Monday, November 23, 2015

Bottoming From the Top

Hi, DH here!  I can’t believe it’s almost Thanksgiving here in the U.S.  We’re going over to my Sister’s house as part of our long-standing tradition to not eat a turkey (she calls it her non-traditional-Thanksgiving-extravaganza).  It should be really fun and she is an awesome cook, so we’re really looking forward to it.

I’ve been hearing this phrase out there on the internets, “topping from the bottom.”  In my rough understanding (forgive me if I miss any subtleties) I think this basically means that the person who is submissive in the relationship is taking the upper hand in a given moment.  Sitting in the driver’s seat, if you will.  Wearing the pants, if that metaphor applies.  Being the DOM.  Julia and I have moments like that, where she asserts herself in a less than submissive manner.  When I was suffering from depression, this was how our relationship worked.  She handled all the big decisions, and gave me instructions to follow.  When we started TTWD, I had to learn how to bring out my dominant side and “man up” in our relationship.  We used tools like spanking (and tools FOR spanking), and I gradually became the man of my own house.  Not just for her either - our kids (and our neighbors’ kids) respect me because I demand it.  If I had regrets, one would be that I wasn’t more dominant for my older children.

Even now I still have less-than-dominant tendencies.  Julia and I have a rule: She’s not allowed to smack my bottom.  Not a “real” spanking, just in passing, like I’m walking by in the kitchen and she sees my ass and gives it a little smack.  I think that undermines my position of authority as the person who doles out the spankings, not receives them, so that’s a no-no.  It’s not worthy of disciplining her (in my mind), but I will remind her not to when it happens.  At least most of the time.  Sometimes I don’t because I think it’s funny.  And darn it all if I don’t stick it out there once in a while for her to do it.  Because funny!  She thinks it’s funny too, and it would just be a normal part of our relationship EXCEPT I am supposed to be the “top” in our relationship, and she is the sub.  

Last night I had to work late, and I wanted to give a spanking before she went to sleep.  She complained that her back hurt, and I knew it was true.  She took a bad step in our front yard as we were hanging our Christmas lights, and although she was feeling better this morning, there was no way I wanted to take her over my lap.  Her back has been a constant source of pain and discomfort for her for years now, and we’ve finally gotten to a place where she’s able to function as a person again, so I don’t take chances with her tender vertebrae.  I also don’t believe (for a second) that a more dominant man would either, if he truly cared for her as I do.  So, we snuggled for a bit and I let her go to sleep, and then worked long into the wee hours of the morning.  We had crazy good sex this morning in our continuing attempts at pregnancy, and I think we’re happy.

She seems happy.  I’m CRAZY happy!  So I think we’re good.  We have a ton of distractions in our lives of course, but through it all we manage to stage power exchanges, some overt, and some not.  One thing we DON’T do is struggle for control.

So, maybe I do “bottom from the top” from time to time.  Maybe she takes a little advantage, and smacks my butt in the kitchen (which usually causes us both to laugh).  It could be true that we do what she wants at 6:00 am on a Sunday when she wants to view the sunrise from the top of the park-and-ride, but I claim it’s only because she’s a genius, and the results always speak for themselves.







14 comments:

  1. Hi DH, this is a great post. I think this is called real life!! We all do ttwd differently and this sounds pretty good to me :)
    love jan,xx

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    1. Hi Jan, yeah, it seems like real life, right? I like how we do it, and I wish I was more "manly" sometimes, but... meh. Lol!

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  2. First of all, I have been trying to do it less. :D But sometimes that is just not possible, lol. And sometimes I just do it to get your (Dom) attentions....

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  3. Love is give and take - real life is not always defined clearly - there are always grey areas and as long as you both respect each other, what more is needed.

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  4. Hi Leigh - you are so right :).

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  5. You seem to have a wonderful relationship whoever is topping. Just do what feels right.
    Hugs Lindy

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    1. Hi lindy! Thanks, it does feel right, every single day. :)

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  6. Hi DH, I love how your relationship works and is full of love. You do look closely at what Julia needs and she looks at what you need. Maybe bottoming from the top is just another way of expressing that you are also willing to listen closely to your beloved wife. So, if there is the occasional smack on the HoH's bum, I am somehow sure the two of you know how to take it.

    hugs

    Nina

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    1. Hi Nina, yes! Every time I listen to her, I profit, heh, and she is ALWAYS looking out for my needs. It's funny, some of my "needs" are about how I'm getting a little older (just graduated to a "Centrum Silver" vitamin) and she tries to make me feel better about it.

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  7. You and Julia have laughs, respect, love and of course spanking and you BOTH talk about how insanely happy you two are. Sounds like you two have the right mix!!

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    1. You know Pearl, we really do. When we first started ttwd, I would read blogs of people who had been doing it for a while already, and you could feel their closeness and not worrying about doing it "right", and I wouldn't understand. Now I do. We just are. We are doing it the way it works for us.

      Thank you.

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  8. Yes, I learned VERY EARLY in our relationship not to smack my husband's ass. And that was way before either of us knew what dom and sub meant. He just knew he didn't like it. And well, I guess I knew I preferred to be the recipient anyway. :)

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  9. I love what you wrote here! I also believe that in real life roles sometimes are mixed out of necessity or plain practicality.
    But when things happen the way we desire that's wonderful!
    My guy say he doesn't get spanked and yet I sometimes... Playfully smack his bum!

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