Tuesday, December 2, 2014

And so December begins

Hello blogland!

I hope you have had a wonderful Thanksgiving weekend for those of you in the US, and the rest of the world of course as well. I have to admit it took me a few years, well almost a decade, of living here in this country to actually start caring for this holiday. I used to still do the family gathering, but never really felt part of it, even though DH and I had already been married a few years. But over the last few Thanksgivings I have noticed how much I really do enjoy this holiday, the tradition of getting together as a family, eat great food, no pressure of gift giving, and of course, I also really enjoy DH's time off for the extended Thanksgiving weekend.

And despite me having my period until Sunday (great timing, right?) and DH getting a cold, we managed to have a great Thanksgiving weekend together. Minus sex. The only two times we did have sex toward the end of my period both ended very frustratingly for me, but at least it made DH feel a little more connected to me again.

Now its Tuesday afternoon, DH got to stay home yesterday and today to work because of his lingering cold, but he is feeling better already.  Still no sex.

Yesterday afternoon DH decided to go work out early so he could hang out with me in the evening. We could watch Dr Who (OMG! Who else is binge-watching this show? I can't even imagine having to wait years for new episodes), and then go to bed together.....
I went and took a shower. He came and washed me, played with me. He put the kids to bed. We watched Dr Who (awesome episode), and he started working right after. So I suggested I go to bed to warm it for us.


We watched nothing of value on TV while he was mostly not paying attention. And he just never came to bed until the early morning hours.

Sure, I am understanding of work, really am, but its really frustrating.

And today, DH feels less than confident, I can tell and he has told me, because I am pulling away. I don't feel like giving my submission or myself when it is not wanted or appreciated. Therefore I can't help him feel confident - which is exactly what I need from him in this situation. Stupid cycle.
Usually we break it by me submitting anyway, giving him myself, giving him a blowjob or something to bring back that confidence that I need from him. But right now, I just don't feel like it. 

But don't get me wrong, we are still doing well together, its just not been a very physical connection lately.


  1. I hear you on this Julia. Without too much detail, my work is really putting me in a "wearing the pants" position. We are still good but we miss out on being so much more when our D/s connection is a struggle. The going to sleep on the couch is our passive way of not ending our day with connection.

    Your caption/photo really made me laugh though!

    XOXO Pearl

    1. Pearl, I am sorry you know exactly what I am trying to say. And I laughed too when I saw the pic. :)

  2. Hey Julia,
    So first - I had my period this past weekend too - but at my age, they are shorter & more intense.I hate when they land on holidays! :P
    And yes! I'm a total Doctor Who fan too! Are you watching the current episodes? And why do they torture us with such long breaks in between? But it's a fantastic show - and we watch them on Netflix all the time too. :)
    So sorry about the disconnect between you and DH. I know you'll be ok - but it's always a bit depressing when we feel that way.

    1. We just started season six, so not quite caught up yet, thank goodness.

      Thanks Cali,

  3. Hi Julia, I'm so sorry you and DH aren't connected right now. I get this, you are still good but ... I understand the cycle too. I hope you will find that connection again soon, I'm sure you will :)


  4. I think most couples experience the highs and lows from time to time. Hang in there, the high will come again.


  5. Julie, Oh I hate that cycle and I know it well. I hate that feeling of always being the one who caves in first but really, the alternative is worse. I hope you don't let the walls build too high. I don't see it as a weakness to be the one to say I need you. I see it as that deeper submissive self that knows she needs her man and to get there I need to allow him feel strong again. You already know the distancing is pushing him away. Go find him and let the walls tumble down.

    Hugs to you,

    1. Clara, I know exactly what you mean, I always think this time I won't be the one to cave in first, but then the alternative of not connecting when we finally have an opportunity is worse, and we end up patching the disconnect and if that means I sit at his feet to get his attention than that is exactly what I do.

  6. We all have these times. I am not sure if it is just how it is. I love when it ends though!
    I love Thanksgiving for the very reasons you suggest!

    1. Yeah, I know it does. Being years into this journey now, one way or another, I think the ups and downs are not as dramatic anymore because we both have realized that we trust one another completely.

  7. If you want your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend to come crawling back to you on their knees (no matter why you broke up) you gotta watch this video
    right away...

    (VIDEO) Want your ex CRAWLING back to you...?


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