Saturday, July 15, 2017

Feels like the end

Hi, DH here!  Thanks all for your kind comments on my last post - I do feel better, even though our situation is objectively worse than it was lol.  Now I'm unemployed (massive layoff at the old music factory), Oma is living with us, and I'm spending just about all of my time looking for a job.   At times, I feel like I'm underwater, running in nightmare-slow-motion, pushing against the current of... everything.  The world seems ever sharper, meaner, and more dangerous.  This morning on the local news, there was a shooting at a shooting vigil that killed a man.  Holy crap!  Don't go to vigils.  Don't go where there are large concentrations of people.

Don't go outside.

About a month ago, our older girls participated in the year-end dance recital (show) their school does every year.  If you're not a dance parent, it's hard to imagine: This is a real show, with the students (and some professionals) performing ballet, jazz, modern, and tap (Julia's favorite).  Costumes, makeup, lights, professional venue, etc.  The timing worked out so that I went to the younger's show with her older sister, and then I drove them home in my car.  No problem!  I'm a good driver.*  Things were fine until I got to the highway that runs to our house.  We followed a drunk driver who literally drove into a ditch in front of us, corrected, and then somehow turned off the road without killing anyone.  Whew, I thought.

Too soon.

The next car ahead was driven by someone even more drunker!  I know, hard to believe, but as we followed this one, it seemed obvious that he was headed for serious trouble.  He couldn't keep the car on the road, and kept veering to the right, as if the shoulder was another lane.  I stayed well back, in case he decided to swerve left and incite a head-on with a truck in the oncoming lane.  I fumbled for my phone in the dark, weighing the possibility of getting a $612 ticket with saving lives, when he seemed to straighten up: The car moved into the right-hand turn lane at our neighborhood... church? up ahead, and he was leaving the highway.  Yay!  I sped up (he had been going 30 in a 45 MPH zone).

Too soon.

There have been a number of times in my life where I know I've had a supernatural experience.  Usually, it's in the heat of a life-or-death moment, and usually the decision I make is too quick to analyze, and yet somehow, correct.  This was like that.  At the last possible moment, as I drew alongside, The Drunk decided he didn't want to go to Church after all, and cut back over into the lane I was driving in.  No looking, no pause, just swerve left.  I didn't see it happen.  I couldn't, as I was looking forward at the time.  I guess a scientist would say I must have caught some movement (in the dark) from the corner of my eye.  And without even realizing I had done it, my car was across the center line, leaving tire tread we could see the next day, as I stopped perfectly parked facing oncoming traffic.  I think if there had been a car coming, I could have dodged even a little more left, and missed that too.

And now I know how drunks cause horrific accidents.

The girls and I sat utterly shaken in our seats.  My insurance agent didn't magically appear and say, "Wow, you just saved lives AND money!"  The Drunk didn't wreck his car and get in trouble.   My reward was to drive us back into our lane, and home.  In actuality, this is pretty routine for me.  I avoid a LOT of accidents, some of which could have been pretty bad.  Usually the thanks I get is road rage**.

What matters anymore?  Can I get drunk too and go to Church?  Can I carry a gun and just shoot those A-holes in the face?  How do you explain what happened (or what is happening in the world) to your beautiful daughters?

So, this feels like the end, a little.  I'm going to follow Julia into the dark (of not blogging here).  I've steered clear of a topic that is very important to me: Global warming, and how we humans might do something about it, like right now.  I don't know if you share my passion, but this is where I'm going to be hanging out on a regular basis.  Who knows?  Maybe we can save our biosphere.  Could happen!

Peace, love, and best wishes to you all, thank you so much for sharing our journey.  I can't say we're done, because it's Julia's Personal Thinking Spot after all, so until we blog again...  <3

*I've never had an accident that was my fault.
**I'm pretty fucking sick of it.