Monday, October 5, 2015

Grounded



Hi, DH here!  Happy Rocktober!  Fall is always super eventful at our house.  We just celebrated my son’s 24th birthday, and had a very nice visit from him this weekend.  It doesn’t always go well, but he was on his best behavior (and so was I).  I am so happy to see him getting his feet under him!  He’s been living on his own for almost a whole year.  AND, our youngest just turned 8!  We had a party for her and her friends at the nearby indoor pool.  The pool is used for all kinds of swimming events.  They have two party rooms, and we rented one on the same floor as the “kids” pool.  Our plan was to get set up, go swimming, and then have the party.  My job was to go to the store next door where Julia had ordered both the cake and the pizza, buy them, and then deliver both for the party.

No problem.

We had a little hiccup in our finances last week.  We paid off a credit card that’s been hanging over our heads since the Recession (yay!), but Julia forgot about a payment, which went through and totally cleaned us out.  No problem really - we didn’t go negative in our checking account as the bank transferred money from savings, and Julia even got the transfer fee reversed.  BUT - we had a balance of $0.00 in the account, and like 30 bucks in savings.  We were BROKE.  I get paid on the 6th so we literally had no money until I got paid.  Yikes.  So we decided to use the credit card to buy the pizza and the cake at the grocery store.

No problem.

I went to the store, picked up the cake, and took it to the register.  And THAT’S when I found out that this particular grocery store didn’t take credit cards - debit or cash only.  My debit card came back as insufficient funds.  “There’s a cash machine by the entrance,” the cashier said hopefully.  I asked if I could leave my Super Mario cake there at the register, and proceeded to perform the Walk of Shame to the cash machine.

PROBLEM.

Long story short, I managed to withdraw enough money to cover the cake, but didn’t have enough for the pizza.  Our good friend who had also come to the party offered to buy the pizza so the day was rescued.  Julia got money to pay her back, and now everything is resolved.  Yesterday I really wanted to give her a spanking.  Partly because I was so embarrassed to not have enough money to pay for what I was purchasing at the store, and mostly because our finances have become her responsibility.  Julia chooses when and how to pay the bills.  I keep tabs on everything (and make the big decisions), but day-to-day cash flow is her job.  She literally just forgot about the payment coming through, and even so, had enough money in the account to cover it.  We don’t have tons of money, just barely doing better than living paycheck to paycheck, but she manages to get all of our bills paid and make sure we have the things we want.  Her only “vice” is going to the thrift store to buy awesome stuff for all of us.

In addition to being potentially pregnant (we hope), she’s also been suffering some sore itchy skin on her butt, so spanking was out of the question.  Today, as I was getting ready to go, I came up with a suitable punishment.

“Your grounded,” I said.  Our girls stopped chattering in the kitchen, suddenly listening intently to a conversation they’d never heard before.  

“Grounded?” she asked.

“Yep.  No thrift store today.  You may not go.”


“OK,” she said, and I could see her struggle with my commandment.  She hadn’t been planning on going but just the thought of being restricted was uncomfortable.  I know she will respect my discipline though, and not go to the thrift store today and spend all of 6 bucks, and I know she will think about how we ran out of cash and do everything she can to prevent that from ever happening again.  This is the first time I’ve ever tried giving her a “punishment” that wasn’t a spanking, but it feels appropriate and like balance has been restored, even if it doesn’t seem like a huge disciplining.   Because I know she trusts me as much as I trust her because of this thing we do in our marriage.  And I know that we are BOTH grounded in our love and our mutual goals, even if she’s the one who’s had her wings clipped for the day.  :)

16 comments:

  1. Again, we're very similar in our marriages. I handle the finances too, and have had MANY situations like you guys just related to us. We've discussed changing how things work--who handles the bills and money.

    Part of me hates the responsibility and would like to just "give it" to him so I don't have to be the one that worries at night. But, he really hates the stress of bills and it affects him WAY more than it does me. I mean he won't sleep if a bill is due tomorrow--even though I've explained that there is a two week grace period. Nope, it says tomorrow and he will pace the floors worrying about it. So, in that sense, it seems logical for me to pay the bills. But, I asked that he open all the bills and question why do we have this bill, or why did you purchase this? Things like that will keep me on track.

    I think the punishment you came to makes sense. It fits the crime, in my opinion. Great post :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Megan! Thank you! Yeah, your dynamic sounds very similar! Julia is also BETTER at it than I am - she follows through and makes sure we don't have bogus charges in our account, for example. In all the time she's been handling the books, she STILL hasn't caused our account to go negative! Thank you so much for your comment! :)

      Delete
  2. There is so much money just can't buy. Sure it buys pizza and cake =] but truly- there is no price on knowing that you are both all in together. You have such a confidence in how you handled the situation- awesome to read! Enjoy the fall and I sure hope you and Julia keep having fun as you baby-make!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Pearl! Yep, you said it! Money is just money, heh. :) Thank you for kind wishes - we are having a ball! Oops that doesn't sound right. :-D

      Delete
  3. We always kept our money separate - a hangover from marrying late I suppose. He paid the house hold bills, I did the kids needs, groceries and my credit card. Then I took over my parents bills for the last 5 years of their lives. Tough, but I was doing it until my husband lost his job. Money was tighter, but we were okay. This was when I asked for TTWD - we became much closer and to avoid him ever having to 'ask' me for money I asked if he would take over all the bills. He did and even offered to do mom and dad's since he had the time. It's been heaven for me to not have to do it. It just takes begin on the same page.

    Now you have to do some good healing lotion and massage on her bottom!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi PK! Yeah, I used to manage all of our money too, but as I grew to trust Julia I gave it over to her, and she has NEVER let me down (even this weekend).

      Ha ha! Message received! I'll be massaging her tonight. :-D

      Delete
  4. I hate finance embarrassments! I loved your closing line about both being grounded in love and mutual goals. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Renee! Yeah, that hasn't happened to me in a WHILE! Thank you, you saw what I did there! :)

      Delete
  5. Hi DH, glad everything worked out ok, financial embarrassment sucks. I think you handled this well too and also love your last sentence.

    When we were active with DD Rick did use alternatives to spanking sometimes such as lines, corner time and internet ban for example. They were effective, but in a different way.

    Hugs
    Roz

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Roz! Yeah, that's definitely how it feels - different, heh. But effective, we are both talking about our shared desire to not run out of money again. :)

      Delete
  6. Hi DH your alternative punishment sounds fair under the circumstances. Love the fact you are both grounded in your love and goals.
    Lindy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Lindy! She took it well. ;)

      Delete
  7. Ugh, so glad everything worked out with the finances! I can relate to so many parts of this. I love how much you two love each other :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Casey! Thank you! Yeah, I love Julia, it's impossible not to. :-D

      Delete
  8. Hi DH, sorry about the financial troubles but it is great that this is solved. Being grounded sounds just like what could happen to me too in similar situations. I am glad that Julia took it so well, and I'm keeping my fingers crossed about her pregnancy. Loved the last sentence.

    hugs

    Nina

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Ni Na! Thank you, we are having a very nice day today. :)

      Delete

I love reading comments, and would love to hear from you!