went to physical therapy once, and have been doing the exercises. So far I feel better, but then again, I always do after a few days sadly, make that weeks.
The reason this article spoke to me was because I recognized so many of these as things that led up to not having sex before starting ttwd!

1. Women need you to listen, they need you to remember and they need you to say thank you. We are not asking for much here.
This one is so basic, its silly. I mean, it should go without saying, listen to her, be interested in her, and then also remember! 

2. Take her out on a date at least twice a month. 
 Honestly, once is already awesome, if you can't managed twice. "Put on spiffy clothes and take her to a restaurant, museum, movie or stroll around downtown. Open her door and put your hand on the small of her back. Be the boy she fell in love with and she will be the girl that made your heart race. Making out in the car before driving home " (Conley, 2014).

3. If you want your wife to treat you like a man, you have to act like a man.

"Side note: If I hear one more of you say you are "babysitting the kids" while your wife is gone, I will start handing out copies of The Feminine Mystique. (And nobody wants that.) They are your kids as thoroughly as they are hers. You aren't babysitting, you are parenting. When she leaves don't make her feel guilty, don't ask her to take the baby with her (she will if she wants to) and don't text or call to ask when she is coming home. They are just children, for heaven's sake. I think you can handle it."

4. She needs a moment in each day that is just about her.
One moment of silence, a few minutes at the computer with nothing to do but start at Candy Crush is sometimes all it takes for me to get my cool back after the kids have talked my ears off all day.  :D

5. It isn't any blasted fun. 
"Women are more likely to want to have sex when an orgasm is involved and too often, it is not."

What do you guys all think?
The rest of the article can be found here!